Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I've found him on a swingers website.

46 replies

AnxiousShits · 06/02/2019 20:26

Please give me the strength to not tell him to come home. Please give me the strength to get off the floor and find some other emotion than totally numb.

What do I need to do. Help.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 06/02/2019 21:09

He said he didn't know if he was attracted to me anymore.

So the best solution was to join a swinging site?

Such utter nonsense. Seriously... he sounds worse and worse.

TheFaerieQueene · 06/02/2019 21:18

OP he is going to turn this round and make it all your fault. Don’t let him. He is a cheating, lying arsehole.

CheekyFuckerHQ · 06/02/2019 21:43

Sounds like you need to gather all your paperwork relating to the mortgage and get yourself a solicitor. I’m sorry you’re in this position OP.
Is he still in your home with you?

twominfromthebeach · 06/02/2019 22:33

Might he have been to swingers' clubs etc - get STI check just in case.

Ducks in a row time x

Seems pretty common for blokes to be found out via internet history on shared devices nowadays!

Original poster

AnxiousShits · 07/02/2019 02:28

He's crying and being sick and I'm the one feeling bad?

I can't stop crying. He was my future

OP posts:

morpurgo · 07/02/2019 02:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

category12 · 07/02/2019 06:52

Well he didn't want any consequences for his cheating. My ex cried when he was caught out. Didn't stop him doing it again.

MumsyJ · 07/02/2019 07:10

Oh no OP, sorry this has to happen to you . Such betrayal of your trust. Gosh his flimsy excuses just say it all... So typical!

I wish you all the courage to do right by you. What he's done is just unforgiving in my book. And bollocks to his crocodile tears! It was fun whilst he wasn't caught and now he's crying?

nrpmum · 07/02/2019 07:54

@AnxiousShits I doubt his tears are anything other than 'how do I get out of this mess' tears. Please don't fall for them.

I feel for you, I really do, because he has shown you who he really is now.

likeridingabike · 07/02/2019 07:58

Don't fall for the tears, he's upset he's been caught and frightened of the consequences. My cheating ex had a breakdown as his world came crashing down around him.

Original poster

AnxiousShits · 07/02/2019 08:04

How do I get the strength to leave? I sound such an idiot I just can't muster up the strength to say don't ever come back.

OP posts:

Cookmysock1 · 07/02/2019 08:15

You get your strength by pulling yourself together and remembering who the fuck you are, by having enough self respect not to let this cheating disrespectful arse back into your life
You know the script for the this, you'll just be scratching the surface of what he's done, he will get better at hiding it despite all the crocodile tears, men like this are never satisfied, they like the the thrills and secrecy, the illicit nature of it
I very much doubt he had just chatted, and even if that were so its only a matter of time before he takes it further, that's how these things work, you need a little bit more each time to get the hit
Don't stand for this, you are worth so much more

SandyY2K · 07/02/2019 09:54

You muster up the strength by telling yourself you deserve better and that if you continue in the relationship, he'll know that nothing is a dealbreaker for you.

You sell yourself short by allowing him to continue being a part of your life... because you're too good for him... and he's not good enough for you.

LongWalkShortPlank · 07/02/2019 10:35

Remember he has been the one to throw away your relationship, he doesn't get to justify it by chipping away at your self confidence by saying he does know it he's attracted to you or some ridiculousness about low testosterone. He is very much at fault, not you. Kick him out, he doesn't respect you, and while I know it's hard he could have opened you upto to a whole host of diseases. I wouldn't believe he hadn't done anything.

LongWalkShortPlank · 07/02/2019 10:36

Doesn't*

LuckyLuckyWoman · 07/02/2019 10:41

YOU are your future.

Mummyoftwo91 · 07/02/2019 10:42

*YOU are your future
*
This!

Hiphopopotamous · 07/02/2019 11:45

You need to tell someone in RL to support you, get his things packed, get the ball rolling to get him off the mortgage or the house sold.

He's cheated, he's blaming you, he's lying- what a twat.

Adora10 · 07/02/2019 12:59

Yes first thing is to confide in a good friend or family member to support you through this.

I am sorry but honestly the amount of times I read this on here and it's always the first time they have been caught, I mean really, what are the chances you have caught him just looking.

Men who this shit online have been doing it a lot longer than the women even realise.

OP, you need to kick him out, that simple, if you two are meant to work it out and have a future then you will but for now, he needs to feel a consequence for breaking your trust, no matter how many tears he cries.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/02/2019 13:09

He was crying and being sick!!!
Ahhhh... poor love
It will be very hard to leave OP.
It's been 5 years.
Please take your time.
Try to get away to get yourself some headspace.
You can't make any rational decisions right now (unless it's to kick his lying cheating arse out but I don't think you are there yet)
So give yourself some time and space.
Go to people who can love and support for a few days.
Talk things over with a non-judgey friend and then take it from there.

He said he didn't know if he was attracted to me anymore
And ^THIS is actually the main reason to leave.
He's told you he doesn't find you attractive anymore.
Why would you stay with someone who says this and thinks this?
You deserve more and better and you know it.

Space and peace for now OP.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 07/02/2019 16:13

OP Bless you ...he WAS your future ,,,and now you know what your future will look like going forward,,,It doesnt look too bright,The truth is you can have a wonderful future but not with him,He has hurt and let you down badly,he has broken your trust and he is trying to make you forgive him,Forgive him if thats what it takes then move on,Do not stay trapped in this relationship to be abused and belittled,You deserve more,I am sorry this is happening to you,

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.