AIBU to find OW referring to my DDs as "our daughters" upsetting?

[neenypeeps]

Just wanted a sense check before I tackle this. The subject might be a bit misleading - OW and ExH got married last weekend and they have a 1 year old. He left after I found out about their affair 6 years ago and moved straight in with her so she's been around a while and she has been in my 2 DDs(10 and 12) for about 4 years. They stay with ExH and her every 2nd weekend and 1 day a week. Obviously they are not my 2 favourite people in the world but I like to think I have always remained polite and superficially friendly and we have managed to do family occasions (birthday parties school concerts etc. together). I have always said that as long as she is kind to the children than I'm ok with it. The problem is that it has been brought to my attention by more than a few people that she constantly refers to my 2 DDs as "our girls" or "our daughters" and talks about them to others as if she is their mother and I simply don't exist. She does this in person, on social media (I don't stalk, we have mutual 'friends' who have found this weird), and now in the media (Ex is a z-list celeb). For some reason I find this really upsetting and I want to pull her up on it but I'm not sure I'm being rational about this. After all, the important thing is that she is good with the girls and they are happy. AIBU?

I can see why you’d be upset, especially as this woman was the OW. But actually I think it’s a better way, than the other way around.

My dh, when talking about my dc (not his), says his daughters, or his kids. But this is purely as this is how he sees them. However he doesn’t see himself as dad and is always very clear that they already have a dad.

So in some respects, if it’s this kind of scenario it’s best for your dc.

If a woman who'd had an affair with my husband and was now his partber cut me out of photos and posted them in social media with captions saying "our girl" about my daughter (whose life she helped destabilise and change course) I would now be in custody for doing something horrible.

You're a better woman than me op, you have my serious sympathy.

(To be honest if never have tried to do the nicely nicey, for the sake of the children, pretend you're not bastards crap in the first place - I'd have had my own party, and they could have a second one if they wanted. I also would've told ow "no social media posting/pimping of my children".

(but then I don't put mine on social media myself so it would've been easy to say 'its my policy toward toward social media, respect it').

Is their baby a boy or a girl?

If the baby is a girl, I wouldn’t like, but could understand ‘our daughters’ but if the baby is a boy then ‘the girls and ‘timmy’’ is more appropriate.

Things like ‘Look who is 12 ... woo hoo Sarah’ are more appropriate then ‘our daughter’. Because she’s NOT her daughter.

Still, you can’t really expect someone who is happy to fuck your husband to have that much sensitivity really can you...🤷🏻‍♀️

I would take great delight in doing things like posting the same photo (but obviously with you still in it) Happy Birthday Darling Daughter, all the slaving over your cake was worth it! 😘xx’

I have NO problem with SM’s saying ‘our children’ if it’s a blended family and includes kids from both, and there’s definitely no need for ‘step’ or ‘DH’s’ children, but there are ways of phrasing things that are more accurate, and kind to their other parent then using ‘our girls, our daughter’ etc when it’s solely the DH’s child/ren.