Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Try for another baby?

29 replies

Lyljlsajt95 · 04/02/2019 22:12

Hello, I have a one year old boy and would like to try for another in May (me and my partner would of been together for a year at that time) by the time the second is here my boy will be just over 2 years, my partner and I have spoke about another as this will be his 1st and my 2nd he’s such a great step daddy already and can’t wait to see him with his own, is it really difficult going from 1-2? I’m just worried my 1st will be too young but I don’t want a big age gap and hoping that by then he’ll be talking properly and be able to walk up and down the stairs in our flat, any advice would be helpful especially if the age gap is similar!

OP posts:

showmeshoyu · 04/02/2019 22:14

Don't rush. Seriously.

IVEgottheDECAF · 04/02/2019 22:14

My 2 year 3 month old DS cannot manage stairs without support, so i wouldnt bank on that!

LovingLola · 04/02/2019 22:17

Yes
My advice is that you would be insane to consider having a baby with a man you have been with for less than 12 months. Especially when you have only recently had a baby with a different man.

LovingLola · 04/02/2019 22:19

And it’s not the fact that your children would have different fathers - it’s the fact that you have been with your current partner for no time at all.

Original poster

Lyljlsajt95 · 04/02/2019 22:32

Should of stated that we've known each other for 5 years almost 6 now! But yes still new into the relationship

OP posts:

MMmomDD · 04/02/2019 22:40

You are new to a relationship. And you are not married - so have absolutely no financial security.
A year is nothing at all.

I do not understand people who consider a life-long commitment of having a child as something taken so lightly. While marriage - seem to be a big deal and people need to be ‘ready’.

I don’t know who is the father of your first child and what happened. But - if he was not an accident - think back to that. At that time decided to have a baby with someone, probably not expecting to break up.
Why do you think you and this bf would last? Nothing really ties you and he can leave at any time.
Do you want to be a single mother of 2?

Ella1980 · 04/02/2019 22:43

How old are you, OP? I'm guessing not an old bird like me so plenty of time to have more children ☺

Giesabreak · 04/02/2019 22:48

Have you even lived with this man? Not that either answer is a good one in the circumstances

Original poster

Lyljlsajt95 · 04/02/2019 23:17

I'm in my 20s, yes I do live with him, have done for 4 months, like I said we've known each other through our mums being friends for 5 years, we both know what we want out of life, obviously we are not taking this lightly which is why I have posted on here, I wanted to get some views and opinions bad or good. My first wasn't planned no and he has no contact with his dad as we were never together nor was it a one night stand.. (don't want to go too far into it) my partner has taken on the role of dad and has been amazing at it, he does everything he can to help and as I was alone through the pregnancy and his first 4 months I can say it's been amazing having help he does what a normal dad would do. We won't rush into anything regardless of the situation

OP posts:

Dirtybadger · 04/02/2019 23:27

Wow. That's fast. I would definitely warn against it.

I've known DP since school. Now late 20s. Been together 4-5 years. It took a few years to get to know him more romantically (even though we did date in our late teens etc). Moving in this year.

Moving in together after less than 6 months when you have a child honestly seems irresponsible. But it's done now. Wait until you've lived together for a year or two, I think. And yes definitely get married first if you want children- for financial protection. Unless you intend on continuing to work full time.

If your friend said they wanted a baby with someone they had been dating for 9 months (even if they said "in a few months) would you honestly think it was a good idea?

Dirtybadger · 04/02/2019 23:28

And if your username means you were born in 95 so are 23 or 24 then even if you want 5 kids you still have plenty of time. Enjoy your time together before planting a baby bomb!

AgentJohnson · 05/02/2019 04:44

Nooooooo! Knowing someone and being in a relationship with them are two very different dynamics. Get to know this man in your new dynamic, I get that you’re in honeymoon phase but you’re moving too fast.

Boysandbuses · 05/02/2019 04:58

It's up to you, but I think you would be mad. Knowing someone and being in a relationship are 2 completely different things.

Original poster

Lyljlsajt95 · 05/02/2019 11:12

Thank you for the comments, it was something he'd mentioned and at least now if I explain these points to him he'll probably change his mind too! Yes it may seem irresponsible moving in together so soon however he stayed with me a lot anyway before we had even got together to help when either myself or my boy was poorly, sometimes you have to think that when you know you want to spend your life with someone you just know! Either way this has been very helpful so thank you

OP posts:

MMmomDD · 05/02/2019 11:57

OP - you are very young and it’s a fairly new relationship.
That feeling of ‘when you know you know’ - feels nice. It’s called being in lust/love. No more then that....

Many relationships that start this early - in the early 20s - sadly don’t make it. Life is long. You both will still change a lot and by 30s and 40s would be different people.
And it may work out that you still fit, or not....

So - don’t get ahead of yourself. Build your relationship. Build a solid future - jobs, house, etc. There is no rush - still many years when you can have kids.
Enjoy your life together.

Unless fertility is running out - having a kid with someone you’ve only been for a year is way too early.

And then - protect yourself - and don’t have another child until you protect yourself and your kid’s future.
Don’t become one of the many women on here who say - never thought it’d happen to me - but now I have nothing to my name, and no claim on the house I live in, and kids...

VietnameseCrispyFish · 05/02/2019 13:03

Is this a joke?

SandyY2K · 05/02/2019 13:12

Too quick. Slow it down. Take your time... you have lots of it.

Being friends isn't the same as being in a relationship.

Dimsumlosesum · 05/02/2019 13:15

It was harder foe me going from one to two. But then the age gap was very close and my first born was a very high needs baby. Having said that, I wouldn't change it for the world as they are now best friends.

Dimsumlosesum · 05/02/2019 13:16

I would also second taking your time. Biologically you are still young. There's no rush to have a second.

ReaganSomerset · 05/02/2019 13:28

Madness. Should you have a baby with a man you've dated a year? No.

And having two close that together is a hard slog at the best of times, it can really test a relationship and yours is still quite young and fragile.

Personally, I think you've moved him in too early. I hope it works out. But if it doesn't your son then has to deal with the fallout emotionally. Good luck with it all.

Variousartists · 05/02/2019 13:33

What’s the rush? If you know he is the one and want to be with him forever you have plenty of time.

mrsk28 · 05/02/2019 14:05

If you're still in your 20's I would hold off at least until you've been together 2 years and then reassess. When you've only been together a matter of months you haven't even experienced a rough patch in your relationship yet and come out the other side.

I've been with my husband since the age of 20 and am now pregnant with my first baby at nearly 29. You can stay with someone long term if you meet in your early 20's but you need to be very sure when it comes to having children. And personally I think a marriage/engagement would give you better security when the time is right.

Villamoura2012 · 05/02/2019 14:15

'knowing' each other through your mum's is not the same as knowing each other in a relationship.

It's way way too early. You'll end up a single mum to 2 kids by different dad's.

Age gaps with kids work out one way or another, theres plenty of time and you still won't have a big gap.

minglemoo · 05/02/2019 14:24

I wouldn't , just relax instead . Plenty of time for kids. What if you have twins for example? My first are twins , pros and cons. I think close in age is good but your relationship issue makes me feel dodgy.

Variousartists · 05/02/2019 14:58

What about your home/financial/work situation? Marriage plans?

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread