Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's like living with a child.

41 replies

Lu234 · 04/02/2019 08:43

I'm not going to NC as my previous posts will give more of a back story.

First year of our relationship was good. More than good.
As soon as we started living together there have been a number of emotional abuse situations.
No DC.

For the past 3-4 months everything has been great.
Last Tuesday I had to take my DGF to a hospital appointment. When I arrived I had numerous calls and messages from DP asking me to ring him.
At the time, there was no signal for calling in the waiting room so I messaged to explain.
Eventually I managed to log onto the wifi and call him through WhatsApp.
"What's up?"
Him: "i need you to fill in a form"
"I'll do it when I'm home. I've only got my phone and 20 minutes, I'd rather get home and sit at the computer and do it properly"
*he cuts me off.

Not only is it awkward sitting in a waiting room full of people knowing that he's just cut me off, but I go home to the silent treatment.
This episode of silent treatment has now lasted 6 days.

I usually help him at work on my days off but this weekend I needed to do some work that would help my career. He threw a paddy (silently). He could have asked one of his parents to help but obviously didn't.

He refused to come food shopping with me (I didn't buy him anything on principle).

He's done sweet F A this weekend in terms of house work... apart from walk the dog. I've had cooking, cleaning, washing etc and a job that has taken up a huge chunk of my weekend time.

I don't know, I just feel like I'm living with a child who I can no longer support anymore. I pay the vast majority of the bills, he earns next to nothing, I have to help him to and from work for him to be able to bring pennies home.
Usually he's pretty good at the house work I'll give him that but he has to be asked for him to actually do something.

I am becoming extremely paranoid that he's tracking me/hacking my phone. There have been incidents of him getting access to my social media in the past and on a couple of occasions he's used phrases that I've read on MN and things I've said in private messages on social media. I just want to clarify I have nothing to hide.

I feel like I get no down time. On my days off I'm still up at 6am to help him. I'm so bloody tired of working my arse off and to not be appreciated for keeping a roof over our heads.

I just needed a vent :(

OP posts:
justthecat · 04/02/2019 08:45

Why are you with him?

NationalShiteDay · 04/02/2019 08:46

And to LTB obviously.

He contributes nothing and takes everything.

Leave him now before DC/further damage to you

LovingLola · 04/02/2019 08:47

Thank your lucky stars you have no children with him.
Then think about what he brings to your life apart from abuse.

Ragwort · 04/02/2019 08:48

You don’t need to vent, you need to get rid of him NOW.

Have a look at the many, many threads on Mumsnet about women who are tied to these ’man-childs’, they have children, have given up their career and feel trapped, please, please don’t become one of them.

gambaspilpil · 04/02/2019 08:49

You just need to vent? Don’t you need to start raising your expectations and dump this man?

LittleLongDog · 04/02/2019 08:50

The fact that you don’t trust him would be the biggest issue for me.

Have you spoken to him about it?

pippistrelle · 04/02/2019 08:52

6 days of silent sulking? Jeez. You do know that that's really not acceptable? I think I'd be silently packing his bags.

Original poster
Lu234 · 04/02/2019 08:52

Littlelongdog

Numerous conversations about hackings and his behaviour.
Usually denies it despite me having proof or just fails to talk to me about things :/

OP posts:
buckingfrolicks · 04/02/2019 08:59

Why are you with him??

LittleLongDog · 04/02/2019 08:59

’Usually denies it despite me having proof or just fails to talk to me about things :/’

Oh love Sad. Just read that back to yourself.

Original poster
Lu234 · 04/02/2019 09:00

For the record.
I'm 27, disabled and have major MH issues.
...also he won't leave.
I also have nowhere to go.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 04/02/2019 09:00

It's no good things being great for long periods if they're all going to go hideously wrong in between times. When you're taking an elderly relative to hospital is a ridiculous time to suddenly decide he needs you to do some paperwork; it's as though he set you up to fail some sort of test. It's childish, as you say, and deeply unattractive. Is there any chance he could grab some self-awareness from somewhere and, you know, grow up? If not, or if you can't be bothered to wait around however long it takes for him to actually do that (and frankly, I recommend you don't), it's time to look at the practicalities of splitting up.

LittleLongDog · 04/02/2019 09:01

Look at it this way: if this was your best friend or your sister that was with him. Wouldn’t you want more for them?

Don’t you think you deserve better than this?

Original poster
Lu234 · 04/02/2019 09:03

Littlelongdog

I am usually very out spoken when it comes to other people. So difficult when you're drowning in it yourself :(

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 04/02/2019 09:08

This is no way to live. Why does he need so much help? If you've nowhere to go then find somewhere.

rainflowerstar · 04/02/2019 09:08

Who's house is the name in?

LittleLongDog · 04/02/2019 09:10

It sounds really really tough.

But it also sounds like you are a lot stronger than you think. You’re young, disabled and have MH issues and yet you still achieve so much:
Cooking, cleaning, food shopping, pay bills, holding down a job, supporting someone else with their job, helping look after your family.

You can do this.

Original poster
Lu234 · 04/02/2019 09:14

Rainflowerstar

Rented. It's in both names but I'm main tenant.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 04/02/2019 09:17

Contact the ll and request his name removed.
Then get him out.
What your mh improve...

LuckyLou7 · 04/02/2019 09:17

Do you have a support worker? Or a relative or close friend who will act as your advocate? The obvious answer is to separate now, and ask him to leave.

pinkyredrose · 04/02/2019 09:18

Having read your other threads i say get this fucker out of your life. Hes abusive, gaslighting and controlling.

Can you speak to the housing association about having him removed from thw tenancy if you're lead tenant? You'll be ok, if he's not there all day your bills will go down and you'll get single person discount on council tax.

It'll be worth it to get rid of this arsehole.

Grace212 · 04/02/2019 09:21

you're up at 6am helping him with what?

you do need to chuck him out - can any family or friends help you?

Original poster
Lu234 · 04/02/2019 09:29

For the help questions.
I have to watch his stock whilst he takes his car to a car park.

OP posts:
rainflowerstar · 04/02/2019 09:35

Do you need help with day to day living? What did you do before he moved in?

TheShiteRunner · 04/02/2019 09:42

You get one life, OP.
Walking away is now your responsibility. No-one can do it for you. There's no grey area here- you either choose a life with him, or without him. Be brave.