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Original poster

I asked him out - is he interested?

34 replies

Wern · 04/02/2019 06:13

I started talking online to a man via a dating site 5 months ago and we haven't met yet (don't ask Hmm )
It's getting to the point that if we don't meet now, we never will so the other day I texted him and asked if he fancied meeting for a coffee this week and he replied with "Thank you xx"

WTF is that?

I called him out on his vagueness, he's now ignoring me but not before he got on his high horse and asked me how was his response vague, and that I only read what I want to read dependent on my mood.

Seriously? Interested or not interested?

Should I text him and see if he texts me or just walk away either way?

We are both 40 lol.

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 04/02/2019 06:15

Bin him off. He's a time waster who just wanted a texting fantasy.

cittigirl · 04/02/2019 06:16

Walk away OP. Life's too short. He doesn't sound like he's interested sorry.

tsonlyme · 04/02/2019 06:17

He’s a dick and probably married if he’s not met up with you yet.
Although I did have one guy who evade meeting for almost a year (!) and it turned out that he’d been using fake pics. I wasn’t overly bothered as I wasn’t invested but I can imagine other people might have been more upset.

OhioOhioOhio · 04/02/2019 06:17

Omg. 5 months. Please ditch him.

Trevorwhatever · 04/02/2019 06:18

Wouldn’t waste anymore time with this one. If he wanted to meet he would have done so already.

Variousartists · 04/02/2019 06:21

Complete waste of time.

AnotherOneBitesTheDust · 04/02/2019 06:24

Thank you?! Did u say anything else in your message in response to a previous or was it just asking him out? He sounds tedious.

Original poster
Wern · 04/02/2019 06:27

That's my gut feeling, that he's not interested...I have sent a few goodbye texts and voice clips actually lol each time he came back with shock and surprise at being ditched which immediately made me change my mind.

Why do people do that? Why can't they just be upfront and open? I can handle being told "sorry, it's just not going to happen" but the mixed messages is HORRIBLE.

OP posts:
pissedonatrain · 04/02/2019 06:31

Complete waste of time. There is no need to goodbye texts, voice clips. Just stop talking to him.

category12 · 04/02/2019 06:31

Some people just enjoy having the fish on the line, and are not interested in landing one.

He's either just in it for the fishing or he's in a relationship already.

Original poster
Wern · 04/02/2019 06:36

A bit more on the meeting front....he did ask me out after a month of chatting but I wasn't ready... he was so perfect for me that I didn't want him running off when he met me. I've been waiting 3 months now for him to ask me out again, I even tried asking him out a few times prior to the other day and he would just say "soon".

I just wish he would let me go, as I am weak!

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 04/02/2019 06:41

You're not weak at all!
My bet is he's a probably married. Like others say, if he wanted to meet, he would've by now. Just get rid and find someone who actually makes you a priority.

LellyMcKelly · 04/02/2019 06:43

Probably married or in a relationship. Block and move on.

category12 · 04/02/2019 06:44

Just block him. Done.

He's not perfect for you - you have no idea who he is. It's easy to create a persona online. It's easy to mirror someone and pretend to have the same values etc.

Let yourself go. This is ridiculous.

Notwiththeseknees · 04/02/2019 06:45

Good grief, if he has you this confused already, how will you feel if you ever start a relationship. He is toying with you and maybe even just testing how much he can get you to accept. Please just forget it and find a proper man who would like a real relationship, not this TW.

AnotherOneBitesTheDust · 04/02/2019 06:45

I'd just say to him that you've been chatting a couple of months and you either need to meet up or leave it so you can both concentrate the time on someone else. I'd ask him to let you know when he's free in say the next....fortnight maybe? To give him enough time if he's busy? And say if he doesn't reply then youve enjoyed talking and you wish him all the best. That way he has the choice. He then can't guilt you into talking to him. Well, he can, but you will need to be strong!

Original poster
Wern · 04/02/2019 06:47

I know he's not married, he broke up with his partner of 14 years a year or so ago...but you're all right, if he was still keen he would've said yes and that horrible unsettled feeling I have wouldn't be there...I just need to pull myself together!!

Thank you xxx

OP posts:
Mmer · 04/02/2019 06:52

He is likely in a relationship. Please don't invest any more time in this guy.

theworldistoosmall · 04/02/2019 07:00

Bin him off.
You've asked him more than once and he's not interested.
Just because he told you he's split with his partner doesn't mean that he has.
He's stringing you along whilst he's seeing other people.

MyOtherProfile · 04/02/2019 07:03

He is stringing you along. No intention to meet but wants you on the end of a phone. Don't give him that option. No more big goodbyes, just silence.

Redcrayonisthebest · 04/02/2019 07:08

he was so perfect for me that I didn't want him running off when he met me

Wanted to comment on this, he's NOT perfect for you because he's making you confused and anxious before you've even met! Stop feeding the fantasy, don't send him another goodbye message just move on (block him if necessary) leave yourself free to meet somebody who's right for you. It sounds to me like you dented his ego by refusing to meet the first time and he's enjoying making you squirm. Next time just meet up, skip all the lengthy messaging as it just builds a fantasy.

Sethis · 04/02/2019 07:10

I highly doubt he's in a relationship or married.

However for whatever reason he isn't that fussed about actually meeting you. Either that, or he's doing some weird mental game playing with himself and you.

Last message from me would be something like "You wanted to meet in the first month and I wasn't ready. Since then I've asked you out a few times and you've refused. After 5 months there is no point continuing this relationship with no intention of ever meeting, so if you do want to meet up, let me know. Otherwise have a nice life."

Then just let it go.

Variousartists · 04/02/2019 07:41

How do you know he is perfect? You have never met him.

Original poster
Wern · 04/02/2019 08:03

Well he is still ignoring me and a message I sent him yesterday in spite of him being online, offline, online so that answers that one really Hmm

I realise 'perfect for me' and 'never met' don't go together but when you know, you know. I guess I kept him waiting too long to begin with and over time, the idea of losing me as an online presence was far greater than a real life date with me.

Fuck 'im. Grin

OP posts:
Partylikeits2019 · 04/02/2019 08:18

I have a friend who does this, chats to women online he never meets. I asked him why, he said it’s because he likes having pretty girls to chat to at random times. One he chatted to often for over a year (she lived in a different place) and talked about how much he liked her etc but when she moved to where he was they still never met and the messages stopped.

I don’t understand on a rational level but think he’s quite lonely so all the chatting is almost like a hobby and makes him feel connected.

I also think due to OLD it’s easier to meet people in a dating sense than it is to actually make friends so some people use OLD for a genuine social fix