Our family's have never met.

[ShortandSweet96]

Been with OH for 5 years. When we met he lived in a different town to me, but now we have bought a house in the town I live in, only around 30 minutes away from his.

We often see his family at party's, occasions and have his dad and brothers round for tea sometimes.
The sane for my family, will have then roundnfor tea, pop over sometimes and see them at party's.

But our family's have never met. Is this strange?
My friend mentioned it a while ago and it's bothered me ever since she said it was weird and not a proper relationship.

I now can't stop thinking that they will more than likely only ever meet if we ever got married!!

It's never even been mentioned by either party, about meeting eachother.

Is it really that strange?! Just looking for some different perspectives and opinions.

Together 23 years.
My Mum and Dad met his at our wedding in 2001. Not met since.

Its not weird in the slightest if you don't live in the same town. My folks and my husband's folks live 300 miles apart, and we live even further away. The closest we've ever lived was 300 miles away from my folks. It's hardly surprising we aren't doing birthday teas and the like, and I find it a bit mad that some people can't imagine this. They have met a few times since we got married (in 96) but its probably less than once a decade.

What about kids (or your own) birthdays, Christmases etc?x

Together 6 years, married for 4, 1 dc. Our families have never met and are very unlikely to. They are not related to each other and have no common ground.

What happens when your child has a birthday? do you not have a birthday tea with both sets of grandparents and all the aunties and uncles?
With my family yes, dh family, no. They've met DC (age 2) once.
christening? hospital when baby is born? weddings?
They didn't bother coming to the wedding, seemed pointless inviting them to the baptism. We live four hours away so unless we are going to see them, they don't bother.
school plays when they both come to see the kid performing?
You get two tickets to a school performance usually, it's not a free for all. I choose not to have my dc around my in laws as much as possible and long may it continue.

What about them PrincessPee?

Ours only met at our wedding, not before and not since. It's not weird at all IMO, neither of us are particularly close to our parents or siblings and everyone lives at least 100 miles from each other in numerous different directions, so there isn't any reason they'd see each other unless we made a huge point of arranging something specifically.

It’s deeply strange. Is it a cultural thing? Where I’m from, it would mean you were estranged from your families.

It’s deeply strange. Is it a cultural thing
Or, they live hundreds of miles away. So not convenient or realistic to be able to mesh together for a quick lunch ? Or are completely different kinds of people, so wouldn't necessarily get on and would therefore be uncomfortable for all? Or they just can't be arsed with the hassle of meeting new people?

I find it really odd.

We have agreed (DP & I) that we won't do separate birthday etc for children as they grow older as its too much faff when parents live 10 minutes from each other.

It doesn't teach children much about the love of all members of family and social situations when everyone is so separate. There's no excuse if they love near. I think it's a shame for children if everything is so separate. Especially if cousins of the same ages even when extended don't have the opportunity to mix.

Even in general its good to have a mix of friends from different backgrounds ages etc to aid becoming a well rounded person. Family provides that with no excuse.

DH and I have been married 20 years. Parents met once before the wedding and then at the wedding (we were all together for a few days then). After that not until DD was born. Then PILs golden wedding anniversary they had a big party and invited Mum. But they live a plane flight away from each other and then another 3h train journey to see us so it's not really surprising we don't see each other much.

What happens when your child has a birthday? do you not have a birthday tea with both sets of grandparents and all the aunties and uncles?

Never had a grandparent stay with us for a birthday party, PILs suggested it when DC were small but PILs are elderly and would need looking after rather than being a help so we got them to come a different weekend to the party for rowdy small children so we could concentrate on PILs and they could enjoy their time with GC. My sister and brother sometimes came to help (this requires a 6h train journey for one of them, and 3h for the other) but DHs siblings live abroad so have never been to our kids birthday parties.

christening? hospital when baby is born?

Not Christian so no christening (tend not to have these kind of social occasion anyway precisely because family so spread out and wouldn't travel to it). PILs did meet Mum when DD1 was born but week after so not in hospital, Mum was staying with us and doing all the housework, PIL came for the day for a royal visit. For other DC 6h discharge so no hospital visiting and PILs came after a few weeks when I was fit enough to cope with visitors (remember they are staying for a weekend not popping round for tea).

weddings?

Yes they met at our wedding. We've only had one wedding though.

school plays when they both come to see the kid performing?

Only get 2 tickets and grandparents are not going to pay several hundred pounds to travel to we live to see a half hour performance anyway.

@parthenope I don't think it counts as estranged as we both see eachothers family often, and we both go. Just both families haven't met.

We're in South West England

What happens when your child has a birthday?
The grandparents who live 5 hours away send stuff, the ones 1.5 hours away we'll see around the time.

do you not have a birthday tea with both sets of grandparents and all the aunties and uncles?
No. My children's couple of aunties and uncles live a long way away.

christening?
We had no christenings as we're not religious.
hospital when baby is born?
We had no visitors in hospital. They visited us (separately in the days/ weeks after)
weddings?
They met then
school plays when they both come to see the kid performing?
None have ever expressed an interest

Not strange at all. Why would my parents need to meet DP's parents? Totally separate groups of people; why should they mesh their lives just because DP & I have? They're likely to meet when my baby is born, but even then paths might not cross. They live 100s of miles apart, have nothing in common, have no need to meet.

My mum and my brother live in a city in the north. My sister and her family live 2 hours further north. I live kind of in the middle. My inlaws live 4 hours south.
Everybody gets together for the children's birthdays.

Please don't play the 'never left your home town' card.
My inlaws have travelled for school plays.

My family have travelled south for a big anniversary party.
They're not best friends but know each other and send Christmas cards etc

I dont entirely buy the far apart/no big occasions explanations — DH and I haven’t lived in our home country since the late 1990s, had a witness-only wedding in this country, and didn’t baptise DS, but our families —including elderly, not very sociable and unwell parents, who are very different types of people — know one another. Likewise my parents and my brother’s PIL, despite them living 200 miles apart and his MIL being profoundly deaf.

I hold to there being an element of culture. It’s clearly not a big deal in the UK (or perhaps England, assuming the majority of UK posters here are English), but it would indicate something wrong in many other cultures.

Why is it a big deal to people that other people's in-laws have never met (or only at weddings). I don't think my parents and my in-laws want to meet. They are very different people- not the kind of people they'd usually mix with.

Not a big deal to me, just surprised and interested so many people on the thread are married/in very long term relationships without their families meeting, especially given that I’m also always surprised that so many people on Mn live near some part of their families.

Been with my DP 12 years, no DC together. Our DM's live a couple of streets away from each other and have never met. I was going to arrange it, but I didn't. Now my mum has got dementia and I don't have the energy to arrange it.

I met my DD’s outlaws (she and her DP aren’t married) when they used to live near DD, 50 miles away from me. I like them, and went on occasional outings with them alone while DD was at work - theatre matinees, lunch etc, as we’re all retired.
But they’ve since moved 500 miles away to care for the elderly granny, so I don’t see them now unless they’re back up here to visit their son and DD.
Surely it’s up to each family whether they get on or want to meet up? It’s neither compulsory to do so or weird if they prefer not.

it would indicate something wrong in many other cultures

My PILs are not British, BILs ILs are also not British (but a different culture from my PILs). They lived in different countries and met at the Christenings and weddings. But at no other time due to living in different countries. All from countries that have a reputation for big family gatherings which they do regularly. PILs are polyglots so they can talk to each other.

It does seem a bit weird to me. We meet our DCs' in laws a couple of times a year at family events, and usually spend Christmas with one set. However, families come in so many different shapes and sizes - just do what feels right for you.

I was with my ex for a decade and our families never met. They live very far apart and we lived somewhere in between. We never married. We’re not religious. Our parents saw DS2 separately when he was born (no one but ex was allowed to visit the hospital).

Birthday parties have never been ‘a family affair’. We tended to invite friends with children/our children’s friends. Now it’s just about DS2’s friends. It would never have occurred to me to invite aunts and uncles etc (but that might be because neither of our siblings ever visited ex and me).

Feels strange to me. We live in the north, my parents in Wales and Dh’s parents in south. We get all the family together at least once a year. Both sets of parents meet up apart from us as well and stay with each other. My SIL visits my parents in wales. We visit SILs dh’s mum who lives an hour away. My sister’s dh’s parents go on holiday with my parents. Maybe we’re the weird ones!

Married 17 years. FIL has met my parents once - on my wedding day.

MIL has got to 4 now - wedding, 2xchristening and this Christmas.

We all live in different areas. My parents are very, very different to in-laws. They have nothing in common other than grandchildren. It is best to keep them apart.

And u don't get "what's to buy" and "playing the such n such card" and why its an issue for some on this thread. People have different lives and priorities shocker

Personally, my dh family are, overwhemingly selfish alcoholics, some with substance abuse problems and law abiding issues. My family are not. We were based 10 minutes up the road and they didn't bother to visit, now we're four hours away they obviously don't. Dh goes to see them, I don't feel a sense of duty to do the same and I'd rather not expose my toddler to them too much. They are not my family, they are certainly not my families family, its a shame, and not what I would have chosen.