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Original poster

Our family's have never met.

78 replies

ShortandSweet96 · 03/02/2019 14:21

Been with OH for 5 years. When we met he lived in a different town to me, but now we have bought a house in the town I live in, only around 30 minutes away from his.

We often see his family at party's, occasions and have his dad and brothers round for tea sometimes.
The sane for my family, will have then roundnfor tea, pop over sometimes and see them at party's.

But our family's have never met. Is this strange?
My friend mentioned it a while ago and it's bothered me ever since she said it was weird and not a proper relationship.

I now can't stop thinking that they will more than likely only ever meet if we ever got married!!

It's never even been mentioned by either party, about meeting eachother.

Is it really that strange?! Just looking for some different perspectives and opinions.

OP posts:
adviceatthislatestage · 03/02/2019 18:07

DH's mum and my mum met for the first time on our wedding day, which was after 25 years being together (and 2 DCs later).

JeremyCorbynsBeard · 03/02/2019 18:11

Just so you know - plurals don't need an apostrophe. So it's "families" and "parties" etc.

Drogosnextwife · 03/02/2019 18:11

@greendale17

😂 If you knew dps family you wouldn't introduce them to your parents for a family get together either, don't judge.
Why do you feel they have to have anything to do with each other?

WeaselsRising · 03/02/2019 18:14

I think my family and DH's family have met less than half a dozen times; wedding, christenings mainly, and we've been married over 35 years.

I'd be quite happy to never see DIL's family again. Ever. Can't stand them. Just because our DS and their DD have married doesn't me that we should automatically get on with them, or vice versa. We don't, because her DM is the rudest woman I have ever met in my entire life.

sackrifice · 03/02/2019 20:15

because they are all now family. Because a member of each of those families are now joined together in a union that is a long term relationship. Because it's the decent thing to do. Because spending time with people you all love, together , is good for soul. Because It helps cement family bonds and distributes love and unity.

Jesus did you swallow the little book of calm?

What utter bullshit.

NerrSnerr · 03/02/2019 20:21

My husband and I have been together for 17 years. Our parents have met once, on our wedding day. No need to see each other any more, they live a long way away from each other and are really different people.

bigchris · 03/02/2019 21:07

*CMOTDibbler

DH and I have been married for 21 years. Our parents have met twice - once a couple of months before our wedding, and on the day. My brothers ILs and our parents have met the same number of times*

Exactly the same here

My in-laws live in one place , parents other end of country and us in the middle, we don't have family birthday parties etc, no christenings, I guess they could meet at a graduation if there was one, don't think theyll be alive for a wedding sadly

bigchris · 03/02/2019 21:10

If we lived in tne same place i guess we might have had them all round on xmas day, or if we were both only children and they all had to come to us at xmas

HollowTalk · 03/02/2019 21:13

I would love to have a good relationship with my children's ILs. I thought that was normal!

bigchris · 03/02/2019 21:15

If theyre local, yes

bigchris · 03/02/2019 21:16

Look at gavin and stacey Grin
Gavin is an only child and parents drop everything to follow him about and meet in-laws Grin

Original poster
ShortandSweet96 · 03/02/2019 21:18

@jeremycorbynsbeard

I know I spotted my own mistake doing that. I think I'm only any good with grammar and spelling when I'm writing while at work or in any way formally.

Yet this is mumsnet and no-one is perfect.

Thank you though, for taking the time to grade my thread. B- ?

OP posts:
Jsmith99 · 03/02/2019 21:19

Me and DP have been together for 20+ years. Our families have never met, and we have no plans for them to meet. They are completely different people from completely different backgrounds (mine v northern working class; his southern, rural, horsey & posh). They would have absolutely nothing in common, and nothing to talk about.

Gin0clock · 03/02/2019 21:32

Another one, married 25 years, families 200+ miles apart, parents have met a handful of times, & not at all in the last 10 years

LeSquigh · 03/02/2019 23:56

Wouldn't it be nice if it were all Gavin and Stacey? Smile

We have been together 7 years and our families have never met and I hope they never do!

merrybloominchristmas · 04/02/2019 00:00

it's really weird!

What happens when your child has a birthday? do you not have a birthday tea with both sets of grandparents and all the aunties and uncles? christening? hospital when baby is born? weddings?
school plays when they both come to see the kid performing?

PookieDo · 04/02/2019 00:06

I’m single now but exDP’s mother (still MIL to me) and my mum are very friendly. Not texting one another but both grandparents to our kids, chat to each other when they see one another. I take my mother to exDP’s house sometimes when I collect my DC and he brings his mother to my house so their paths have crossed many times. I think when you have DC it is odd not to but each to their own

Tortycat · 04/02/2019 00:20

been with dp 11 years, 2dc and families have never met. i do think its weird tbh. but his parents are 300 miles north and dont travel or visit us, ever. So it would mean taking my elderly dm up with us to visit, which i think his parents would hate. My brother lives 200 miles south but visits regularly, but his siblings dont. Makes me sad but not a lot i can do. its been like this so long i forget it's weird, but it is. I'd love big family get togethers

Lizzie48 · 04/02/2019 00:23

@merrybloominchristmas

My DH's DM and BIL and SIL and their DC live a 3 hour drive away! So they don't meet at birthday teas and school plays! My MIL has met my family when she's stayed with us for special events, and at Christmas, but it's been quite uncomfortable and forced at times.

There really is no right and wrong here, it's definitely not weird to have no contact, judging by posters on this thread.

Walnutwhipster · 04/02/2019 00:47

It's a little strange. We no longer have our fathers but DM and MIL are good friends and go on holiday together at least twice a year, without us.

itaintme · 04/02/2019 01:01

Mines have met ... They don't live that far from eachother... But at the same time they haven't been in eachothers company too often.. and I'm happy with that

Floralnomad · 04/02/2019 01:09

Ours met just before the wedding when dh and I had been together for 4 yrs , quite honestly my inlaws are not nice people and I didn’t want to inflict them on the rest of my family .

NotTheFordType · 04/02/2019 01:35

@LoreleiLee1
because they are all now family.

Not in the eyes of either church or state, at least in the UK.
The only familial relationship is between the child's partner and his/her parents and siblings - i.e. parents in law, brother in law, sister in law.

There is no familial relationship directly between the parents of spouses, nor their extended family.

It's not Game of Thrones - you're not "joining your Houses" and discussing dowries and titles!

My H's parents had both passed away long before we met, so whilst I met his brothers and sisters, none of them ever met my family as none of the lazy fuckers could be bothered coming to our wedding (TBF it was in my home town 5 hrs drive away and it was his 4th wedding.)

I was engaged for years to a guy before I met my H, our parents never met.

If my son was engaged I would definitely make the effort to meet the family before the wedding though, but logistics play a part - if it was overseas then I'd probably just wait until the wedding.

If he was to have a child then I'd definitely expect to meet the family at some point, but probably just for it to happen naturally e.g. baby shower, christening etc.

snoutandab0ut · 04/02/2019 01:55

merry nice idea if they all live in the same town - but what if one set of parents is in Glasgow and the other in Plymouth, for example? And the couple live somewhere in the middle? Not very practical to have a 4+ hour drive for every school play. Not everyone has siblings to be aunts and uncles and not everyone throws family parties. It’s not weird. I find people who never leave their hometown (even if for a temporary period) weirder tbh!

LeviOsaNotLeviosAR · 04/02/2019 02:25

My DH and I have been together 11 years. Married recently. Us, his parents and my parents life 15 mins away from each other.
My parents have hosted a few Christmas dinners for us all, we have spent several nights out together especially for New years and the likes.
It would feel very odd if we lived in such a close proximity and the parents hadn't met a couple of times.

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