Boyfriend of 6 years loves me but doesn’t fancy me

[SkiGal92]

My boyfriend of 6 years told me about a month ago that he still really loves me and wants to stay with me, but he doesn’t fancy me anymore, and to be honest, it has completely broken my heart. I am usually quite resilient, but I can’t stop crying every time I think about it. I have put on weight since we first started going out, I’m a size 14/16 now compared to a size 10 then. I used to be fairly confident and could see the good in myself, however since this happened my self esteem is rock bottom. He still wants to have sex, which confuses me, why would you want to have sex with someone you don’t fancy? I want to have sex too, but since he has said those things to me I feel too embarrassed to be vulnerable and naked with him, so I don’t want to have sex anymore. He knows how much what he said hurt me and says he regrets saying it and that he is sorry, and I can see he is being sincerely sorry but I know he was just being honest. I am going to the gym and eating healthy now to lose weight, and I know this will also be beneficial to me, but I can’t help but think it will take months and months to lose weight and for all those months I will keep feeling this way. Although, I know he watches prn and even with me losing weight don’t know how it will ever be possible for me to compete with the variety and volume of prn stars. I am so low and really just need to talk to someone, but don’t want to talk to friends and family and them to hate my boyfriend. He genuinely is the nicest guy, just seems to have got caught in that trap that so many men do, and compare their real-life girlfriend to these photoshopped instagram models and p*rnstars. Has anyone else ever been in this situation?

Someone isn't a bad person for telling their partner they don't fancy them. It is different if it was done in a malicious way but it doesn't sound like it was that way at all.

I for one would rather know, because I would hate the thought of my partner thinking that and not telling me.

What’s the point in being in a relationship with someone if they are not attracted to you?

I think telling someone that is pretty mean. What is she supposed to do about it?

What happens when things start to sag, wrinkle and grey?

OP you know him better than anyone and you know whether it was meant to hurt or be constructive. In what context was it said? Did u outright ask him? Did he randomly come out with it? It is hurtful, but from the right person, with good intentions, it can be the boost needed to make changes if that's what you want to do. I'm 5ft8 and have been a few different sizes and can categorically say at a size 16 I did not have curves in any of the right places. I was miserable. My dad actually made comments at the time (obviously not of the fancying variety ha) and whilst hurtful, they were well intended and what I needed to hear. Much better than the standard 'you look great! Love yourself!' I have also had comments from ex's when I was a size 8 that were not well intentioned. If he is a decent person, then he has a right to be honest about how he feels, just like you have a right with him. I'd have an honest chat with him. If you are unhappy and genuinely want to make some changes can it be something you do together? Has he put on weight too?