How do you compromise on such big things??

[cantagree]

I want to move, he doesn't. I own the house, he pays the bills. That's the nutshell. How can you possibly compromise on that?

It's like one wanting a baby and the other not - it's a big decision and one person will be hugely disappointed.

Why does he want to stay? Why do you want to go?

There are some things that a person might not be willing to compromise on. If two people feel that way about an issue, it usually results in the end of the relationship.

You'd need to answer Hollow's questions before anyone can give you a more specific answer.

We've only lived here for 14months. I bought the place as a wreck and have done a total refurb so I've made quite a lot of money and want to now move on to alongterm home. I only want to move 1-2miles away so he doesn't see the point but that 1-2miles away is a better school catchment because of the "naice" postcode.

Do you have kids yet?

Yes one together and I have another daughter from a previous relationship. They are both in an independent school now but we need to be in a good catchment for a secondary school just in case Dd1 doesn't pass the entrance exam. Where we are now, the local state secondary is really grim.

Oh god just move. Schooling is important plus it’s your house?

Oh ok- was wondering if you were trying to discuss with him on the hypothetical level.
What about taking small steps, go see houses you could afford, valuations on yours- no commitment to the change just an open mind needed.

What are his objections?

Just 'not being bothered with the hassle' doesnt equal your reasons for leaving.

What are his specific reasons for not wanting to move?

Even if it's only 1-2 miles away, is it massively more expensive? In the city nearest where I live housing prices can triple within a few blocks. If he pays the bills, is he concerned about money? Are his concerns valid?

How close is your DD to taking her exams? Next year? Five years from now?

Are you married to this man? And more importantly, can you support yourself? Because if you can, then do what you feel is best for your children.

Moving is a pain in the arse and living through a refurb isn’t much fun either. I would be very pissed off if after all that that my partner wanted to move again in 14 months time.

Was the plan always to move quickly and to make a fast buck? You need to have a serious and honest conversation about expectations.

I wanted to move and he did not.
I spent 6 months looking every Saturday until I found our current house.
By then he knew I was serious and willingly came to look.
When he saw the pool, double garage, man land space complete with pool table, he was sold.
He did just not want to do any of the work involved in buying and selling.
Ended up walking distance to good primary and secondary schools.
Also court location and we have the best neighbors. Win win

Could the compromise be to wait a little while? If you've only been there for 14 months I assume most of that was living in run-down conditions and then building-site conditions. Maybe he doesn't want to rush into doing it all again. Could you enjoy your refurbished home for another year or so without affecting your plans for dc's education? If not, or if the plan was always to move on quickly, then I think you must move because your reasons outweigh his.

We did similar with our first house, did it up, made quite a bit and I wanted to move and DH wasn't against it but he wasn't for it either at the start. We had a tough time in that house, I relocated workwise and my commute was 50 miles one way, DH also has the opportunity to relocate to the area we wanted to move, so all of that made it a no brainier.

We had owned the house 17 months when it went up for sale and moved five months later.

I guess my point was, the reasons I had to want to move were quite big, DH didn't have big reasons to want to stay, and then it transpired a move would suit him too!

Sorry to clarify, it was bought September 18 and we moved in December 18 after all of the work was done; we haven't lived in it through any building work at all.

I'd like to move within 1 and up to 4 miles away at most but , yes, the price difference from where we are now is significant, circa £2-300k.

Currently mortgage free so can afford to top up with a small mortgage to allow for a move .

I always bought a do-er upper with the intent of moving on. How quickly realistically I don't know.

Dd1 is in year 4 so we're thinking seriously for senior school. Ideally she'd stay at her independent but that's subject to passing an entrance exam which is becoming more impassable year on year. She's bright but if on the day she has a wobble we need a good back up and are current local school is not a good back up - 250 kids in one year group as one of many reasons.

• our. God what awful grammar!!

Gosh living mortgage-free sounds wonderful.

Is schooling the only reason for the move? What does her prep say about the likelihood of passing the exam?

I think I would be staying put for another year, enjoying having no mortgage and revisiting the idea of moving in the summer term of year 5. By then you will have a better idea of whether she'll pass the exam, and still have a year to facilitate a move if necessary.

Gloomy That doesn’t work in terms of having the new address in time for state school applications. The OP would need to have the new address by the closing date (early autumn term Y6).

OP Are you sure about the likelihood (or not) of a senior school place? There are a lot of myths about level of competition for places. Worth checking explicitly with the prep.

It sounds as if her school is 4-18. Is the move to secondary not practically guaranteed if she's bright enough? Surely they prioritise existing pupils and make allowance for any inexplicable wobbles?

Also, the state school may be awful for all sorts of reasons but having 250 in a year group in itself shouldn't matter. Our catchment school has similar and is fantastic. I sent two dc to that, and two dc privately for various reasons but year group size is irrelevant.

Oh yes, doh, 31st October 2020 deadline. Still some time to work on dp!

@GloomyMonday no there's no guarantee at all. The prep children have to sit the same exam as external candidates which are up 30% for the same number of places.

Oh doesn't seem on board with my level of schooling concerns.

My little knowledge of state applications is that we have to prove council tax etc for 3-6months prior to application.

We would likely have to downsize to afford to move from approx 2000sqft to 1600sqft

Is he financing everything then when you say he pays the bills including school costs? So a house move that needs a mortgage would be yet another expense for him and the place would be smaller?

We split school fees then he pays 75% probably of bills. I buy food as well as 25% bills.