How do you compromise on such big things??

[cantagree]

I want to move, he doesn't. I own the house, he pays the bills. That's the nutshell. How can you possibly compromise on that?

It's like one wanting a baby and the other not - it's a big decision and one person will be hugely disappointed.

So presumably you aren't married? If the house is in your sole name, you can do what you like. Obviously it wouldn't do your relationship much good though.

I'm with your partner. You only moved in dec 18 so it's been weeks. And you would need to downsize. There's also matters like brexit to factor in.

OP cohort size does not a good or bad school make - I've worked in shocking secoandaries with 120 kids per year and currently in an outstanding one with 300 per year (and with dozens on waiting lists for every year group). Colleagues have worked in private secondaries and tell tales of shocking behaviour, standards and results.

Have a really good look at your local secondary school. If you're still not happy with it then yes, I'd be moving heaven and earth to get my kids into a better school, and if moving house enabled that then so be it

Yes I think I'm with your dp too. You can live in a big house and be mortgage-free, or a smaller house with a mortgage just 1-2miles away, just incase your dd has an off day and fails the exam in two years.

But it is your house so I guess, as long as you're not asking him to stump up more cash, you can put your foot down and insist that it's happening; entirely up to him whether he comes with you I suppose.

I think I'd be speaking to the prep school though about their opinion on how easily your dd will pass the exam. I imagine you'd be kicking yourself if you stumped up an extra £2-300k for a smaller house in the catchment of a great school only to find that you really didn't need to pay that premium, because she's continuing at her indie, even more so if it marks the end of your relationship.

I still think you've got a bit of time to play with.

It's a shame when couples don't just pool the money coming in and have joint accounts. It seems to cause so many problems.

Are you saying that houses a mile away cost £2-300k more than houses where you live or that's what a house in the new neighbourhood costs in total? Because to me, if you're saying the mortgage would be £300k after you put your equity down, that would be a massive change in outgoings. But if you're saying a house in the new neighbourhood would cost £300k but you'll have a huge chunk of equity money to put down & a small mortgage, that would be different. Although I'd hate the idea of 'downsizing' when I had a growing family. And I'd have a real difficult time with it if it meant my DC having to share rooms when they hadn't before. Or God forbid, only one bathroom!

I'm in the US so not familiar with school catchment/exams timetables in the UK, but it seems to me from what other posters have said that you have at least 6 months before it's 'crunch time' to move. Can you wait that long to give him time to get used to the idea? Do some calculating and keep looking at the listings so he gets an idea of what's available?

September 17 and December 17!! I keep forgetting we're 2019 now!!

Yes the houses are 200-300k even up to 600k more just a couple of miles away. Our house is currently worth about £775k but we'd tip over 1m if we moved.

Yes I think a 6-9 month thinking period would be sensible and rational.

So assuming that you get your expected price of £775,000 for your current home, you'd end up with a mortgage of around £300-400,000 in your new neighbourhood? That's a payment of around £2200-2500, not to mention all the other expenses of running a home. Obvs I don't know your (and his) financial status, but that would be a big change unless you and he have a very good combined income.

I think you and he need to have a very serious talk (or a few of them) about finances and expectations of who will pay for what. And also, and I'm sorry to mention this, since it appears that you are not married, what would happen if he suddenly decided he didn't want to be there anymore. Are you in a position to keep this new house yourself?

We are married

Oh! I guess since you referred to "I own the house" I assumed you weren't married. Is the house a joint marital asset or did you own it before you married? Because, to my understanding, if it was purchased after the marriage it's a joint asset regardless of whose name it's registered under or whose initial money paid for it (unless ring fencing is done).

Not so easy to just pick up and move if you're married then. Even if you could sell the house without his permission, there's still the questions of asset division. You and he will have to come to some kind of agreement. I can still understand his hesitancy of taking on a rather large mortgage payment when you and he have been mortgage free. Do you work?

@AcrossthePond55 yes I bought it before we married. It was bought in September 17, we haven't been married long.

We both work full time with equal salaries

2-300K is not a small mortgage it's an extra 2500 a month that is not small money even if you earn 100k a year; and it would pay years of independent school fees

I think even with a short marriage the house will be considered the marital home and he will have some claim maybe not 50% yet but he does have a claim

to me it seems silly to spend an extra 300k for a smaller house

Then you're free to do whatever you want, assuming you can afford the mortgage on the new house. Of course, it would probably be the end of your marriage and the beginning of a hassle of a different kind.

What is his specific objection? You've said he 'doesn't see the point' but that's not really specific enough. He doesn't want a smaller house? A mortgage (ie higher living costs)? He thinks the local school will be fine? He hates the hassle of looking/buying/moving? To try to talk someone over to your point of view, you really have to be able to 'counterpoint' their specific objection with solutions or 'mitigations' of whatever problem he's foreseeing. If he just says he doesn't see the point, you'll have to find out exactly what he means by that.

I can quite see why someone does not want to move to a house 25% smaller with an increased monthly bill of £2500 that is just a few miles away, on the basis that someone may or may not pass an exam in a few years
and what if you move then daughter passes again anyway you have made living and financial conditions much worse for nothing

I meant daughter passes exam anyway,

Is your sole reason for moving the school issue? Or had you always set your heart on moving to new area? Just wonder if it's emotion over logical.

If you are married then it's a joint asset now. Short marriage is less likely to count when there are children as the whole co habit period is taken into account.

Do you know his reasons as higher cost does feel sensible, especially with stamp duty.
If your daughter failed the entrance test would another independent be possible?