Is kissing another woman that was a mistake and meant nothing really cheating?

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Hi - I'm so confused right now and need some help. I kissed another woman while extremely drunk - a stranger I'd never met before and will never see again. My husband saw us kissing and is furious. This has never happened before and it meant nothing to me; I can barely recollect it happening. I feel terrible about it but my husband refuses to discuss it and has just told me it's the same as if I had kissed a guy. He says it's full cheating and I'm really struggling with this because it was a one-off thing that never happened before and I don't know what the £&?! brought it on but it's totally out of character for me and it's not like it was some premeditated thing. There was no emotional connection or malicious intent in cheating, I didn't seek it out - I was blind drunk. He says none of that matters, cheating is cheating and he can't forgive me. I absolutely own up to making a huge and hurtful mistake but is that unforgivable?! 🙈 I just want to be able to tell him how horrible I feel about it but he shuts me down when I try to share how upset I am about what I've done. How can we start healing this together if he won't let me share how this has been eating me up inside too? Help!

lmao

Have you had banter about it before? I mean it’s no different to him doing it but I do get that drunk so can see how it happened but I am single...I don’t think it’s that bad tbh

You cheated, it’s up to him if he forgives you. You know it’s cheating deep down, trying to make it other will make it worse for any future relationship

As a lesbian i'd find it pretty stupid and imature behaviour if a partner who is also lesbian got drunk and kissed a gay man... i wouldn't consider it cheating AT ALL but would feel uncomfortable with this because i'm not 20 and partying and doing crazy stuff anymore and it's not something i want to have to deal with in a relationship. I'd probably have a talk and would be able to get past this and still be together as long as it didn't happen anymore.

Now, if the man were straight i'd be extremely uncomfortable and consider it to be cheating and would be seriously considering her sexual orientation. This would lead me to end the relationship.

Is the woman you kissed a lesbian? Was it a quick kiss or a full on french kiss? This details might be important and affect his view on the situation. Are you sure you're not attracted to women?

Cheating? Yes!

But you've owned up and accepted it and I know the "drunken" reason you're not using as an excuse but the circumstance that led to the kiss.

The question is, how was your marriage prior to the kiss? I think you only have just the one person to convince about how sorry you are = your DH. I guess if the table was to turn, you'd be fuming and disappointed too.

I believe we all make mistakes and no one is perfect; it's how we work through them together in a relationship that matters most.

What a load of mumbo jumbo - just because you believe all this, doesn't mean he has to.

Look, you got drunk, kissed someone else, and that someone else is a woman. That's a game-changer, it's not what he bought into. It was your choice so own your action - you'll have to deal with the fact you were prepared to risk your relationship.

Can you paint the picture about how this happened OP? Were you drunk of your own volition or is there a possibility your drink was spiked? As others have said above, I've been very drunk, but never so drunk to do something like this... I wonder what was the premise? You were dancing with her? Or she was an acquaintance? Why was your DH right there?

I absolutely agree with what MsDogLady said.

It doesn't matter what you see it as, it doesn't matter what we see it as. He sees it as a betrayal to your marriage and I upset and angry about it. Stop trying to play it down.

Really stop trying to fight for equal air time for your feelings. There are some circumstances where one person's feelings trump the other, certainly in the short term. Hear him. Look up validation. That's what he needs right now. You don't have to like it, bit you do have to accept it.

And just remember, a person can end a relationship for whatever reason they want. They don't need to justify that it is 'serious enough' to anyone else.

For what it is worth, I would rate this as cheating and it would likely destroy my marriage. I just have no interest being in a relationship that makes me feel bad.

Being cheated on, is awful. Having to see it would be extra humiliating. They the final nail in the coffin would be the concern that it did indicate something about your sexuality.

Yes it is cheating. The fact that it was a woman that you kissed does not change that. It may actually make things worse in his eyes, if he starts questioning your sexuality. However it could have been worse, it didn't go any further. You need to apologise (which you probably have already) and have the conversation about how bad this has made you feel. If he won't engage directly, then you need to try counselling. I think it needs to be done quickly as these things become worse if they are left to fester,

It's cheating to me.

But mire importantly, it's cheating as far as your DP is concerned.

You u don't get to call the shots, or set the timetable now. No cheater should. It is entirely up to your DP. I recommend you try listening, and don't say any of the self-pitying justifications/excuses you have posted on this thread in RL.