I am desperate for advice and some kind of help please

[limerancevictim]

I feel terrible - I am stuck with this acquaintance being all over me, he calls it (or at least, his friends who are friends of mine) call it limerence and he just wants to be friends but I am beside myself with his stalking, which is how I see it.

Please can someone explain to me the difference between limerence and stalking and obsessive behaviour because I am freaked out and really disturbed.

Thank you.

OP, you may find some advice and support here too.

www.suzylamplugh.org/

www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/FAQs/Category/anti-stalking

You know OP, I'm also really confused by this 'limerence' shizzle. Cos it is shizzle.

A man has become obsessed, he's stalking you, getting his friends to message you. It's all fucking a bit much.

What concerns me OP is the strength of your reaction. I'm worried. It has clearly affected you and very strongly too. Eventually, he will back off as long as you stop reacting. Stalking cases can go on for years cant they but I suspect they are rare.

Ensure that you have him blocked everywhere and then try to put him out of your mind. If you feel unhappy/worried, can you change your routine? Have you caught him physically stalking you?

Yes I have changed my routine.

Yes I’ve changed jobs.

Yes I’ve stepped away from friendships (acquaintances really) and places I might see him.

This has been going on for years. Our last mutually consensual interaction (ie we had coffee and I broke it off) was at the beginning of December 2014.

Physically stalking he used to deliberately go to things he knew I would be at. I don’t go anymore.

I’ve changed my phone number twice. He doesn’t have this new number but he got the last one.

I can’t do any more then I have. And yes. He has stopped. The last contact was a message on new year. But it’s taking me a long time to get over.

Goodness OP - that's FAR more serious than I initially thought. Poor you .

OK sweetheart, you have a leak in the dam somewhere I would warrant. How on earth is he getting this information? Let's think logically.

Who do you trust?

New year was barely five weeks behind us. These messages are repeat Hoovers. Did you respond or give any reaction in any way?

No wonder it's taking a while to get over, he's stalked you for years. If he starts again, please go to the police.

Being the object of someone's unwanted attention - when they know you aren't interested yet persist in contacting you - is wearing at first, then annoying, and gradually becomes unnerving when they won't give up.

I feel your pain @limerancevictim

Your initial post made it sound a bit like someone had taken an unwelcome shine to you and was being a bit of a pain - hence so-called friends saying he was 'harmless'. Your subsequent updates have clarified it is absolutely nothing like that. It is pure, out and out stalking! No doubt about it. Limerence bollocks.

Make this the year you put a proper stop to it once and for all. That means reporting the full story to the police, including all the steps you have taken to avoid him. Changing jobs, chancing numbers multiple times, blocking him - tell them everything. I'm sorry to hear all the shit you've had to put up with. Please don't put up with it any more. The minute he makes contact again, in whatever form, please report him.

You need to report. It is him and your so called friends you need to worry about. Stop blaming the people on the other thread you keep banging on about. They are not doing YOU any harm .
HE is .

Wow you have had nearly 5 years of being stalked and the last one was only 5 weeks ago. You have no idea if it will happen again so your whole life is on pins and you are hyper vigilant. This is exhausting and sounds like you (reasonably) are developing PTSD / MH / anxiety / depression.

1. Get some counselling to stop your MH declining.

1. Get a log together of the last 5 years and every manoeuvre you have had to make and take it to the police. They will deal with it by putting a PIN on him - so you can be clear that nothing will happen again without legal consequences for him.

1. Ignore these bizarre friends and do not read or consider anymore of the Limerance stuff.

I'm so sorry op, I hope that you get some advice from the police.

This limerence thing is the disorder du jour, just grow the fuck up; most of us manage to deal with our emotions in an appropriate fashion. Wallowing is not a good look for a grown-assed adult.

OP - been thinking about you today. Hope you're well.

It was bothering me why the repeated Hoovers because something is triggering them then of course it became clear; this narc has developed a malignant obsession so of course you will ALWAYS been on his mind. This is really quite rare with narcs. It is one of the main reasons why a narc will devalue then disengage and it appears to the victim as if they have been dropped from a great height. Indeed they have and they can do this by literally erasing you from their minds. That is, until you enter into one of their spheres of influence and they perceive a Hoover will be successful. This is why there is never a discard and only a disengagement.

The above are the thoughts of H G Tudor. A malignant obsession is something else so I strongly suggest that you head over to narcsite.com and begin reading. It may be worth your while consulting with him.

I would also recommend the police as PP have stated.