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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Introduced him to my parents and I’m a bitch for breaking up with him?

27 replies

User444441 · 02/02/2019 11:02

I was dating someone for about 3-4 months. We met each other’s parents as they lived on the same street as him (as in my parents, his parents and him lived on said street). Obviously this didn’t mean we had to meet each other’s parents but it ended up just happening as my dad saw my car on his drive and asked about it. Another time I was visiting my family and he drove by to pick me up (I don’t live in that area).

Anyway. A few weeks later a few things happened that made me want to slow things down. He was funny with me if I wasn’t free every weekend for example. I ended it.

Hes since said various things to me, the main on being that I led him on by introducing him to my family and that he would never have introduced me to his if he hadn’t met mine first. He’s blocked now, but I’ve been thinking about it and wondering if i acted horribly here? I ended it because I didn’t feel like he was right and I started not to fancy him. I never arranged an ‘introduction’ to my family, it was a casual thing that just happened and evolved into a drink at the pub at the end of their road! However given his nastiness when I ended it, I am wondering if I was wrong here and should have managed things differently?!

I don’t want to be with him. Just wondering reallt if I was the nasty person he told me I was for doing this.

OP posts:

forumdonkey · 02/02/2019 11:05

He needs to get over himself.

another20 · 02/02/2019 11:23

Anyway. A few weeks later a few things happened that made me want to slow things down.

Thats all that matters. You have been proved right. Bullet dodged.

Anniegetyourgun · 02/02/2019 11:27

You might just as well say that he led you on by appearing to be the kind of person who you could introduce to your parents, before his true colours started to peep out. Anyway, admittedly I'm no expert on the modern dating scene, but I can't imagine that having to stay together because you've met their parents has ever been a thing. Not in the last century at least.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 02/02/2019 11:33

One last text?

"Get over yourself! Grow up."

Maybe not but, asothes have said, your instincts about him were right the first time. He is weird, ha sweird expectations and a massive sense of entitlement and maybe matryrdom... bless him

Original poster

User444441 · 02/02/2019 11:51

I’m glad to read these posts! He was actually quite angry with me about ending it...kept saying how embarrassing it was, how did I think it was ok to do that, i clearly wasn’t a nice person, I’d used him etc etc.

It all just made me want to end it even more!!

OP posts:

toffeeapple123 · 02/02/2019 11:58

Blimey. It was just a few months and he's reacting like this? How old is he?

Original poster

User444441 · 02/02/2019 12:10

His main issue was that I had let him meet my family and therefore led him on.

Although I know he wouldn’t do anything, I did start feeling threatened in the messages, he really seemed to hate me for having ended it! It was quite strange.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 02/02/2019 12:11

Lucky escape there

category12 · 02/02/2019 12:14

You made such a good call ending it. Well done. Your instincts were bang on.

futuredayspast · 02/02/2019 12:18

Yes, once a person has met your parents you must stay in a relationship with them FOREVER. This is why the only divorces that ever happen are between people who didn't invite their parents to the wedding.

Or...he's unhinged and you have had a very lucky escape!

Original poster

User444441 · 02/02/2019 12:19

Another comment that made me laugh: ‘I’m extremely emotionally intelligent, I can work people out just by observing them.’

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 02/02/2019 12:22

What an absolute loser of a man - and congratulations on your dickhead detectors, they are working really well.

Remember that it's absolutely OK to dump someone for any reason at all. No matter how 'shallow'. No one is owed dates, sex or a relationship. OK, if the person you are dumping is someone you had entwined lives with (live together, DC together etc) then you need to be considerate about doing the dumping, and as fair as you can be WRT finances, kids and the rest, but it's still OK to dump a partner if s/he is making you unhappy, or you're bored with him/her, or you would prefer someone or something else.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 02/02/2019 14:29

Ah! There isn't a single person in the world who has great emotional intelligence who would say that they have - cos they know how emtionally stunted it would make them seem!

As others have said, you can drop anyone for any reason even for no reason at all! It's your choice, your life.

He has zero self awareness, it seems.

toffeeapple123 · 02/02/2019 14:42

Christ alive, 34? I had boys behave this way towards me in my teens and early 20s when I didn't want to go on a date with them.

He's clearly got severe self esteem issues and a sense of entitlement.

Well done for listening to your gut and ending things with him.

Giesabreak · 02/02/2019 14:53

What a cringeworthy toaster

You're well did.

Giesabreak · 02/02/2019 14:53

*tosser

My toaster is probably my most loved kitchen appliance.

toffeeapple123 · 02/02/2019 14:54

Giesabreak

ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/02/2019 14:54

He was actually quite angry with me about ending it.

This is amazingly common. Sadly.

I once dated a guy for maybe 8 weeks during which he had a birthday so I bought him a novelty mug about golf (he was a golfer). As the dates went on I realised he was a functioning alcoholic as was his father who he lived with (I never met him but he told me enough to work it out) and decided that wasn’t for me so I ended it by just saying I wasn’t really feeling any spark and wished him all the best. I found out from different people after that he had sacked off work for two weeks after I ended it because he was so devastated and went on a massive bender and just couldn’t understand why I would dump him because I’d bought him “that mug”! what?? He thought a mug meant I loved him? Was committed to him? Apparently I was responsible for the lost wages and drinking bender. Terrible woman that I am.

Another guy I dated for 4 months, the fizzle went out and it was no longer fun, we were sniping at each other. He was due to visit me at the weekend and I said I didn’t think it was working out so no point coming. He was furious that I was ending it despite totally agreeing it was dead in the water!

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 02/02/2019 14:55

Bullet well dodged there! What an entitled wanker.

Original poster

User444441 · 02/02/2019 15:02

It was all so strange, he said I had used him because nobody would introduce to their family then end it a few weeks later. I was also screenshotted (is that a word?!) photo of the present he got me for Christmas, only for him not to actually give it to me... this was before I had even ended it. And I know he had bought it as I had seen the receipt in his car. So so strange.

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 02/02/2019 15:07

Seriously messed up man. I wonder what his history with relationships is like. BTW, if he carries on pestering you, tell him to fuck right off and that if he contacts you again, you will report him for harassment. And if necessary, report him. Sometimes men this entitled can become a bit of a problem, though most aren't dangerous and will content themselves with whining at their mates over a few pints about what cunts women are...

CuriousaboutSamphire · 02/02/2019 15:09

And remember to tell your parents that he turned out to be a creepy fucker! Warn them not to get sucked into anything by him or his parents!

Starlight456 · 02/02/2019 15:33

Well rid .

MitziK · 02/02/2019 15:43

Not a bitch or nasty person.

A very smart one who listened to her gut instinct about him and got out just in time, as he was obviously beginning to feel more confident about being a dick to you.

Zwischenwasser · 02/02/2019 15:45

You might just as well say that he led you on by appearing to be the kind of person who you could introduce to your parents

This. With nobs on. But dont actually send it.

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