Is it ever OK for the woman to make the first move?

[Bloodredheart]

I'm hopeless at dating. There is someone who I'm extremely attracted to, but he seems to go from being shy and nervous to being aloof, then showing obvious interest. He's lovely and I don't want to pass this by. I feel there's so much we have in common and a great deal we could talk about.

How do I go about this? Or should I follow convention and let him pursue me and follow the old age rule of "if he's interested, he'll move in"?

Of course it is ok.

Absolutely OK for the woman to make the first move! If he’s not interested then you haven’t lost anything. If he is interested or is shy about approaching you etc. and you don’t make the first move either then you’ve potentially got a lot to lose! Keep it casual, just ask him for a drink or a coffee?

It is definitely fine for you to make the first move - ask him out for coffee or a drink.

Good luck!

Of course it’s not ok! What do you think this is, the 21st century or something?

I've asked loads of men out over the years! He who dares, Rodders, he who dares

If you are positive he is single, go for it

Remind me what century we are in?!?

Yes, it's fine. Women can do all sorts of things now, you know. We have the vote now and everything.

Is it ever NOT okay for women to make the first move?

Ask him for a coffee. Make sure he's definitely single first though

I know, I know. I'm being a bit pathetic. It is the 21st century after all. I have not dated for well over a decade

I've never made the first move on a man... Maybe it's about time I bit the bullet and do just that. I just don't want him to think I'm too forward or anything.

Any other tried and tested ways of how to make the first move?

How do I find out he's single? Do I just ask? I assume he is as he's shown obvious interest. I do wonder if he's lost interest, is not that interested, thinks I'm uninterested or is just afraid of rejection? I'm way over thinking this!

I don’t think you’re overthinking it, I think it’s quite lovely you’ve found someone you fancy enough to want to make the first move. How do you know him? He’d have mentioned a wife or girlfriend if he has one I’d assume. Ask him what he’s doing this weekend? If he’s not single he’ll be spending time with her. Making the first move.... confidence!! Just be confident!

I think asking him about his relationship status will make it obvious you’re interested any way so is probably a good way to test the waters! I am massively too shy to make the first move and envy you and the above posters who have the guts to. Good luck 😊

Ask him.

• are you single?
• no, I'm married
• cool, what does your wife do?

Or

• are you single?
• yes, why?
• fancy a coffee?

See, easy peasy lemon squeasy 😊

I did - 25yrs ago now .

Reader, I married him

(and we've now got grandchildren!!)

Gosh, that does make it sound like it's easy peasy lemon squeasy. Though putting it into action is liking to get my pulse racing faster than a bolt of lightening. How I hope he is single.

Of course it bloody is.

That's just beautiful, Laska

All of my thoughts on reading the title have already been posted so I won't repeat them, when will you next see him Bloodredheart?

Like everyone says, yes of course you can. But I wouldn't. Old fashioned maybe but I think if he likes you he'll ask you.

Ask him OP! Although showing obvious interest doesn't mean he's single, unfortunately. You'll have to ask.

Yes. Worked for me

I happened to be standing next to a man at a bar, he ordered a pint, I ordered a half.
Apparently (wasn't my first drink! ) I swopped drinks, stood and downed his pint, had a chat, and a kiss (), never had a night apart in over 6 years, married with a dc now!!
And I am shy!!
Very!!

Do it.

If you want him to feel like he made the move then find an event you are interested in, drop into conversation that you'd love to go but have nobody to go with, dot dot dot.