Do I need to tell my partner? Please advise!

[Worriedgirl122]

Hi all.
I have been with my current partner for 14 months now. We are both in our mid 40s. I had a smear test recently which came back normal but it turned out that I have HPV. I genuinely didn’t know I had it when I first met him. I haven’t had many partners in the past and have always been careful.
We both had discussions about our past, and had std checks (which came back clear). I am very worried now about whether I should tell him or not. I don’t know how he will react or how it will affect our relationship.
Please, advise on what you think I should do. Thank you in advance.

Well yeah you have to. its highly contagious

First of all, do you know you had it before you met, if you had an STD test that you know was OK?

Isn't it likely that he passed it to you if you've been clear in the past?

Well it appears that he could have had it and passed it to you unknown as it doesn't get tested for in men (currently no reliable test). Did you have std tests before you started sleeping together/not using protection? But yes I would tell him it can have serious health consequences.

How do you know he didn't pass it to you?

When you go for STD testing, they don’t test for HPV, so the STD tests that we had came back clear. We wanted to stop using condoms. I didn’t know I had HPV till I had a smear test earlier this month.

Hang on don't panic - are you assuming that you have herpes? There are loads of hpv types and only. Couple cause warts herpes genital or oral and again different ons can go on to cause cervical cancers. You need to know which ones you have. Most women who have been sexually active will have some form of hpv - so it really isn't unusual for you (or him) to have it in your mid-40's

Yes, it’s possible he passed it to me as my smear three years ago was clear.

I am just so sick worried about it and it’s driving me mad. It was a shock to receive the letter saying I had HPV and I am also worried about his reaction.

It’s not herpes. I called the surgery and they said that it’s high risk HPV - the one that may cause cervical cancer I think but they couldn’t tell me what type it was. I don’t think it was the one that causes genital warts.

90% of people will contract HPV at some point in their lives. Usually the virus clears itself within 2 years. It’s highly likely he already has/had some form of this virus if he has had more than one sexual partner in his life. Condoms don’t protect against this virus so it’s likely he already has caught it, if he wasn’t the one to pass it onto you, but there is no way of knowing if he has it.

HPV is NOT herpes.

It is not genital warts - that is low risk HPV, not tested for during the smear test. There is no HPV test for men.

Isn't it likely that he passed it to you if you've been clear in the past?

Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate them.

It’s impossible to know when/who you contracted this virus from. It can lie dormant for years. Also the testing of this virus during smears is relatively a new thing.

It’s possible, Musti.

You are right, katy78. But it did cams as a shock and feels like a death diagnosis to be honest

Don’t worry I’ve been there; and so have practically all my friends! Just do things to boost your immune system and it should clear it on its own. Your smear was normal that’s the most important thing.

It's not a death diagnosis. It's the detection of a risk factor - as a result, you will be monitored for any cell changes and treated pretty much the instant something looks different/well before any cancer happens. If anything ever looks different.

It's like knowing you have gingivitis - there's no guarantee it'll get worse, but the dentist can keep an eye on it and treat any change before you're at the point of losing teeth.

Thank you so much for your support and reassurance . It means so much!! I am desperately trying not to google too much as I am sure there will be lots of horror stories!

katy78, may I ask if yours cleared. I appreciate that it’s a personal question so feel free to ignore it.

There is no way to know whether he gave it to you or you already had it, so why would you worry about his reaction?

It’s tricky one with me - the immune system clears it, however I am immunosuppressed due to Crohn’s disease medication. Despite this I have only ever needed to be monitored I have never required treatment and my last smear test was normal :-)

It’s good to hear that your last smear was normal and thanks for answering.

More people have HPV than don't have it.

I think the new way of doing smears (hpv test first) is going to to make these sorts of situations more and more common.

As others have said, you don't know if he passed it to you.

Glad your cells are normal. Hopefully you'll be clear next time.