Do I need to tell my partner? Please advise!

[Worriedgirl122]

Hi all.
I have been with my current partner for 14 months now. We are both in our mid 40s. I had a smear test recently which came back normal but it turned out that I have HPV. I genuinely didn’t know I had it when I first met him. I haven’t had many partners in the past and have always been careful.
We both had discussions about our past, and had std checks (which came back clear). I am very worried now about whether I should tell him or not. I don’t know how he will react or how it will affect our relationship.
Please, advise on what you think I should do. Thank you in advance.

Hi Worried,

Listen to Katy. There is no test for HPV for men, and it can lie dormant for years! Also, you don't necessarily have to have sex to pass it along. Although rare, in can be transmitted via skin on skin contact - as in above the condom.

I tested positive for HPV for 5 years before it cleared on its own. I started taking vitamins last year to boost my immune system, so maybe that helped? Who knows! All I know is thank goodness I don't have to get any more cervical biopsies...for now. :)

Congrats bluedamsel!

Thank you, Iris27 :)
bluedamsel, really glad for you. It’s really encouraging to hear :)

HPV is transmitted by skin to skin contact, and so it's true, condoms do not protect against it. There's 228 types of HPV (ish) identified as of July 2018, and around 12 types that are classed as high risk.
HPV16 and HPV18 are the ones most frequently identified in cervical cancer (70% and 20 ish i think but going off memory). HPV is usually cleared by your body within 2 years but repeated contact/build up cam cause the cells to become abnormal and as cells reproduce, the abnormality is carried in them and that's when it can cause problems.
I know a lot of that has been mentioned in other posts but just to reiterate them.
I think the HPV identification does cast a negative connotation these days and seems to imply promiscuity and the like, but that's not the case. It sound like your cervical screening has identified the HPV presence and dependant on what level will dictate on next steps. I would assume your letter will tell you what's been decided.

If you or your partner need more info, JO'S TRUST (Sorry caps) will be able to help x

Thank you for the information , baileys6904

What @katy78 said is spot on. WHO have some good info here www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/human-papillomavirus-(hpv)-and-cervical-cancer
The statistic of high-risk types 16 and 18 causing 70% of cervical cancer does sound alarming- it's worth remembering that the large majority of individuals who contract types 16 and 18 will clear it spontaneously themselves without further treatment within a few years- I can't remember the statistic exactly- I think it was >90%- please correct me if I'm wrong! I seem to recall learning if you've had four sexual partners or more you will most likely have contracted at least one HPV type. It's the most common STI but most often symptomless.

I had borderline changes on screening and type 16, went for a Colposcopy and had CIN1- no treatment, yearly smears- think it went within two years if I recall 🤔 it was a long time ago! Had normal results ever since and back to routine 3 yearly tests.

I did bring it up with my partner- he knew nothing about HPV 🙄 and was a bit confused initially, then surprised when he found out that was why his Mum and Sister had colposcopies in the past. As PP have said condoms don't prevent transmission... sex education didn't cover it at all when I was in school, and no-one seems to talk about it!

Cross post with @baileys6904 who has articulated it much better than I!

Haha not at all ecce, I was just reading your reply thinking how good it was lol :)

Also If it helps, I had abnormal test a few years ago ( was the smear test that looks for the abnormal cells rather than the HPV that looks for the virus) and ended up with 3 areas of concern, with a couple being level 2/3 which was mad scary to me at the time. Got to say though, a quick visit on an out patient appointment for a spot of lasering ( should have asked them to no-no my legs while they were at it ;), about 30 mins worth of fiddling, and I think a couple more tests at 6 and 12 months and then told to go back to every 5 years and that there was nothing else of concern. Research and treatment has come on so much these days, I think it's the change from abnormal cells to the whole HPV spiel has caused confusion.

Thank you again so much for taking the time to reply. That’s all very reassuring to know that it is not the end of the world! Thank you :)
Do you think I should be open and tell my partner? Just knowing his personality and temperament, God knows how he will react!

What do you think his reaction will be?

I was diagnosed with the same HPV as you, plus abnormal cells. Went for a colposcopy and had a smear again 6 months later and the HPV has gone.

I told DP and gave him the information about it, most people have HPV at some point.

Try not to worry x

I wouldn’t tell him in a serious and alarming way. I would probably just mention you had an abnormal smear and this is caused by the HPV virus. Telling him much more than that won’t really achieve much. He can’t find out if he has it.

I personally wouldn't tell him. So many more women are going to find out they have HPV now due to the way smear tests are done. My friend was horrified when hers came back positive, she's been with her partner 15 plus years.

What katy78 said. There’s also a lot of information online about the different types of HPV, which ones are riskier, and how the immune system works to clear them. It’s now possible to test for different HPV strains so people are finding out that they currently have one or more types, whereas in the past they’d have been oblivious.

(By people I mean women, as it’s correct that there is no test for men at present)

I don't know that you have to tell him. I think the statistic is that 80 percent of people have some form of HPV, only a couple of strains of which out of 100s are an issue, but as there is no test for men I think there can be a danger they kind of assume the woman is the source. And as people have said it could be easily him you got it from.

But it depends how clued up/mature his attitude to these things I guess are, are you concerned that he could react badly?

Ps I have had it but it cleared up too

Most people have HPV of which there are more than 50 different strains, not life threatening & it isn't considered important by NHS.

I haven’t read all the replies but my sister had this recently and she was assured it’s not herpes or any kind of STD. It’s a change in your cells that happens to a lot of women as they get older.

She was referred for an internal scan and it all came back clear. Just has to have another smear in a year to see if there are any further changes.

@SailAwayWithMeHuni no, it's a viral infection and not everyone is immune to every strain of HPV, sorry your info is wrong.

Full name: human papilloma virus.

@thekingfisher HPV is not herpes. That's HSV.

I was found positive for HPV not long after myself and DP got together. Like you I had been check previously but HPV is not tested for in STI tests. It is only a smear that can check for it.

Fast forward a few years and I was given a nearly all clear Nov 17, waiting on results for smear from Nov 18 (being Ireland its up to 4 blooming months for results) but it seems that the steps I took helped me get rid.

As for telling him, you have too. Men can be carriers, so if things don't work out between ye, and he has another partner he needs to be aware of it. It could have come from either of ye, so do not finger point. Just say that it has been found. Stick to the facts.

If you are looking for things to clear it, take meds to boost your immune system, if you smoke try give it up, my big one was tampons, I was a sporty teenager so have always used them, stopped (for the most part) once I found out I had HPV and things have only improved greatly.

Hope he is understanding because more sexually active people have HPV than are clear from it, this is why they are vaccinating against it now.

Sadly many people don't tell anyone and that's how it's passed.

It's also not considered important, that's why STD clinics don't test for it.

There was only very recently an injection to prevent people getting HPV 5 & 11 (off the top of my head). But none of the others.

@ImMeantToBeWorking actually the vaccine only appeared relatively recently, that's why it's now available on NHS- nothing to do with sexual activity or because of being more sexually active.

@frankiesamson I am aware that it only became available recently, my sister got it in school but I did not 5 years earlier. But if HPV was not becoming a major issue both the NHS and HSE (Ireland) would not be giving the vaccines for free!

Losing a teeth from losing your life is very different.