Knowing my worth in a relationship?

[Curveball9]

Hello, I'm new to the site, but can do with some urgent advice please.

I'm a single mum to 2 teenage girls. I met a lovely guy last year and on the whole things have been good. We had a couple of dates before he labelled it a "relationship" which I thought was a bit too soon, but didn't say anything.

Anyway very soon after, he was busy and not making time for us, despite my requests and making plans to do things together, he would say "I'm busy, or that he wasn't interested in the activity I had thought of" Fast forward a few months, he has been diagnosed with blood cancer (I've not seen edovance of this, just what he has told me) and he was banned for driving for a year, due to being an idiot. Anyway he's been apologetic for not making time for us when he had the luxury and promises he will always make me a priority.

So recently I have been helping him out financially; he has taken on a second job working night. I have paid for a bus pass, topped up his mobile, bought a couple of things for him and I regularly pick him up or drop him to work, as this is the only time we can spend together.

So when I picked him up today, he told me a female friend asked him for help and she needed money which she would pay straight back, but she hasn't and it's been a few days! I didn't say anything at the time, but I'm fuming right now! He is completely broke! It took him 2 weeks to scrape £25 for a new log book so he can sell his car and here he's giving money away to a friend! He didn't say how much, but I got a feeling it was a couple of hundred, from the way he was kicking off!

I just feel so unappreciated and undervalued! I've never asked him to pay towards the petrol because I know he's struggling with money. But this feels like a slap in the face! Am I over-reacting?

He is a loser. Dump and don't give him any more money.

That was my initial thought too. I'm seeing him later tonight so at the very least I'm going to have it out and let him know how I feel.

What are you...his (unpaid) help ?

I regularly pick him up or drop him to work, as this is the only time we can spend together.

^^this stood out to me. Is he married/in a relationship? The whole situation isn't right. I think he's a leach/con man.

He just needs a chauffeur

I'd be surprised if either the illness or the friend needing money are true!

He's using you.
Time to move on. Seems he's only interested when it's beneficial for him.

If he really liked you he wouldn’t care what it was you had planned he’d be there. You need to shake him off

I think he's a complete liar and user and that you should dump him pronto.

He’s using you! I would ghost him.

What do you think your daughters are learning from this @Curveball9?

I'd bet his fantasy loaned £200 on you now being asked to cough up to pay his rent/phone bill/overdraft fees... As his 'trusted friend who was in desperate need let him down so badly'. 😔

And how exactly is he on the bones of his financial arse if he's taken a 2nd job and still can't afford his bus fares?

"Have it out"? Nope. He'll have more excuses than Carter has pills.

He's using you and that's wrong, 'illness' or not.

If I were you I wouldn't bother, I'd simply say "This isn't working for me. Best wishes and good luck in your future!"

And I'd say it by text!

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. You've ignored or minimised some serious red flags here already. He telling you he has/had blood cancer (you have only his word for this after all) and being banned from driving for a year?.

Do you really have the word MUG written on your forehead?. He has you down as such. You're being used and sadly you have allowed yourself to be used to date. What do you want to teach your kids about relationships here, is this really what you want to teach them?.

End this charade by text and use the wording that AcrossthePond has suggested. No to having it out with him later on, rip the plaster off swiftly.

The only time you see him is when you are giving him lifts?

I think you should move on and leave him to it.

I would start making myself unavailable, I think he sees you as a bank/taxi driver rather than his OH.

Tbh actually I would probably just become flakey out of spite, pretend I would pick him up for work then not bother, pretend to be sympathetic when he’s clearly angling for more money but not respond to him asking... but that’s me and I’m a cow.

He saw you coming I'm afraid. Just ditch him

So when things are good he's nowhere to be seen and now he's on his arse he wants you right??

An adult taking money from a single parent?

Fuck him off asap.

You need to end this situation immediately. What would be the point of ‘having it out with him’? He doesn’t respect you at all and is using you.

He is some sort of addict. There is another life going on here and he is just exploiting you. Debts, lies, deception and manipulation. Bin him ASAP. Nothing to discuss.

Good god. Get rid.

You say that you met a "lovely guy".

You really really didn't. You met a leech.

What ever sort of example do you think you are setting your DC?