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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How can I leave him with no money

44 replies

howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 12:19

I hate my husband. He's not abusive unless you count the odd name calling etc. But he just has no empathy. I hate him. I have no money or income to leave him and have a 4mo DS to think of. I'm stuck aren't I?

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 27/01/2019 12:20

You go cap on hand to a friend /relative if you have one. Dgm loaned me deposit for a rented house, a neighbour helped me pack, her dh drove a van, and I got the hell out.

Original poster
howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 12:22

I don't have anyone to ask. Or at least nobody who could help. Thank you for replying though

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Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 27/01/2019 12:26

You need to start stashing cash op. Cash back when shopping? Sell used baby items on eBay, keep the money in your PayPal.

Walkacrossthesand · 27/01/2019 12:31

Presumably you're a SAHM with no access to family funds? Did you decide together that you would not return to work after DC was born? How do you do shopping etc?

category12 · 27/01/2019 12:31

You're married so you'll have a claim on marital assets, and he'd be expected to pay child support. Why would you necessarily be the one to leave? Would it be possible to live separately in the same home temporarily? You could then possibly start a benefits claim as a sole parent. Look into what you might be entitled to on the benefits calculator online.

category12 · 27/01/2019 12:33

Do you have no access to money at all? Where is the child benefit paid? If you have no access to money, you are being financially abused, and that's domestic abuse.

Original poster
howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 12:37

I do have access to money. But if I put any aside, we won't have enough to pay the bills. He has PTSD. It would be cruel to make him leave. It's not his fault really that I hate him.

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Original poster
howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 12:38

I have the baby upstairs. I am crying, he is crying. I can't comfort him properly. I can't cope.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 27/01/2019 12:39

Would he see a gp? Confide in your mw -
You can't go on like this op.
Flowers

Original poster
howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 12:41

He sees someone for his PTSD. It is helping but slowly and hellish in the meantime.

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Original poster
howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 12:42

Btw I meant baby crying, not husband

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crappyday2018 · 27/01/2019 12:42

OP do you think you may be suffering PND? I'm not saying that is why you hate your husband, but if you do have PND, it could be making it harder to cope with things.
Have you actually told your husband yet how you feel?

Original poster
howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 12:45

No I don't think I am. Reasonable question though considering lol. I hated him at times before baby was born. But a baby, while wonderful, has obviously made things more difficult in many ways. I do have anxiety and am prone to depression, but I'm fairly certain that neither are PN related.

OP posts:
Original poster
howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 12:46

I've told him during rows but never in the cold light of day

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Original poster
howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 13:19

Please someone come back. I'm so alone

OP posts:
cavycavy · 27/01/2019 13:22

Hi, do you have anyone IRL you can text or call? Sounds like you’re going through a really difficult time. The first year with a baby can put a strain on eventhe most harmonious of marriages.

TooTrueToBeGood · 27/01/2019 13:23

You say it would be cruel to make him leave. Maybe it would actually be the best option for both of you, even if it's just temporary to give you some space. Could he stay with his parents or a friend for a bit?

SuziQ10 · 27/01/2019 13:34

What's your situation with extended family? Have you got parents / siblings / aunties etc that you could stay with for a bit, while you decide what path you want to take.

Take what money you can, you have a baby so you will need to buy essentials.

Robin2323 · 27/01/2019 13:49

Stress and anxiety can seem like p n d when it's not.

Get some CBT for managing the anxiety. May get your health visitor to bump you up the list because of the baby.

Keep encouraging your dp with his therapy.

You have so much on your plate right now but it will get better Thanks

Teaandcrisps · 27/01/2019 13:55

Hey OP - hope your ok. Those early days with baby are really exhausting and precisely the moment when you need someone to be looking after your needs too.
Is there anyone he can go and stay with? Sounds like u could do with even a temporary break from your OH?

Bettydaviseyes · 27/01/2019 13:57

Sell everything you possibly can on eBay or fb.

If you can live separately in the same house temporarily you can claim benefits. You may then be able to apply for a grant for help with a bond for a flat. Speak to CAB.

Speak to your health visitor if you have one.

Original poster
howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 14:26

I don't really have anyone I feel comfortable calling or telling. His PTSD makes it a rather unusual situation that people often don't understand. I think i will try to put the child benefit away every month. It will take a long time to save but it's a start and it opens my options up a bit

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Original poster
howcaniiii · 27/01/2019 14:27

He works from home so hard to make phone calls but will try to get out for a walk on my own during the week. This will ruin his life, he doesn't have anyone else. And he won't be able to have our son on his own as the crying is too loud and triggers his flashbacks.

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bloated1977 · 27/01/2019 14:28

Sorry to ask but why did you have a baby with someone you hate?

GrandmaSteglitszch · 27/01/2019 14:30

Speak to your health visitor if you have one. Or to your GP.
See if you can get some counseling to help you cope in the meantime.

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