How can I leave him with no money

[howcaniiii]

I hate my husband. He's not abusive unless you count the odd name calling etc. But he just has no empathy. I hate him. I have no money or income to leave him and have a 4mo DS to think of. I'm stuck aren't I?

Good question. I didn't hate him all the time. I think I loved him still. And I just thought things would be ok.

I don't think you hate him at all, but you are in a difficult situation which you hate.

Maybe. My feelings are gone though. I do care about him but I don't want to be with him. And when we argue, it feels like hatred. I was stupid to have a child with him

It won't always be like this, op. Your baby will get older and communicate in other ways than crying. Your dh would be able to see the baby with supervised access to keep up a relationship, (if it was an amicable split that could be you, or if it's more difficult, then at a contact centre). There are always ways round things.

You need to talk to someone, people may not fully understand, but they may not need to to still be able to help.

Good question. I didn't hate him all the time. I think I loved him still. And I just thought things would be ok.

Things are pretty crap right now but they will get better.

Are you and the baby getting out much? Get yourself out to some mother and baby groups, you might find new friends and getting out of the house on a regular basis will help you.
This might not be the total goal you’re looking for but could be the start

Are you getting help with your anxiety and depression? If not, see your GP now. Hard as it will be I do think you have to tell your husband that you no longer want to be in the marriage. He needs to know. You say it will ruin his life but he actually deserves to be with someone who loves him so its the kindest thing to do (for both of you). Life is too short to stay with someone out of pity.
Once you tell him you can then discuss how you can separate.

Hi op, what a difficult situation your in right now :-(.
I was in the same situation in 2013 so I know how you feel.
Start saving however much you can it will all help. Is your house rented or bought? Is there any equity in the property ?. Do you claim tax credits ? You can still start a claim whilst living with ex.

Consider contacting woman’s aid. Reach out to friends you may be supprised how helpful people can be. Feel free to pm me if you want [smile[

sorry youre srtugging OP

My late H serrved in NI and had PTSD

Ultimately we had to split for the sake of mine and my DC safety

Thank you all for being so kind. He said to me tonight 'you won't leave will you?'. I felt awful

@NotTheFordType I'm sorry to hear that. Did your ex manage to keep up a relationship with the kids? My husband's PTSD is from childhood. From what I understand, there are many similarities. It's all very sad to witness isn't it

@kateshair thank you, you're very kind. How did you get your life back on track?

It took a while. First thing that helped was making a plan - saving money slowly, separating the finances don’t get a loan or hp or anything with him. Untangle yourself bit by bit from him.
Claim tax credits separately, don’t cook or clean for him - disengage.
Take time for yourself if you feel
Low or anxious visit the doctor. I did and I had a course of antidepressants which took the edge of everything- nothing to feel
Ashamed off taking them if you need them.
Avoid alcohol- it’s a depressant and will not help. Talk to friends and come on here and vent. Prepare to feel guilty as it’s you who is leaving but you have been driven to it so let go of any guilt. It will feel a rollercoaster ride up and down but in the end it gets easier. Try to be civil with ex easier said than done I know but if you can do that.
This was my experience of it. Hope it helps a bit like I said pm me if you like. Good luck..

How are things today op?

Today has been better. No arguments. I do feel more positive. I will start putting away the child benefit to help keep my options open. Thank you everyone xx

in the interest of furthering the cause of equality for women, I will now write you exactly the same thing I would write to a man:

"I have no money or income to leave him and have a 4mo DS to think of. I'm stuck aren't I?"

get a job, you loser, it will give you the money to be independent.

---

now for comparison, I will write you what I would write to a woman:

just start a divorce procedure. you'll get 40-60% of the money he makes from doing his job, and you'll be able to move out and live off his money while continuing doing nothing that deserves a salary.

...are you aware that CHILD's benefits are money that are supposed to be used for CHILD'S benefit, not your personal one, which is why they're called CHILD'S benefits?

You would tell a bloke who was the primary carer of a 6 month old to get a job, loser? When his wife worked and was unable to cope with the baby alone due to MH problems

I don't think so

But getting an evening or weekend job would be a great idea (as a necessity- granted not something to sing and dance at)....But then OP said she has no one for childcare and DH can't cop3 b3cause of PTSD. A 4 month old can't be left alone and childcare will cost more than most evening or weekend jobs pay

@MidnightSt well aren't you a treat 

Tell you what, I'll put £80 per month away but I'll make sure it's not the specific £80 from the child benefit, okay? Feel better? Or perhaps my child will receive exactly the same amount of clothing/nappies/hot water regardless of whether I call my savings his child benefit or not.

Thank you @Dirtybadger you've summed up perfectly.