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Original poster

Would you date someone who has been in prison?

60 replies

whatishappening · 26/01/2019 17:04

Just that really..
Been speaking to someone via OLD. He has been honest about a 6 month sentence he served in his late teens for a drunken brawl. Since coming out he has become a dad and has a settled life and job.
A large part of me says to call it a day & look elsewhere. Another part of me thinks he made a mistake and paid the price.
Thoughts?

OP posts:
Paddy1234 · 26/01/2019 17:31

No - due to the fact that a prison sentence for a brawl means very serious and most likely that other 'things' may have been taken into account when sentencing

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 26/01/2019 17:31

I think it depends what for. I always used to think it would be a straight forward no, but what if someone has done time for something that wasn't their fault? Then maybe I would.

GalacticChickenShit · 26/01/2019 17:31

Nope. He's violent enough to be sent to prison for 6 months.
And he's lying about how serious it was

C0untDucku1a · 26/01/2019 17:32

He absolutely must be down playing it. Or even have a criminal record before this. Have you asked him if he has a criminal record apart from this? I would assume he is telling you one thing so you think he is being honest, but hiding much, much more.
And it is for violence. Street brawl does not get 6 years custodial sentence, surely!

So, my answer in this instance is absolutely fucking not.

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 26/01/2019 17:32

No

carly2803 · 26/01/2019 17:33

No... i dated someone who said he had been in prison for assault pretty early on

i ran,

BitOutOfPractice · 26/01/2019 17:33

There's no way it was a drunken brawl unless someone was very seriously injured

So that would be a no from me in this case because he's lying.

cananybodyfindmesomeonetolove · 26/01/2019 17:37

No. Because a "drunken brawl" is made to sound like a bit of fun that got out of hand, 'boys will be boys' and all that. But in reality, it takes a lot more than that to get a custodial sentence.

Would you feel quite as OK about it if you heard the details of him slashing someones neck with a broken bottle? Or stamping on and kicking someone rendering them unconscious and with broken bones? Or that he has a rage problem, and the barmaid 'looked at him the wrong way' so he and his mates thought they would 'teach her a lesson by giving her a good beating'? Details are very important.

nutellalove · 26/01/2019 17:40

No way

GalacticChickenShit · 26/01/2019 17:42

@C0untDucku1a

6 months

KitKat1985 · 26/01/2019 17:45

To go to prison for 6 months for a 'brawl' he would either have been in repeated violent offences or have committed a very serious violent act in this 'brawl' such as ABH or GBH.

You don't go to prison for 6 months just because you threw a punch whilst pissed. This suggestions he I seriously minimising what has happened, which in itself is very worrying.

MrsTerryPratcett · 26/01/2019 17:45

Nelson Mandela? Yes.

6 months for a violent offence (and it wasn't a pub brawl one-off, I guarantee it)? Hell no.

C0untDucku1a · 26/01/2019 17:48

Galactic yes! Sorry. I said 6 months in my head. Dont know why i wrote 6 years!

whatamidoingwithmylife · 26/01/2019 17:52

Not a chance.

Good that he's been honest with you by telling you - but unless you can find out what actually happened, you'd have to take his word for it.

Original poster
whatishappening · 26/01/2019 17:53

Thank you for the comments, they've confirmed how I was already feeling about it.

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 26/01/2019 17:55

I would want to know details.

People CAN make mistakes and turn their lives around. I would keep an open mind.

Can you Google his name and see what you can find?

BitchQueen90 · 26/01/2019 17:56

Sorry, I missed your post about already googling!

wishywashy6 · 26/01/2019 17:57

Wouldn't bother me personally, I'd just have to know the details and make my mind up from there.

toffeeapple123 · 26/01/2019 18:14

Absolutely no way - not even if he were rich or claimed to be the nicest guy in the world.

Duchessgummybuns · 26/01/2019 18:20

My boyfriend served 2 years for a violent crime 13 years ago. So yeah, I would, but only because I’m confident that’s not who he is anymore.

Looking forward to the judgey comments...

ontheup2019 · 26/01/2019 20:13

Tricky one.

One of my best friends husband's served a couple of years at age 18 for beating someone up quite severely. He got sent down as he'd also previously been done for theft twice I think. He was a complete little shit as a teenager.

Whilst inside he completely transformed. He was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD and medicated accordingly. He worked out, did weights and took up boxing to keep fit. Having only a smattering of GCSE's, he then did a level 3 qualification and began a foundation degree in computer science which he then turned into a full degree when he got out.

He is now married to my lovely mate and is a great guy, a brill husband and father and a bloody hard worker who makes good money. He's really done well for himself and that's down to him. He's remorseful for his crimes but also said that prison, although scary was the reality check he needed to turn it all around.

I think everyone deserves a second chance. But I also think tread carefully and try and find proof first that what he said happens, actually happened...

OneStepMoreFun · 27/01/2019 12:36

ontheup that's such a lovely story. Good on him. It's great to hear that prison can actually help people get their lives together instead of just being a punishment then back out to reoffend.

MitziK · 27/01/2019 12:45
  1. No.
  2. Six months? He must have really hurt somebody. No.
  3. A drunken brawl = he gets violent when drinking. No.
  4. I can't find his name online = is he using his real name? No.
  5. I can't find his name online = is there child protection issues involved? No.
  6. He became a Dad afterwards = was the violence something to do with somebody being pregnant by him? Such as being the victim? No.
  7. 'Honesty' is sometimes a ploy to make others feel secure 'He told me about it' (not mentioning the 35 other offences his barrister asked to be taken into account). No.
  8. What sort of family did/does he have to be like that in his teens? No.
  9. Just No.
cinemalover · 27/01/2019 12:54

Depends what for really, crimes have to be quite serious to go to prison.

Drunk driving, rape, GBH, robbery, drugs etc. No way.

Tbh I wouldn't want anyone knowing my partner had been to prison, how embarrassing.

custardcream1000 · 27/01/2019 12:58

It would depend on the circumstances. I would want to know the circumstances so I could make an informed decision.

The sentence in normally determined by the harm caused and this is not always in line with the level of violence. One punch that hits someone in the wrong part of the head can cause serious injury and even death. There are numerous cases out there of people who are not normally violent but had fights to defend someone else and ended up with very serious sentences as a result. I've worked in the criminal justice service and seen a number of case such as these.

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