Boyfriend won't commit..what should I do

[Strongteaplease]

I've been with him for two years and have really fallen deeply for him . In the first six months he was totally smitten and I loved it! He couldn't do enough for me and was so romantic and attentive and we would spend alot of time together . He has his kids half the week but it was never a problem. We all got on very well and they used to say they wished I was their mum and everything was perfect.
He wanted us to move in together and I was the one that said let's wait a short while to all get to know each other properly which we did and it was all still lovely.
Then gradually he started reducing the time he spent with me, I hardly saw his children who i got very close to.
To cut a long story short, he sees me only when his children aren't there, we hardly spend any time together and all the romance is gone ...I haven't seen him for four days and have had a few texts like " goodnight" and " good morning". I hardly ever see him weekends any more as he says he's tired or its " difficult" with the children. I really don't understand him. When I try to ask what's wrong he says it's all in my head and every few weeks hell be telling me that we need to sort out living together this year as I'm the love of his life and he's only happy when I'm with him but then he goes all cold again and doesn't speak or make any effort to see me.
To be honest it's making me feel ill now not knowing what's making him like this...one week talking of how great our life will be together...the next week blanking me. We only live three miles apart but it feels like three hundred.
I do love him and we are great together when he's not blowing hot and cold, but I just can't handle his moods and not knowing how he can turn off his feelings for such a long time. I feel like saying it's all or nothing .....but I can't go on like this.

It sounds as if it got very intense very fast if you got to know his children well to the point where they wished you were their mother (!) *and he wanted to rush into moving in together within six months most people wouldn't even have met one another's children by then.

It burned itself out too fast, and now the initial infatuation is over, he's no longer as interested, and is maybe retrospectively rethinking the wisdom of his decision about letting you and the children get close very early on.

Don't beat yourself up, OP -- you're in pain, but congratulate yourself on not having moved in right at the start. That was an intelligent move. Imagine going through this, and having to move out and find somewhere new to live and/or break up a household as well.

I find the phrase He's just not that into you so unhelpful in this context. The book is great, but the phrase doesn't belong here on this forum.

Anyway, it's him, OP, not you. He is a COWARD. If he wants out, he should say it. But he doesn't have the balls.

He sounds like a commitment phobe - he was happy to get hot, heavy and close before. There will be no curing him.

I understand you love him and are invested, but please try to prepare yourself to distance from him, so when the end comes, it won't be as devastating. Remember he's not meeting your needs - this isn't the kind of man you want.

I am sorry it will hurt, but it will be better for you in the long run, I promise - hold on to that thought

You did exactly the right thing slowing things down and now you know what he's really like. Anyone can be super-charming for the first 6 months. Is he back with his ex? You know who he is now. Let go of this shoddy bloke and give yourself some space. Being single is ace (when you adjust to it) and being on the receiving end of someone else's blowing hot and cold is really dismal.

Maybe I'm a cynic but I think there are a significant number of men who just love the chase, and then when they think they've got you, lose interest, but give you just enough to keep you hangingnon, until the next one turns up.

You're getting the long goodbye and you're not taking the hint. Hes fallen out of love with you. Sorry.

Time is a great healer seems a cliche, but it is true. Get up and show up even if you don't want to. Do things that make you happy. Exercise.

2 years..women have their hearts broken after being with a man 5, 10, 20, 30 years. & Are here to tell the tale.

You will get over it if you try to.

You're suffering now from sunk cost fallacy.

have a read of this . It's a bit long, but it explains exactly where you are now - where the pain of moving on seems greater than the potential gain for you.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but it's time to take control and consider your own self-esteem. Get rid of him, move on and find someone who's better than this man.

OP firstly .
I can relate to your post word for word and when he started playing up, I posted my heart out on here and the lovely people on here gave me the advice that were much needed and appreciated.
The best thing I ever did was to ditch the fucker and stepped into 2019 a brand new baggage free lady.
When they start acting strangely and telling you "it's in your head" blah blah blah, it only means one thing I'm afraid = it's over but they want you to be fed up with their strange behaviour and for you to pull the plug.
Just brace yourself for the unexpected and be strong. X