Working away during the week - wanting to go to the gym at the weekend....me not him

[Whatdoesitmatteranyway]

ok, so I realised that I need to make a serious effort to lose weight (again).

20 years ago I lost 10 stone - and I've put it all back on again. and at 5'3'' that is not good - albeit I carry it better many. I'm a size 20-22 however for 21 stone at my height I should be a lot bigger - I've still got quite a bit of muscle from when I used to body build. But either way I'm currently a porker and I get that.

DH is behind me wanting to lose weight - has hinted I should go see about surgery however I 100% will not do that.

I know how to lose weight and for me its calories in vs calories out - and exercise. Mainly cardio combined with resistance. I suffer from PCOS and without exercise my metabolism slows down to bugger all which is how I've put it on - eating too much for a metabolism that doesn't work properly without exercise.

Now, here is the problem. I work away mon-thur so DH and I only get to see each other fri-sun. He;s off work waiting for surgery at the moment so that means he's home alone most of the week.

I wil be training Tuesday and WEdnesday for certain.

Thursday I can't do as I'm travelling home.

Monday I will try to do when I finish work however I'm up at 4am so by the time I finish at 5pm - I'm not sure exactly how awake I'll be but I'll try.

Which means I want to go at least two days outs of Friday-Sunday. Preferably three days but I'd be ok for two.

However I can hear him now. But we don't spend a lot of time together anyway and you want to spend it in the gym.

If I exercise I can lose weight eating 1500 calories a day.

If I don't exercise I struggle even if I each 800 calories a day.

I don't want to live on lettuce all weekend.

I'm not being unrealistic or unreasonable to want to go to the gym am I?

But you're not planning on spending the whole day training are you? Surely an hour's intensive training on each day should be sufficient?
Are there children that he is having to look after in your absence?

No not at all, you need to do this for your health.
My dh works away and he sometimes goes to the gym when he's home, he's gone an hour or so we wouldn't be spending that time gazing into each other's eyes life goes on when he's home washing cleaning kids etc.
I go out too and do what I need to do or want to do. We make time for each other in between.

No, no kids, no pets

I'd be out two hours each session. Time to get there - 40 minutes cardio, 30 minutes weights - travel home.

Personally, I can see it from his side too and think there might be a compromise to be had here. I think 3 days training is enough for most people to stay healthy/lose weight alongside a healthy diet so if you are training 2 days while you are away, can you compromise on training on 1 of the days you are home?
I think if it were me I might feel a bit frustrated if I only saw my other half 3 days a week and he insisted on going to the gym for 2 hours on every one of those days.

If he was in work (rather than off sick) it wouldnt be an issue as he works friday/saturday so I could go out then.........

I suppose I could sell it on the basis of two days and we'd still see each other more than when he's working.

P.S. I know my metabolism crashes with more than one day off between training - ok its 20 years ago when I did the investigation along with a professional coach but I needed minimum four sessions a week (preferably five) to keep it ticking along nicely.

My compromise also be making sure I go on Monday nights which inconveniences me over him therefore only needing two days at the weekend.

Would he not come with you? Not sure what his operation is for, but he could do some extremely gentle exercise perhaps. Then you spend time together and you get to work out, not as vigorously as you want but you both compromise.

Is he too off sick to come along with you one day?

how about you are up 7 am and back by 9? or go to that gym as he makes lunch or dinner for both of you (I guess he expects you to do it)

I think he is being unreasonable here

would he give up his recovery time and slow it down for you? because you need that gym time to feel better again and he knows it (but you are less important to him than his needs are)

after 8 hour sleep the rest of the day is 16 hours, he will have 14 of those hours with you, I think he is a drama queen

:) Goddess!

That’s not quite how your metabolism scientifically works- yes regular exercise is good. But your metabolism won’t drop noticeably after 24h.
Can you do HIIT workouts from YouTube at home at the weekend? 30mins in the morning and you’re done?

He's waiting for two knee replacements so is very limited as to what he can do.

Its also the extra 1000 calories I'd earn to enable to eat stuff I actually want to eat

So ab, back, arms, shoulders are up for grabs then? He can still go, or he could maybe swim if there's a pool there?

If you exercise and are a size 20 you don't need to eat 1500 kcal to lose weight. Unless you have a very rare genetic condition. Even with PCOS and an interactive thyroid the weight will fly off at that rate and it's unlikely to be sustainable long term. Do you weigh your food when you calorie count?

I'm in a similar position to you but less extreme. I am normally active but have been sat around for 4 months due to a leg injury. Gained a lot of weight. I exercise 4-6 days a week. And I would be at DP insinuating I shouldn't just to spend an extra few hours with them. And we don't live together, either, so it's comparable to working away. I've started training more now so he can either come with me or chill out at home. His choice. My physical and mental health is more important than any relationship (MH issues managed better by exercise than most other things)

If DP is supportive, maybe he could join you? Or as a compromise do something different and active he wouldn't mind doing- a long walk or a bike ride, etc.

Oh I'm such a dumb arse. I had read about the op he is having. Of course my final suggestion is dumb...!

I go running at 630am every Saturday morning, am usually back before DH and the kids are even awake - is that an option?

Yanbu but is there any way you could compromise? Hiit at home on one of the days maybe, or get up super early and go so that you've still got the whole day together?

I don’t think you should compromise in the slightest.

Do what you want to do. It’s only a couple of hours.

It isn't compromise if only OP is compromising.

If I exercise I can lose weight eating 1500 calories a day. If I don't exercise I struggle even if I each 800 calories a day

At a size 20/22 this cannot be correct. A calorie deficit of 500 per day will see you lose 1lb per week. There is no way your body is only burning 1300 cals per day even when sedentary. A 1 to 2lb loss per week is healthier and much more sustainable long term than restrictingto 1500 and training 4 days per week at 10st overweight.

Its also the extra 1000 calories I'd earn to enable to eat stuff I actually want to eat

Here's your problem OP, don't eat back exercise calories, it doesn't work like that. For one thing estimates of calories burned during exercise are wildly inaccurate.

At your height and weight your maintenance calories are roughly 2,300 per day even if you were sedentary. You need to eat 500 calories under this to lose 1 pound per week. Remember to weigh all your food for accuracy. You can use any online TDEE calculator to check this.

If this doesn't work for you then you need to see a dr for tests.

Anecdotally also some people with PCOS report success with a low carbohydrate diet.

Good luck!

Weightless is 80% what we eat and 20% what we move.

loss

I think it's great you want to lose weight the healthy way with lots of exercise and not crash dieting.

Would it make any difference what time of day you went to the gym at the weekend? My DH is training for an event and goes out first thing in the morning so we can still go out as a family later in the day.