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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

end of a friendship between a man and a woman

41 replies

cantdecide1 · 23/01/2019 10:30

I have been (text mainly) friends with a guy for 7 months and previously posted about this that he wanted to stop texting which i have respected. but he said we would remain friends and still see one another in out social circle because we have a connection. However he has since this time seemed to avoid me altogether which does hurt. So I broke the no text rule and asked him if he was avoiding me. He sent me a long message saying he had no reason to want to or need to avoid me and basically he had been busy with all the details of what he had been doing..no affection just facts. It felt cold but he replied.. now what i want to know is..is he just being polite? he said he cared and wouldn't cut me out of his life but it feels like that is what he has decided to do. have i lost this friend forever?

OP posts:

abbsisspartacus · 23/01/2019 10:31

Bluntly yes I would move on from him

Original poster

cantdecide1 · 23/01/2019 10:37

abbsisspartacus so you think he doesn't give a damn any more?

OP posts:

userxx · 23/01/2019 10:51

You're massively overthinking it and it sounds like you have more feeling than just friendship.

Parthenope · 23/01/2019 10:53

How can you have a friendship based entirely on texts? Why did he want to stop texting you? What on earth is actually going on?

WorraLiberty · 23/01/2019 10:54

Sounds like he realised you've developed a crush on him

SummerStrong · 23/01/2019 10:57

He doesn't feel the same as you do. He doesn't want a friendship with you but is trying to be polite (and is also being a bit of a coward) the best thing for you to do is leave him alone and move on.

If you look back on your 'mainly text' friendship I am guessing it was always you starting conversation.

Try to distract yourself and keep busy, until this doesn't bother as much anymore

SparklyMagpie · 23/01/2019 10:57

I'd move on

Original poster

cantdecide1 · 23/01/2019 11:13

no it wasn't only me he used to text me all day every day from 7 am some mornings. He said a lot of caring stuff and it wasn't one sided but there are reasons why he wanted to stop. some days we would text up to 70 times a day so I dont know. he said he cared about me and that we have a connection, we also did see each other a bit socially and he repeatedly commented how comfortable he was with me and he could talk to me in a way he couldn't with other ppl so i dont think he never gave a shit. he has just decided its not sensible to keep this friendship as we are both married I guess.. but i will add it was not sexual before you all kill me.

OP posts:

MumsyJ · 23/01/2019 11:16

Move on, there's nothing to lose in this virtual texting friendship malarkey.

wasabiaddiction · 23/01/2019 11:18

You are both married.

It was developing into an emotional affair (if not already there)

Just take this opportunity to move on and think about what you can work on in your life to make you happier.

Birdie6 · 23/01/2019 11:18

Now I've heard everything. A text relationship - please . Time to grow up, both of you, and live in the real world.

MumsyJ · 23/01/2019 11:19

Blimey 70 times a day OP and you're both married? 😳😱.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2019 11:20

So you're both married but texting each other 70 times a day. Talk of caring for each other and a connection etc.

Sounds like emotional affair territory.

He did right to put a stop to it.

Focus on your marriage, and the friends you see in real life. If you see each other socially then fine. If you don't, then fine. That is how FRIENDSHIP works

YoSoyLaPrincesa · 23/01/2019 11:23

This is clearly more than just a friendship. If you saw him as a friend and had only been in contact for 7 months, then this would not he affecting you in this way. No judgement here, but I think you need to come to terms with the fact that you have feelings for this man and find a way to move on from it.

areyoubeingserviced · 23/01/2019 11:24

Op, the fact that you are both married is a problem. He doesn’t want to continue with the friendship

Move on and focus on your marriage. That’s where your energy should be directed.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 23/01/2019 11:28

He's married, right?

deydododatdodontdeydo · 23/01/2019 11:30

Oops, just saw the update. Oh well, my intuition is on point.

SummerStrong · 23/01/2019 12:19

Oh...married. Yikes

Ragnarhairybreetches · 23/01/2019 13:00

Yeah 70 times a day would be taking his attention from his wife. That's way way OTT, a long with the 'understanding him like no one else' etc, it is very close to EA territory, he can see that, you need to and drop it, spend time with your spouse and get a wider friendship group.

Original poster

cantdecide1 · 23/01/2019 13:20

ok its over anyway. I totally accept that is the correct stance but i cant help missing him. I do have lots of other friends but he is a very solid sensible dependable sort of person and i was going through some really bad stuff and he steered me back on track. I do/ did feel immensely close to him so feel sad but understand there is nowhere for it to go except trouble. It wasn't always 70 sometimes on 12 messages but it was nice talking to someone who was interested and kind. I had hope we could be friends socially face to face but although he says he isn't he is avoiding me which is a bit sad. but i am sure you will all say for the best.

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2019 13:21

Does your husband know OP? Would you be OK with him texting a woman that much about those topics and feeling so sad at missing them?

Original poster

cantdecide1 · 23/01/2019 13:24

no he doesn't know. he has done similar. it did hurt when he did that and other things that have never fully healed. when all this kicked off i asked my husband to come to couple therapy with me because i wasn't happy with a lot of stuff he said it was a waste of time, so i asked him to leave and he refused.. continued to do the things i wasn't happy about so i think i used the other person to take away the focus on my problems which has left it all a bit at sea now he is gone.

OP posts:

Original poster

cantdecide1 · 23/01/2019 13:25

spouses being unhappy is why we agreed to stop when we did.

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2019 13:31

Focus on whether you want to be with DH OP. You can leave if you're not happy.

Sarahjconnor · 23/01/2019 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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