Can a 12 year old be gay?

[Onwardsandupdwards]

My DS turned 12 last week & told me the day before his birthday that he “likes boys”.

I was supportive & said that I was pleased that he felt he could tell me.

I did assume it might just be a phase - I’m not bothered either way but just think it’s very early to “come out”.

Since then, I’ve found out he’s told a number of friends at school so he’s obviously quite confident in his feelings?

Just wondered whether people think 12 year olds really know yet?

Yes... I mean I fancied boys from the age of 3! No one told me that was a phase.

Yes I expect they can be.

It’s great that he feels like he can tell you.

Absolutely

Most gay men I know have always known they were gay. They are born not created.

Of course.

What a great relationship you have op for him to come to you.

I'd imagine so. I remember fancying boys at 7 or so and definitely by 12 (plus having crushes on film stars etc)

Did you know at that age whether you fancied girls or boys?

Absolutely yep.

i think alot will know, sometimes you can see it yourself with someone, just the way they are and others not so much.

If this was my child, i wouldn't want to be labelling him as either gay, straight, bi or whatever until they had truley found who they are. I would be non discriptive with peoples sex when asking if/who they are close to rather than saying "do you have a boyfriend?" i would rather say "is there someone you're interrested in?" IYSWIM

Things could change, feelings change, people come in and out of their lives who make an impact.

I'm of the thinnking that we all have the capacity of loving and being attracted to the same sex, for me its the person, their being, their soul that makes us close to one another and this can also spill into sexual feelings, but it could just be that one person of the same sex that does it for you and once they're no longer in your life, you could find yourself with the opposite sex

Not too sure if that all makes sense

@newyearnewme2019 my friend has only had one lesbian relationship. She has never before nor since been interested in anyone other than men but she said she fell in love with the person and she happened to be a woman.

@musti i beileve most of us have this capacity and will hear about it more and more, mainly due to how we now meet with people - on line dating, talking sites etc... initially we are drawn by a picture but its the words that come from that person via texting/emailing etc that keeps people interrested.

You only have to watch "Catfish" on MTV (i know, i know!!! but i love it) and see how many relationships there are where they haven't spoken or seen eachother but have a deep sense of connection with them only to find out they are the oppsite sex and go on to have relationships with them

Aaawww bless your DS. X

He said that there wasn’t anyone specific that he liked, he just liked boys.

I know I fancied boys at his age so I get it but I didn’t know whether it was too early for him to be thinking sexually but perhaps he isn’t?

I told him he had two understanding & supportive parents & he said that’s all he could wish for.

I just want him to be happy but do worry that he might be opening himself up to bullying by being so open at this early stage.

Yes certainly! But it also might be a bit of a phase... you never know, I think sexuality is not that clear cut sometimes. I fancied girls when I was that age but it really shifted as I got older. I did have one girlfriend in my late teens but have no interest in women as an adult.
I also have a Male friend who had a boyfriend in his teens but ended up with women in his adult life.

Certainly at 12 you feel attraction to people because you are hitting puberty, but I think sometimes that attraction is not the same as you feel as an adult.
You sound wonderfully supportive of him and that's the main thing. I wouldn't worry too much about being bullied. There are always some nasty people out there who will bully based on anything.. but I think now days at school kids are much more aware and accepting of LGBT friends.

i think it all depends on his school, how they tolerate bullying etc..

At my DD school, they came down hard and fast on any bullying/nastiness and i think becuase of this all the kids just mingled together. I know from her that as far back as yr7 there were gay kids, bi kids, kids going down the trans gender route, openly very camp boys and very quiet shy ones, what i'm trying to say, for them it was excepted. I'm sure there were remarks said but as a whole, it was just part of life and who that person was.

As long as he has a good group of friends and continues to be a lovely likeable lad and comes to you with ANY issues, i'm sure he will be fine.

He might get bullied for being gay, he might not. He might get bullied for something else entirely, or he might not. Either way, the best thing to do for you is to be a loving, supportive parent who he feels he can confide in. Which it sounds like you're already doing a pretty good job at :)

He may change, he may not. But if he told you he liked girls, would you say "well, it might just be a phase. So keep it to yourself, in case you decide that actually, you're gay in a few years"?

When did you know you were straight op?

12 is a confusing age and he might know or he may change his mind. Don't take it as set.

I have a gay friend and he said he was certain of his orientation by the end of primary school but I come from the country where you are 14 when you finish primary school so a bit older.

My little 10 year old step sister once called me up sobbing that she'd confessed something to her friends and they'd all laughed at her. Turns out years later than she'd told them she liked girls. She's absolutely a lesbian, and knew it from that young age (She's mid 20s now). She just wanted someone there for her.

I knew I liked boys in primary school as I fancied a boy in my class. (thought I loved him at the age 😂) So I would imagine yes a secondary school child would know.

I get what you mean. He’s only a child and it’s jarring to see a child making big statements about sexuality, before he gets a chance to actually have some romantic experience.

The internet has a lot to answer for.

So I guess the answer is, he might grow up to be gay, but he might not.

I remember being about 7 or so and having a major crush on Jonathan Hart from "Hart to Hart". I used to fantasize that his wife and dog (sorry, I didn't like dogs!) would be killed in a car accident and me and him would marry and solve crime together! So I guess I knew from a young age I liked boys. So yes at 12 he probably does know. But either way he will be fine because he has supportive parents

Of course! I knew I was bisexual when I had a huge crush on my 5th grade teacher. I was about 8. I wanted my dad to divorce my mom and for her to move in to my room. I thought this would work because they were both from the same State, so they would have lot in common. . LOL!

Yup