Can a 12 year old be gay?

[Onwardsandupdwards]

My DS turned 12 last week & told me the day before his birthday that he “likes boys”.

I was supportive & said that I was pleased that he felt he could tell me.

I did assume it might just be a phase - I’m not bothered either way but just think it’s very early to “come out”.

Since then, I’ve found out he’s told a number of friends at school so he’s obviously quite confident in his feelings?

Just wondered whether people think 12 year olds really know yet?

I’m bi and I absolutely had crushes on girls around that age.

There is a chance he’ll be bullied but I think the best response is to cross that bridge if and when you come to it and to let him know you’ll always be there for him no matter what, not to ask him to hide it.

I think so. One of my kids has been really obvious when she likes someone for a few years now and she's about to turn 12 (gets her subtly from me, it seems).

Liking someone doesn't mean thinking sexually. I had crushes at 5-6, I wasn't thinking sexually. I wanted to be close and 'special' to them. My crushes didn't really turn sexual until I was 15 or so.

My 12 year old dd told me the other day that some girls in her year are going out with each other. Just factual, shoulder shrugging, no drama or gossip. It’s a girls state school and none of them batting an eyelid. So wouldn’t necessarily worry about bullying.

Just take it easy, wait and see. They aren't getting married yet.
Good to know they trust you and can be open.

I don’t remember thinking about being gay or straight but that probably was down to being down to the times and being straight. One of the ‘perks’of being straight for me is never having to ‘come out’ because society sees being straight as the default.

If your son said he liked girls it’s unlikely you would question it or think it was a phase, so just respond in the same way.

Yes. Some of my gay friends said they knew from age 5.

My DD is 7 and has been telling me she wants to marry a girl from about age 4. I take it with a pinch of salt but at the same time we chat about it in a very matter of fact way and I don't close her down.

Parents don’t suggest it’s “too soon” or “a phase” when their DC are attracted to the opposite sex.

They can be, or bi, or a passing phase. Support him, the love you whatever speech - but also remind him that many young people do have complex feelings about boys and girls during their teen years.

Lots of my DD's friends now say that they are pan sexual, seems to be quite trendy - but longer term I suspect that they will be straight, it's just today's young people are constrained by labels

Every gay male friend I've ever known has told me they knew from primary school age.