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Original poster

Liking another girl

43 replies

LuLu123456 · 22/01/2019 10:51

I've been with my partner 8 years and we have 2 kids. Around a year ago I noticed he had "liked" a picture on Facebook of a girl who we used to work with posing. I was annoyed at this and told him I found it disrespectful. He said he didn't mean it in that way and wouldn't do it again. A couple of months later I found out he was liking her pictures on Instagram (which I don't use) I straight away thought this was so I wouldn't be able to see and we had another row and he again convinced me it wasn't in that away. A few more months later I went on Instagram and found he had "liked" all of her pictures and she had sent him a 😍 emoji. I don't think anything has actually happened but told him I was really upset and about it and for him to then continue to do it after her sending that again I found it disrespectful. He again promised it wasn't anything and said he would block her off it. Its been 6 months since the last incident and I have just found that he has liked another picture of her but on his work Instagram account. I really don't know what to make if it all. I'm not normally an insecure or jealous person and I understand men like other women but this isn't some model this is a person in real life who we both used to work with. And any other normal person wouldn't keep going back to her. He's spent a few nights at his mums and she's tried to reassure me that he's said he loves me and he isn't doing it in that way but then why can't he stop? He stayed at home last night as I've been ill but think I'm going to ask him to go back his mums tonight. I really love him and I don't even look at anyone like that let alone make them aware by liking their pictures. Has anyone else been through something similar or have any advice?

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 22/01/2019 10:56

I'm not normally an insecure or jealous person

Are you sure? Because if that's true you've went from zero to hero in the insecure jealous partner stakes in a heartbeat,

Seriously. Cmon. Now, it's liking pictures on social media. Does he like other people's, I'd be fuming it my partner told me whose photos I could and couldn't like.

onlyminematters · 22/01/2019 11:03

I like some of my male friends pictures on Instagram and fb and there's nothing in it except liking a photo. I think your majorly overreacting unless there is more to the story?

AllStar14 · 22/01/2019 11:04

The first 'like' shouldn't have been an issue at all. You are very insecure if you felt that was 'disrespectful' and extremely controlling.

BlueUggs · 22/01/2019 11:04

Get a grip!!!!

WrapAndRoll · 22/01/2019 11:04

Whether or not the likes "mean anything", it is a problem that he hasn't stopped doing this when he said he would. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

CandleConcerto · 22/01/2019 11:07

The problem is going behind your back to like her pictures. It’s okay that he liked it originally but why is it worth so much that he has to do it in private? It’s a bloody like!

Racecardriver · 22/01/2019 11:08

Maybe he’s just a bit sick of your controlling behaviour?

SkinnyPete · 22/01/2019 11:10

He should have probably just told you no, and he'll like what he wants.

StarlightLady · 22/01/2019 11:13

I assume this woman had her clothes on in the pictures?

What is the problem here?

Lizzie48 · 22/01/2019 11:23

This wouldn't bother me at all, as I know that I can trust my DH. He likes all sorts of posts on Facebook, from male and female friends, and I don't think anything of it.

It would only be an issue if there was a history between them, but you haven't said this is the case?

Fashionista101 · 22/01/2019 11:29

I was thinking there must be more to this? Is there any history there? Because likes on Instagram wouldn't have me worried to the point of throwing him out.

Loulzze · 22/01/2019 11:39

The first like was okay for him to do and an overreaction from you, but if you then told him you don't like it and he continued to do it behind your back, then THAT'S overstepping the line and it's fair to be pissed off.

Suicidal media causes so much shit, it'd invite him round sit down and calmly talk about it. Apologise for overreacting but explain your feelings behind why you felt like that and let him explain how he feels. Get on the same page, then move on

Loulzze · 22/01/2019 11:40

Er *social..

Bluntness100 · 22/01/2019 11:51

He should have probably just told you no, and he'll like what he wants

This. I wonder why he didn't just tell you to do one in the first place. I'm ago because you've chucked him out and his mum is involved, and everyone is trying to tell you it's just likes on social media.

Is there a back story that's caused your jealousy to spiral like this? Is there someone about this particular woman, because it doesn't seem there is more to it with him? To be annoyed and feel disrespected after just one like is a whole new low in the jealousy stakes.

DontCallMeDaisy · 22/01/2019 11:59

I think some people deliverately miss the point just to give somebody a hard time. Yes in the beginning, you did overreact, but it is very strange he has gone to such great lengths to keep following her.

Even if you were being a bit weird about her at first, a loving partner with nothing to hide would be like 'ok ok, I'll stop liking her pictures' and just stop it. How hard is it really? There wouldn't even be anyway of you knowing if he still likes them in his head when he scrolled past them. He just didn't have to press the button.

So for him to keep re-following her from different accounts makes it seems like he is trying to get her attention. If that is, they're not already in contact.

As Loulzze said, just talk about it without getting wound up. Explain that in the beginning, you might have overreacted but his ongoing actions have contributed to this.

I don't think I would break up over this but in your position now, I would want assurances there is no communications between them on private messaging etc and to hear why he felt he had to go to such great lengths to keep 'liking' her photos.

I get OP that somebody can most of the time be rational and sane but sometimes a little thing can trigger your spidey senses and really get in your head. I think most partners would understand that.

If your partner is suddenly liking pictures of a girl posing, it's clear he's attracted to her. That's never going to feel great no matter how cool people say you should be about it.

Bluntness100 · 22/01/2019 12:01

If your partner is suddenly liking pictures of a girl posing, it's clear he's attracted to her

Do you see puppies and kick them. I mean seriously, what a thing to say, are you purposefully trying to make her feel shit, or does it just a bonus for you?

He might like loads of pics. He could be liking guy pics as well. You've no bloody idea how many pics of how many different people he likes, and if this is just one of a crowd.

DontCallMeDaisy · 22/01/2019 12:06

Oh and yours was intended to make her feel great?

Yes you're right clearly, it's my post on this thread that is the one designed to make her feel shit. I do kick puppies. And babies.

MMmomDD · 22/01/2019 12:14

After 8 years and with 2 kids you are kicking a for over social media picture liking.
How old are you?
And what is really going on, because clearly something else is driving it.

If you think you aren’t normally jealous and controlling - you need to think again.
Your partner, most probably, was just trying to avoid confrontation by not calling a spade a spade.

If you break up your family over this - just think about one day explaining it to your kids... ‘Daddy liked pictures on internet, I asked him to leave’

There are many reasons why one shouldn’t stay in a relationship.
This isn’t one of them.
Surely?

Sethis · 22/01/2019 12:15

Jesus wept.

Liking pictures on facebook is meaningless. Completely meaningless. The fact that you felt the need to jump down his throat about it in the first instance is a huge red flag about you and your relationship with him.

Everything after that is probably him enjoying a bit of secret rebellion, because if you're this controlling of his social media I can only imagine what the rest of your life together looks like.

Whoever this woman is, you're making her look more attractive to your partner by the day, and driving him away.

Stop kicking him out of the bloody house based on a couple of likes and apologise for over-reacting in the first place. You either trust him or you don't. Pick one. You're not going to punish him into loyalty - that's not how it works.

Bluntness100 · 22/01/2019 12:22

Oh and yours was intended to make her feel great

Well, at least mine, and everyone else's, didn't see an insecure jealous person and type yes yes you're right, he fancies her.

That's just low. And not just because you don't know.

Myheartbelongsto · 22/01/2019 13:59

You sound insane.

Isth · 22/01/2019 14:04

To be honest, while on the face of it you overreacted on the first instance, sometimes you do just get a ‘feeling’ about something, and I’d argue you were probably right. He is going to great lengths to continue to like her pictures considering it’s not mandatory to press the actual like button iyswim? despite telling you he would stop (possibly an unreasonable request on your part but nonetheless, he agreed to it) . What is disrespectful is promising your partner that you won’t do something and continuing to do it.

MumsyJ · 22/01/2019 14:12

There's absolutely nothing wrong in liking people's photos. You've been with him long enough to trust him and let things as liking photos less of a worry OP.
Is this lady in question single hence the fuss? Personally, I'd just let it slide.

Mrsmummy90 · 22/01/2019 14:21

I don't understand why the majority of posters are being so bitchy. If they asked their partners to stop yet they continued to do so, I can bet they'd be on here bitching about it.

The like isn't the actual problem, it's the fact that he continues to do so when you've told him it bothers you. He's using multiples accounts to do this so you can't see and that's weird af. He doesn't need to like them so why is he putting so much effort into it?

showmeshoyu · 22/01/2019 14:24

He doesn't need to like them so why is he putting so much effort into it?

He doesn't need social media, or any media, or friends, or to go out in public where his eyes could see somebody else. This is so controlling, anybody who told me I couldn't like a photo on Facebook or Instagram would be at the kerb so quickly, people would think it was bin day.

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