Liking another girl

[LuLu123456]

I've been with my partner 8 years and we have 2 kids. Around a year ago I noticed he had "liked" a picture on Facebook of a girl who we used to work with posing. I was annoyed at this and told him I found it disrespectful. He said he didn't mean it in that way and wouldn't do it again. A couple of months later I found out he was liking her pictures on Instagram (which I don't use) I straight away thought this was so I wouldn't be able to see and we had another row and he again convinced me it wasn't in that away. A few more months later I went on Instagram and found he had "liked" all of her pictures and she had sent him a 😍 emoji. I don't think anything has actually happened but told him I was really upset and about it and for him to then continue to do it after her sending that again I found it disrespectful. He again promised it wasn't anything and said he would block her off it. Its been 6 months since the last incident and I have just found that he has liked another picture of her but on his work Instagram account. I really don't know what to make if it all. I'm not normally an insecure or jealous person and I understand men like other women but this isn't some model this is a person in real life who we both used to work with. And any other normal person wouldn't keep going back to her. He's spent a few nights at his mums and she's tried to reassure me that he's said he loves me and he isn't doing it in that way but then why can't he stop? He stayed at home last night as I've been ill but think I'm going to ask him to go back his mums tonight. I really love him and I don't even look at anyone like that let alone make them aware by liking their pictures. Has anyone else been through something similar or have any advice?

Jesus wept.

I like loads of photos on Facebook and Insta. I would have told you to get a grip.

Did he cheat with this woman?

You definitely are insecure

You over reacted the first time.
But what's really odd is that he's gone on, to do it again and again and again. Finally from a work Instagram account. Now that's odd.

I think everyone should give op a break here. She can't help it if somethings upset her.

If my dh 'liked' a picture of another woman I'd probably question it too. Especially if it was out of character. If he did it all the time if all different women then that's one thing. But all of a sudden he starts liking pictures of the same woman continually then alarm bells would be ringing in my head even if it was completely innocent.

Op is definitely getting a hard time here, I would like to see if these people telling you that you're nuts would be so accepting if there husband continued to do something that you have told him upsets u..
And as for the 😍 face, I think I would wonder if they were messaging privately

There is a diff to me between liking someone's photos of days out/hols/etc compared to nice posing pictures, dressed up etc - obviously I don't know what these photos are but would be a clear difference to me.

If my DP was liking every photo of a girl he didn't know well, it would be incredibly obvious that he fancied her. I don't blame you OP, I would be incredibly pissed off. Your instinct is right.

Also, she sent him a heart eyes emoji in response? I would never do that to another man...

I disagree that liking photos on social media is meaningless.. Especially when you've expressed that him liking this particular females photos bothers you.

In my opinion, he is intentionally finding more ways to get around you hassling him.. Using Facebook, moving to Insta then onto his work Insta. He's moving from account to account because he is knowingly and willingly doing something he knows is not acceptable to you in the relationship.

Whether or not the initial issue was an over reaction is neither here nor there now.. It's the fact that he is continuing to do something that upsets you. I totally understand why it does.. My exF done this with one girl in particular. A couple of months later we had split and he had moved her into what was our home.. I don't think you're overreacting.

I had similar with my ex. He started using Instagram all of a sudden when he'd never bothered before, turned out the woman he'd started following was some girl he'd met on Plenty of Fish years before. I asked who she was and he lied to me that they went to school together (she was 6yrs younger so no way this was true). Turned out they'd been calling each other late at night and video calling too. He was adamant it was innocent and as it was early in our relationship I forgave him as long as he deleted her.
Then I noticed he was liking another woman's pics on insta too. He'd been sending her private messages about how lovely she is etc etc.

When I asked him about it he got very aggressive and said I was controlling. I know you've had a few replies on here calling you controlling too but I don't think it's reasonable behaviour from a partner if they are doing something like this. It tends to be a first step to other things, such as the calls my ex was making to that girl and the texts to another ex telling her he will love her forever and never get over her .
I think it causes a breach in trust which can be very hard to re-establish. I still love my ex but he can't be trusted, simple as that. He used to complain about the 'digs' I made about his behaviour without really understanding that he caused the initial problem.

The question is why? What’s the motivation? I can’t come up with an answer that isn’t pervy. We’re talking lots of photos behind your back. And she’s acknowledge it too, which at best, makes you look really foolish to a mutual acquaintance. Cheers for that DH.

I don't think that social media likes are meaningless. Sometimes they're friendly, sometimes they're supportive, sometimes they're a form of flirting. I'm not jealous and insecure but if my OH were liking everything a certain woman posted, I'd question it. I'd accept that it could be innocent, but I would not assume anything.

In this case, the ongoing secrecy is worrying. He's either being defiant or he's expressing an interest in the woman.

So many harsh comments, I would totally understand where you are coming from OP.
Fair enough maybe liking one photo and you calling him out on it because it makes you uneasy (depends on the photo but if my bf was liking a pic of a girl doing some skanky pose or in a bikini I wouldn't be too pleased.) But like others say he is sneaking around to make sure he continues to like her posts. As for her heart eye emoji - you don't do that without some kind of chat/relationship going on between them - I don't mean cheating, but I mean they clearly keep in touch to some extent.

It's so inappropriate and disrespectful to you and I'm certain that if he caught you doing the same when he had told you it bothered him he'd be as upset as you are.

Personally I'd have wanted to check his DM's on instagram but I reckon he will have covered his tracks now.

As for those who say it's harmless - I am single and on Instagram and the amount of guys (married or taken) who like all my photos and even send me private DM's in the hope I might be open to something with them is disgusting. If she knows he is married I don't get why she would respond with that emoji.

Your partner has been chasing this woman all over the place for a year. She is his secret and has responded with hearts. He certainly does “mean it that way.”

He purposely makes empty promises to get you to back off, then goes on his merry way to secretly chase her again. He has been lying and abusing your trust the entire time.

Don’t be fooled. There is more to this.

The like isn't the actual problem, it's the fact that he continues to do so when you've told him it bothers you

I think the issue is it bothers her in thr first place. He should never have said he will stop. It was totally controlling and insanely jealous for her to ever ask.

Your partner has been chasing this woman all over the place for a year

And that is just nasty, I can only assume some people just rub their hands in glee at the thought of not just confirming her worst fears, but over egging it to make it as hurtful as possible for her,

He fancies her

I do feel for you a bit.

I’ve never had an issue with my OH with this but when I see on the heart page on insta that certain boys are always ‘liking’ pictures of girls in skimpy clothes or underwear and those boys have partners I think YAK. It comes across to me as disrespectful. Because you can scroll on by and look at a picture and think I WOULD. but clicking on the like to me is to tell that person you like it. As a one off fine, but when I see it from people on social media all the time I think poor gf or wife.
Everyone has a different idea of what respect is and I don’t think it’s that bad of you to say to your partner that you don’t like them doing something and I do think it says something about them when they continue to do it.

I’m not sure kicking him out is the answer. But then maybe it’s just not working? as it seems you’re a little anxious in this respect and he doesn’t care too much about upsetting you!

Yeah op. Fuck all the cool gf and men here telling you you are being controlling🙄.
Anyone with half a brain can see he clearly fancies her and is blatantly letting her know this. You have every right to perceive this as a breach of trust at best and emotional cheating at worst.

Liking photos on social media should be innocent, but in this day and age it has an underlying meaning -fancying each other- and everyone knows it. If u see someone who's in a relationship liking a single persons photo of them eyebrows are raised and it's seen as being disrespectful.

I don't think u should throw away ur relationship based on this, but the fact u did express ur concerns and he said he would stop yet he has been doing it from a different account is questionable.

How are you, LuLu?