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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lack of sex and intimacy in a relationship

37 replies

Nene05 · 21/01/2019 23:58

Is it ever ok to seek out another person if your boyfriend or husband doesn't show you any affection or says they are tired and unwilling to engage in ANY intimacy?
What would you do in this situation? ?

OP posts:
Surfingtheweb · 22/01/2019 00:00

Cheating won't help, you'll just have horrendous guilt to live with. If you can't fix the lack of intimacy & it's bad enough you want to cheat then it's time to end the relationship.

Jsku · 22/01/2019 00:20

This is MN - you must have not been around long enough...
Or you want to stir a little?

If you can leave - leave...
If you can’t - and have financial and other ties that prevent you leaving - than world isn’t black and white, i’d say.

No one can tell you what’s Ok and what’s not. It’s sometjng every individual decides for themselves.

category12 · 22/01/2019 06:22

Are you happy to deal with the fallout of being caught?

If there are reasons you feel you can't leave the relationship now, what are they?

bsc · 22/01/2019 09:48

Of course it isn't. Leave.

Original poster
Nene05 · 22/01/2019 10:41

We are married and looking to start a family but my husband won't have sex with me his excuses are he's tired after work and also when he drinks a can of beer makes him sleepy and lack of energy.
Does he need energy supplement tablets, do I just need to leave and move on or be more patient?
It's been like this around 7 months. It's getting me down and frustrated.
He makes promises to change but does nothing when thinks everything has settled.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nene05 · 22/01/2019 10:45

I'm happy with everything else in the relationship just unhappy no affection, no cuddles, Kisses, no sex at all Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Nene05 · 22/01/2019 10:47

We got married earlier this year and really want the family unit to work.

OP posts:
category12 · 22/01/2019 10:49

Maybe he doesn't want to start a family and that's why he's off sex.

Seriously, you're thinking of shagging around at the same time you're thinking you want to start a family? Wtf? Hmm

If you're for real, you need to give your head a wobble. Your sexlife will only get worse when you have dc, and you'll also then be tied to a man you're wanting to cheat on.

Wallywobbles · 22/01/2019 10:53

Time for him to sort it out. GP appointment. If he's not prepared to do that you've got your answer. Time to move on before it gets worse and more complicated.

Unlike many others my sex drive went through the roof with my first pregnancy.

Ringdonna · 22/01/2019 10:53

I don’t think it is so black and white. If you have done the talking and tried everything to improve it and nothing works then, yes I believe an affair would be justified. Personally, I would not stay in a relationship lacking intimacy and sex.

Racecardriver · 22/01/2019 10:55

If you don’t have children yet I would abandon ship.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/01/2019 11:03

We got married earlier this year and really want the family unit to work.

What family unit if you're not yet TTC? And why on earth did you marry him?!

Walk away. You're planning to break your vows within less than a year of making them. Ridiculous situation.

category12 · 22/01/2019 11:09

It is black and white when it's just the couple, no dc involved. You don't cheat. You do the right thing: you go to counselling/doctor etc to see if it can be changed if you're both willing to try. If not, you split up or agree an open relationship.

You don't aim for a spot on the Jeremy Kyle show by shagging around while planning a family. Hmm

Original poster
Nene05 · 22/01/2019 13:28

Before we got married things were fine- he became less effort after we married.
He likes food I cook the way I treat him but denies me sex- and gets defensive if I say I'm going out to cool off.

OP posts:
wildsoulat2 · 22/01/2019 13:49

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bsc · 22/01/2019 14:02

So wildsoul are you happy for your wife to be impregnated by another man in this open relationship, and raise their child as your own?

wildsoulat2 · 22/01/2019 14:09

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Original poster
Nene05 · 22/01/2019 16:31

He just texted me this
I feel empty. And scared.

Feel like I’m loosing u.
Just ignoring him healthier on my mind.

OP posts:
Jens303 · 22/01/2019 16:37

is this not just normal been together a while stuff?

Original poster
Nene05 · 22/01/2019 16:53

We only married this year.
Got to know each other briefly -he is from abroad took ages for his visa to come through.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nene05 · 22/01/2019 18:00

I would not get caught.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/01/2019 19:32

Okay fine, go for it, go fuck a stranger behind your new husband’s back, it’s a bloody brilliant idea. Maybe get yourself pregnant by them.

MitziK · 22/01/2019 19:34

Did he marry you for the visa?

I'd leave.

Closetbeanmuncher · 22/01/2019 20:10

If you think you're too smart to get caught you almost certainly will.

Arrogant as well as disloyal huh?Confused

Original poster
Nene05 · 22/01/2019 20:16

I wouldn't sleep out - he's at work all day so wouldn't find out.
Not that I want to do this but feel not moving forward.

OP posts:
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