Probably relevant that we've both been married before and I have a DD with ex who DP gets along great with.
Been together 5 years, lived together for 3. We've spoken about marriage a lot. Especially since some very close friends got engaged last year. We talk about it as though it's a given and will happen. When people ask, we always say yeah we will when we've bought a house etc.
Ive never been bothered about big flashy rings and a big proposal or anything like that.
Last six months have been tough. Work, money and I've had a health issue. I've hust been diagnosed with ADHD - my feelings of self worth are a bit on the floor. I think he wanted to do something really special this Christmas.
Even though we'd said not to go mad spending on presents, he proposed. He gave me a dummy ring and said we had an appt with a jeweller to get what I wanted. He said it'd take a couple of weeks to get a ring.
When I asked about how we could afford it, he said he'd sorted most of it earlier in the year. He'd planned to propose but when our very close friends made their announcement, he decided to wait a few months.
He'd made a big deal of going to see my parents. Had told my sister, my daughter. The appt with the jeweller was first week in the New Year apparently.
First week in New Year comes round, appt got postponed as he'd forgotten to confirm it. I was a little bit upset that week as I'd realised he hadn't told any of his friends or extended family about our happy news and then he'd forgotten the appt.
Second appt in the second week of Jan came round and he couldnt make that either. They'd offered him the Tuesday, which I'd cleared time for, but on the Monday night he said he couldnt get out of work afterall and in any case, he hadnt confirmed it again.
At that point i just think it feels a bit ridiculous. I didnt feel it was something I should be nagging him about so i said I'll just leave him to it.
Today, nearly two weeks later, our 'engagement' comes up in conversation and I ask him if he's contacted them. He says 'no i havent'. With no follow up of 'but I will etc'. So I point out that i dont really understand why he proposed.
We knew we'd get married one day anyway. Getting engaged hasnt changed the fact we cant do it for a couple of years. I wasnt pressuring him. Why just half do it?
Now all of my family keep asking where my ring is, word is spreading so I see people and they shout congratulations and check out my hand and I tell them about going to a jeweller etc.
Except I'm not going to a jeweller am I? Because he hasn't arranged anything and Ijust feel a bit silly.
He thinks Im being ridiculous and says its hard to get availability etc and he didnt know how he could get to an appointment in the near future.
Ive told him I think he's got an issue with being engaged as I cant think of any other reason. He thinks im acting a bit spoilt 'demanding' a ring. I didnt want an expensive one, not even a diamond one, I wanted to do something unique with our birthstones.
Ive juat said fine leave it, I dont need a ring, but we're not engaged.
AIBU or is he? Or both?