Don't push my boundaries?

[OdeToDiazepam]

Fed up of this. THIS is one of many reasons I hate dating! Hate it! Done with it

It’s not being high maintenance at all. It’s called hypervigilance. Google it. It’s a thing and it’s central to PTSD.

You aren’t being assertive or asserting boundaries. You might think you are, but assertive isn’t monosyllabic text messages with laughing emojis and “lol”. Assertive would be “sorry, but we don’t really know each other so I don’t think it’s appropriate we make Valentine’s plans until we’ve had a few dates and things are going somewhere.” Or, in your case, “I don’t think we’re compatible or want the same things so I think it’s best we just leave it here.” Unless there’s an enormous backstory and you’ve had this conversation dozens of times before, all he’s doing is trying to make plans and misinterpreting your frankly hard to intuit messages.

Exactly what Comtesse said.

Tbh if I was him I wouldn't wait 2 months to go on a date. I'm not saying you should do something you don't want to do but if a bloke said this to me no way would I be investing in someone, talking, trying to build a rapport for 2 months with someone who doesn't sound v open to progressing things.
I get you want to take it slow but I don't agree that months in between date 1 and 2 is viable to a successful dating experience.
If you aren't ready you aren't ready. That looks to be the case and that's fine but not being ready means just that so not dating.
I don't think it's fair to expect someone to wait around.
The thing is about boundaries you need to set them and be clear about them. You don't like Valentine's day, that's fine but your messages seem to go from bordering on rude (don't confuse this with assertiveness) to jokey. That's not clear.
I think you just need to take some time out to deal with your mental health. To get to a place where you're happy in your own skin and to just get your life where you want it then if you want to, then start dating. Dating should be fun, not used as a way to 'practise' self improvement techniques. Know your boundaries. Set them firmly be prepared to put in some effort and then take it from there.

We dated a while back and it didn't end well. We got back talking again more recently and it came up about meeting for a drink because I'm moving back, that's what has set this off

I don't mean to be rude to him but I'll and it's certainly not some kind of experiment, I haven't asked for this!

Yes re hyper vigilance, I thought I'd recovered from pretty much all ptsd symptoms but I see how this could be happening

I guess I should reply and say that it's not going to work between us

And say it isn’t his fault, you’re just not ready. He honestly hasn’t done anything wrong.

'It didn't end well' - do you think it's the right thing for you to start something with him again?

Ive just told him it's not his fault but it's not going to work between us

And I am not getting involved with any man for a long time

Good for you OP. It won’t always be this way x x

Agree with coastallife

It's not clear you mean it and fwiw I don't think he's done anything wrong at all - he's trying to be nice and arrange a date.

You are being unfair and not clear with him. And you sound massively arsey. Just let him off the hook and tell him you can't date him . He's trying And clearly rubbing you up the wrong way. He obviously hadn't got a clue that he's doing that.

X post! Sorry!

Think you've done right thing op

Err I'm going to go against the grain here and say this man sounds awful from those texts.

"Don't be selfish haha"?

No.

It is blatant boundary pushing x

You’re bloody rude on these texts, I wouldn’t address a friend like that never mind a potential boyfriend. You dislike valentines, that’s fine but you should brush up on your people skills before going on anymore dates.

I wouldn't wait two months for a date either - he just wants to see you! If I was talking to someone (with the view of dating them) and they said they didn't want to meet for a couple of months, I'd be saying "thanks, but no thanks".

You honestly can't expect someone you're interested in to go that long without even going out for a drink or a coffee?