Don't push my boundaries?

[OdeToDiazepam]

Fed up of this. THIS is one of many reasons I hate dating! Hate it! Done with it

He's just trying to organise a nice date with you. It's not really clear from your messages that your disdain for valentine's day is genuine. To me it reads like you're mucking around with the 😂 faces, sarcasm and "lol". I think he just thinks you're joking with him.

Doesn't really seem like you're that into him, OP.

If it keeps happening, then look at the common denominator- you...

No one said you should make yourself do anything for Valentine's. Lots of women would like a man to sort Valentine's and also to be pursued. You aren't one of them, fair enough. Just tell him. Don't stress about boundaries, he's just into you. If he carries on after you tell him you aren't interested, maybe then you could repost.

Yep. It's me. I said in the op I Am Done. I'm over relationships i can not be doing with any of it anymore.

I'm practicing being assertive and I will be assertive because so many people keep trying to push things on me. I say to them I don't want to get into a relationship and they push it on me. I say I don't like it and they keep on pushing the issue

Nothing inherently wrong in his texts. They sound jokey to me and like he just wants to meet up. Obviously if you’ve had boundary issues it might be pushing your buttons. Reading between the lines though I think you shouldn’t do it because you don’t actually like him, not because he is trampling over your boundaries/being a pushy bastard/showing red flags or whatever other narrative you’re ascribing to these texts.

So do you want to go out with him or not?

Sweetheart, this isn’t being assertive, it’s cutting off your nose! No one is going to know what your red lines are unless you let them in. I hear you re PTSD. Have you looked up Demand Avoidance? It might resonate. I hope you’re ok, dating is meant to be a laugh, not something that churns your guts. Look after yourself x

Why not just suggest doing something on a different date instead? Seems like the obvious compromise.

I totally get your point. If I told someone I hated something and they completely ignored me and decided we were going to do the the thing I'd drop them like a hot brick.

I was interested in meeting up for a relaxed drink and chat in a couple of months to see if there was anything there or we could be friends.. this has stemmed from that because he's now pushing himself onto me

I may try dating again in about 10 years because so far it's been anything but fun

Exactly hedgehog

Corkleg I don't have autism though

You don’t have to be autistic to be demand avoidant.

Well you can’t expect him to wait for two months for a chat and a drink. I think you need to be clear if you're interested or not and it sounds like you’re not,

I guess the other POV is why wait a few months? If you have things in common and are both single then waiting doesn’t make sense to him, because he doesn’t know that you’re so “gun-shy” as it were.

I don’t think you should be dating. You’re not ready. No judgment. Neither am I after a horrific eight year marriage and a car crash attempt to have a relationship a couple of years after. I’m not ready, maybe never will be and that’s completely fine.

You don’t sound much fun. And what if HE likes that sort of thing?

Wtf? Are you really saying that women have to do things they don't like to be 'fun' for random blokes? Um no.

I do agree, OP, that your response comes across as jokey rather than serious. So if you were interested in him make it clear you are seriously saying no, and if he mentions it again then break contact. If you don't give a damn anyway then just move on.

Online dating is a numbers game. You have to seive through a lot of arses to find the odd decent person.

Sorry it's because that's when I'm moving back to the area where he lives

Carol yes that's how I feel

Moaningsickness I have no idea how you can intuit this “Wtf? Are you really saying that women have to do things they don't like to be 'fun' for random blokes? Um no.”

Her reply is jokey, it isn’t a “look, I don’t go in for Valentine’s Day, it’s not my thing, but how about we xyz?” But he has as much right to suggest and/or enjoy Valentine’s Day just as much as he’s entitled to take his coffee how he likes it to. The preference isn’t indicative of someone crossing boundaries, but the OP comes off as feeling intimidated just because he’s expressing a different (and frankly traditional) preference.

Well he suggests it's because I haven't done it with him yet which I think is patronising. I'm an adult, I know what I do and don't like I don't expect to have to express that more than once.

Then the comment about being selfish, yes I do think that's not on

I think you need to de-stress somewhat.
You sound extremely high maintenance to me.

Maybe I am! Like I said I can't cope with it any more. The expectation, the scrutiny, the criticism, the obligation I hate it all

he has as much right to suggest and/or enjoy Valentine’s Day

Well of course he does. But he has no right to do so with the OP, who has told him she's not interested.

She doesn't have to suggest something else, 'no' is fine and should be enough.

The preference isn’t indicative of someone crossing boundaries

The OP isn't annoyed he asked, shes annoyed that after she said no he continued asking, and then she said no again twice, and he was still not dropping it.. that is ignoring her boundary.