My H is never nice to be and I hate him for it

[hippoherostandinghere]

I'm at the end of my tether. I just can't put up with him any more. We argue constantly. He never has anything nice to say. He pulls me up on everything I say and disagrees or argues back. Earlier today he said I was an embarrassment. I started a new job 4 months ago and on the 1st day he said 'well how was it?' And except for that he hasn't mentioned it once. Not one question of how I'm getting on or settling in. Please tell me this isn't normal. He's lazy, rude, argumentative and I can't cope.

Dc are 9 and 7 and they pick up on it. They're not rude kids but I can see them starting to copy him. No one gives me any respect. I'm just so sad.

Not normal and not right that you should feel this way. Your DH should also be your best friend. Tell him how you feel.

What keeps you in the marriage?

I'm sorry you're living with that. It doesn't sound like a loving relationship at all. Have you ever heard of emotional abuse? That to my mind is what he is doing.

What would happen if you told him how you feel? Would he be shocked? Does he realise how he makes you feel?

I wish he was my best friend but he doesn't even seem to like me. Anytime i go out with my friends (twice a year) he starts an argument before I leave. Every time.
We booked to go to the theatre next month and I told him last week. I put off telling him as he always kicks off and he said do what you want but I'm not paying for it. I didn't ask him for a penny for it.

I have told him. He doesn't care. He just says I haven't done anything wrong.

Get rid. Not just for your sake but for your DC. This is not how you want them to learn about adult relationships.

That sounds very hard to live with. You should go out more and start building up your life outside of your marriage without asking for his permission or help.

Why do you stay with him?

Because I don't want to be the one who made the decision to break up our family. I'm weak.

Perhaps try counselling, but if you don’t think he will change then think about if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Sounds miserable tbh.

You’re not weak. You’re just worn out. Build up your strength by seeking support from friends and family.

But he would be the one who made the decision to break up your family, not you. He makes the decision by way of his behaviour.

I don't want it for the rest of my life. I want a nice quiet happy life with my DC who love me unconditionally. Without him. I need to make plans.

I don’t think you are weak. You have been living with an abusive arse and have kept going. It is frightening breaking free - I know, I’ve done it - but you and your DC deserve a happy life.

This cant go on, you have to end it. It won't be easy but you will thrive out of his way.

My father used to start a row with my mother every occasion she had an evening out without him (which were few.) He was a controlling bastard amongst other things.
You aren't happy and your DC are emulating his poor behaviour.
Can you afford to leave?

Oh hippo I feel for you. Realising your husband doesn't love you is very hard to admit and I remember it well. I too couldn't bring myself to end it. In the end, my ex did and it was the biggest favour ever.

Be kind to yourself. Start thinking about what a future could look like without this stress and awful man weighing you and the kids down. Congrats on the job.

Thank you, everyone. I actually just wish he would have an affair and just leave. Or do something really bad to me so I have an excuse to kick him out. I can't afford to leave immediately, I would need to save for a deposit. But I dream of renting a wee place for me and dc.

you don't need an excuse to end a bad marriage.

He is horrible to you. You are unhappy. Make your plans and leave. Do you really want to live like this for another 10 years?

If it helps, look at it as you aren't making the decision to end your marriage. He did that when he decided to treat you horribly.

And yes your children are learning that this is how a husband and wife behave. Do you really want them to replicate this relationship when they are adults?

You're stronger than you think. Start something new, visit a gym or take up a hobby. Even an hour at the every weekend morning before everyone gets up. This is what I did and it bigger my ex but he soon realised his complaining was unreasonable, even put obstacles in the way of my doing it. I persevered and floor my ducks in a row. Have you tried recording his complaining or insults then send to him in WhatsApp. Tell him he's out of order , and your not pitying up with it anymore.

Take cash back with all transactions and save it up. Every little helps. Even if it's to fund the nights out with the girls

Can’t you stay where you are and kick him out? You don’t have to leave. If you are the kids primary carer then you should be able to stay until the kids are grown. Why not go see a solicitor ASAP and find out exactly what your rights are.

Here's the really embarrassing thing, I'm such a mug. I can visibly see his mood change when he wants sex. That's the only time he is every nice to me. That when he's got what he wants he's back to normal.
I don't think I could afford to keep this place myself and I can't imagine I go every get him to leave. He's so bloody stubborn.

He should be embarrassed by that behaviour - not you.