Post-cheating feelings

[reesesnlove]

Some may remember my partner slept with an escort about 3 weeks ago. He said he would change and things would be different from now if I could forgive him but they just aren't. Today is his birthday and he went out this morning while I was taking our daughter to school, he didn't even say he was going or where he was going. He came back, had a bath and got into bed! I've been asking him all week what he would like to do and he just said 'we'll see'. He's now shouting at me because I haven't arranged anything for him. I don't get it? I've offered to discuss it all week, tried to come up with ideas and he just hasn't shown much interest. I only wanted to give him a nice birthday. I feel like we just can't start again, not because of what he's done but because his apologetic attitude only lasted about 7 days. Since then he's been back to himself, making 'mistress' jokes with his friends, sending memes about cheating to them too, I'm so sick of it. He's 26 today & we have 3 kids together. How did I get with and stay with someone so selfish and childish. Not sure what I'm hoping to gain from this post but I needed to vent. I can now see that he will never change and I can see him cheating again so this is it isn't it.

Stop venting and start packing up his shit into black bags! Theres an option..

I remember your post...You do know hes a serial cheat same as his friends right??
That pathetic performance of "confessing" the crying etc, just a test to see what you would tolerate. You've given him the green light to continue, even more brazen than before.

Don't waste another second of your life on this feckless waster, hes garbage.

Did you get tested?

That sounded wrong......what I mean is vent away but please follow through for your own long term happiness.

How did I get with and stay with someone so selfish and childish
Well you don't have to stay and enable this behaviour.
And you know you shouldn't stay.
Or he shouldn't.
Please get him gone!
This is an awful male role model for your poor DC.
Get him gone.
This weekend!!!!!

You have stayed / put up with him coz you love him, but love is not a reason to tolerate disrespect

I think you know what you Gotta do

Good Luck

I think I’d be giving him a divorce for his birthday.

You can’t start again because he’s an utter arsehole!

Oh no OP what a shitty ungrateful man! I remember your last post . Well, this has got to be the last time he'll have his cake and eat it. How disrespectful to you with his childish and rude memes and all.
You deserve better and you have your kids to make you even happier. Chuck the disrespectful bastard!

Arsehole.

Give him an extra special birthday present:

His stuff packed into black bags.

He should forget his birthday after what he's been up to.

I'm sure with 3 kids at 26 the prospect of leaving is scary...but you can do so much better and you have a good reason to end it.

”When he told me I told him to get out and take his things with him. He didn’t want to leave because the kids would have realised and asked after him.”

You allowed him to take control and talk you around. The children could have been told he was working away.

He ignored your kind attempts to make birthday plans? Threw a tantrum because he now has no birthday plans? Began his birthday by secretly leaving the house for a still unknown reason, then bathed and returned to bed? Is now back to his revolting sexist behavior with his mates?

He is treating you with contempt and creating distance between you. It is likely that he is still cheating or will again. I would send him away.

Where was he this morning?

He went out for a shag op.
Kick him out today.

Yep, he went out this morning for his "birthday treat" op.
Stop being a mug.
He's taking the piss out of you because there are no consequences for him. Kick the fucker out.

@reesesnlove

How is your emotional and sexual relationship with this guy?

Men who sleep with escorts while in a relationship are usually one of two things, emasculated, or DGAF. Probably right to move on either way, but if the former you might wanna check yo-self befo you wreck yo-self next time.

To clarify @SkinnyPete; you are insinuating that op emasculated him and thats the reason he slept with a sex worker!?

Who knows maybe it was the micro penis, general inferiority complex, misogyny, or maybe he's just an out and out bell end. The latter is a more likely cause in my opinion.

Op bin this disrespectful fuckwit off and get an sti check .....You need an STI check regardless of whether the woman was a sex worker or not.

@closetbeanmuncher

No. I'm saying he's either super low esteem, commonly caused by long term female emasculation. Or... Just a prick that doesn't give a f*.

Actually, there's one other alternative, that he could be a psychopath.

Either way, I'd recommend moving on.

@SkinnyPete

Multiple causes of low self esteem in both sexes. Many in today's age are a paradox/distortions caused by modern society, I believe.

Definitely agree that op should move on, and my money is on prick that doesn't give a f**k.

Pack his bag and kick him out.

So @SkinnyPete, you've just read my post and assumed I deprive my partner of his male identity, right? His freedom to do whatever he wants whenever he wants is why we are in this situation and have these problems that we have. Check myself before I wreck myself? I'm sorry, I came here for mature and reassuring female advice. Luckily others have given it to me. Thank you to those for their genuine advice and words of support.

@reesesnlove

Hadn't assumed anything, and said it was either him being a prick/DGAF, or the other which has got you riled. Still, sorry if you think I've assumed something about you, I hadn't. It was either/or.

As you last wrote, he's a POS because it's about freedom. LTB.

I believe that people make mistakes and things can sometimes be worked through but only if both parties are committed. He's done precisely f-all to try and prove himself to you. Why should you stand for this? Not only the cheating but the blatant disregard for you and your feelings afterwards. That would rile me as much as the initial betrayal to be honest. You've given him a life line and he's thrown it back in your face. Get rid x

@Littlelolly2727 what you have said is exactly how I feel. After he was supposedly sorry, he said things would change and I wanted to give him a chance because we have 3 kids together and I didn't want to just give up. But since his initial apology, like you say, he hasn't attempted to prove himself and make an effort. It's so hard, but he's made the thought of leaving him feel easier tbh because he's showing that he doesn't care. Every time I sit down with him to talk, he is so very immature in conversation that I can't agree with anything he says anymore. It's like he's not even the same person.

he's made the thought of leaving him feel easier

Good.

Stick with that thought.

Form everything you've said...this is a man who will cheat again. Why give him your heart.

I would be planning for a future without him.

All these men who go out and pay for sex. I wonder how they'd feel if their wife/GF did it.

Your OH comes across as entitled and he fundamentally doesn't see an issue with men cheating...hence the mistress jokes.

He's showing you who he is. Believe him

You trusted that he was truly remorseful, but now you know that he was just throwing out lines to keep you sweet. I would be livid.

check yo-self befo you wreck yo-self next time

This.

I'm a lone parent. I left an asshole like him 8 years ago. I can tell you there is not a moment I regret my decision to leave that entitled tosser.

Believe me, life on your own will be peaceful and happy. Better to be happy on your own than miserable in a relationship.

Just wanted to update that I ended our relationship today and it got to the point where I couldn't wait to do this. Sadly my reality is the person I thought would love me and be faithful to me forever just hasn't been and there's no way this can work after what he's done. On top of being unfaithful he is VERY secretive now whereas he wasn't before. So that just tells me all I need to know and that he probably is still doing things behind my back. It helps when I tell myself that he is just not the person he was when I first met him and I do believe he has changed for the worse. I don't know why but I think it's the pressures of family life, yet I've only ever given everything I can to our family and relationship. Thanks for the advice everyone.