*Boyfriend pushed me during argument for the first time - Should I leave?*

[helen1819]

I don't know if I should leave my boyfriend for physically pushing me during an argument for the first time a week ago. I said nothing abusive or insulting to him beforehand, and was shocked at how aggressive he became midway through our conversation, yelling and then pushing me.

I left after it happened and he apologized profusely when I finally got back home. He said he did it because his past wife had been emotionally abusive towards him, and that it would not happen again.

He has treated me like a queen since we started dating 6 months ago, but I still get upset about what happened last week. Is it an outlier that won't repeat itself, or has a line been crossed that will lead to the erosion of boundaries and respect? Thank you so much for your thoughts.

Good for you! Stay strong.

Well done!

I'm always suspicious of men who treat women 'like a queen' or a 'precious flower'.

It's compensatory behaviour; a defence against the truth that finally emerges.

Out of interest, what does treating you like a princess or precious flower actually mean in reality? What does he do?

"When someone shows you who they are believe them" That quotes from Maya Angelou and I didn't get it until I got it. He's shown you who he is so believe him the first time, don't let there a 5th or a 6th time.Abusers never change and it always gets worse.

I just saw the update: well done OP!

I’ve given someone the benefit of the doubt and it didn’t end well.

‘Precious flower’ gives me the creeps.

Well done OP, that is such great news to read

You have saved yourself

Good! How did he take it?

Good work.

Once this starts it's likely to only get worse. Imagine if you have added stress of moving house, or planning a wedding, or having children - it will take less and less to set him off. You've made the right choice.

There’s always one.

Hands up who has NEVER pushed, slapped, hit, kicked or been plain mean and nasty to somebody at some point.

Being mean and nasty is not the same as resorting to physical violence. I have never slapped, kicked or hit someone, except in self defence. It’s unacceptable behaviour, regardless of whether you’re male or female.

But the OP was sitting down when he pushed her, @Lushlemming so there was no reason for him to feel threatened at all. So even the excuse of overreacting because his ex had been abusive doesn't wash at all.

You've done the right thing dumping him, OP, and not minimising what happened.

Hands up who has NEVER pushed, slapped, hit, kicked or been plain mean and nasty to somebody at some point.

it is comments like this that make me think there should be a class on what normal relationships look like in schools. Because some sad people live lives in which they never see normal so think brutal is the norm.

well done OP.

@Lushlemming I've got both hands up 👐 as I've never done it to anyone nor received it from anyone and never will!
There's no excuse for being abusive end of!

Well done OP for taking charge and doing the right thing 🥂. 6 months in should be honeymoon period but he just couldn't help himself. All the best for your what next. X

The mask temporarily slipped and you had a glimpse of the real person underneath!

This is the beginning of something terrible, and I say this from a position of experience. The fact that but he's taken no responsibility for his actions is another glaring red flag.

If you fancy a lifetime of physically fighting him in self defence then by all means continue with the relationship

Hes got you on a pedestal at the moment, but you have just received your first punishment for stepping out of line.

There are only two things guaranteed here....

1. It will happen again
2. It will escalate

Run.like.the.fucking.wind.

....Didn't see the dumped him part...

Well done op, cheers to that.

Time to go fuck yourself @Lushlemming. Thankfully the OP acted before reading your disgusting post. And YES to the poster suggesting people take classes in what a normal relationship looks like. I have never struck or hurt anybody ever, especially not a partner, and I don't know anyone who has. It's not normal. It'll never be normal.

And, men are usually bigger and stronger than women and can do more damage.

Well done, op. Good move. You listened to your instinct.

Hands up who has NEVER pushed, slapped, hit, kicked or been plain mean and nasty to somebody at some point

Yup my hands are up, never pushed, slapped,hit, kicked or been plain nasty to anyone in my whole life. Oh possibly as a young child, but I doubt it and certainly don't remember it.

You know that's not normal behaviour right?

Dear everyone,

I want to thank you for putting your hearts and thoughts into the thread. It has been over a year since we all spoke, and I want to let you know that thanks to you I am doing well!

Stay safe everyone!

Great news, thanks for updating. X
(I did comment before but have had a name change!).

That he treats you like a precious flower is a red flag in and of itself.