*Boyfriend pushed me during argument for the first time - Should I leave?*

[helen1819]

I don't know if I should leave my boyfriend for physically pushing me during an argument for the first time a week ago. I said nothing abusive or insulting to him beforehand, and was shocked at how aggressive he became midway through our conversation, yelling and then pushing me.

I left after it happened and he apologized profusely when I finally got back home. He said he did it because his past wife had been emotionally abusive towards him, and that it would not happen again.

He has treated me like a queen since we started dating 6 months ago, but I still get upset about what happened last week. Is it an outlier that won't repeat itself, or has a line been crossed that will lead to the erosion of boundaries and respect? Thank you so much for your thoughts.

Your instincts are telling you something. Trust them.

As an aside, why would anyone want to be treated like a flower? Wtaf.

You're not a precious flower, though. You are a woman who was disagreeing with him so he pushed you. And then he blamed his first wife. Now you are back to being treated like a precious flower again. You're still not a woman in his eyes. What will happen when you disagree with him again?

Play the film to the end, OP, then get out now before it's too late.

Will anyone come on and say no stay with him? Sorry OP I don't think they will. Too many on her have stayed after the first push, then shove then hit. My exDP cried and cried and cried phoned his mum, begged me to leave him the first time he hit me. It wasn't the last time, and when I left him several months later after he kicked my dog, it was my fault and I was a heartless cow. He had a nervous breakdown later, apparently because of me, that's what he told the next GF anyway.

Don't go on what he says. He pushed you, in anger, that's what he DID and that's all that matters.

This is how abuse starts. Good for you, for recognising that it's a problem straightaway. So many women don't, because it's easy to dismiss it as "just a little push". Soon it could be pushing you up against a wall. Then what.

My XP treated me like a queen, too, when he wasn't screaming at me or raping me. A good man would own his actions, instead of blaming them on someone else. A good man wouldn't get violent. He's telling you who he is - listen.

You are minimising it yes, it sounds horrible and scary.

Six months, no ties whatsorver, so kids, nah I'd be moving on, nobody would get to do that to me, the fact he is blaming someone else for it also speaks volumes.

This is absolutely classic abusive behaviour in every respect.

Get out now.

Agree with everyone on here

Thank you everyone for these responses. I completely agree with all of you, and my instincts have never failed me. I'm out, and will update you on anything significant. Much love and gratitude to all of you strong women and men.

You were sitting down so already physically less of a threat and he deliberately came over to you to touch you in anger.

In a year if he does it harder/worse you will be a year invested, it will only be twice and he will treat you like a flower the rest of the time.

Don't wait get out now.

I’m glad you’re getting out.

My ex pushed me once, while I was pregnant. He never did that again, although he did break stuff, etc. What he did do was to move on to emotional manipulation (making me think I was a terrible mother and person and that’d he could take the kids away), financial abuse (even though I was the higher earner) and, eventually, sexual abuse and coercive control.

It took me 10 years to LTB. I’m glad you’re reacting at the first sign.

It started with a small push with my ex. Then a broken nose, broken wrist, broken thumb, knocked out cold, dragged around by my hair, pushed down the stairs, spat at and all finished off with a sexual assault after each attack. This was within six months. Abuse can happen over years or sometimes very, very quickly. He's showing you who he is.
I wish I'd left after that push. Don't make my mistake, I've been left with PTSD and I'm a shadow of my former self.

Dump him. The is how it starts. Do not ignore your boundaries and set them lower for an abusive loser. Get the power back!

I KNOW it's really difficult but the is life. It's difficult decisions.

In fact he treats me like a precious flower.
This is in itself a red flag.

I'm glad you are getting out. Well done!

There are some instances where pushing could be "okay" but they all involve someone being liable to get hurt without the push e.g. pushing you out of the way of an oncoming car.
But this isn't one of them. He couldn't keep up the good behaviour longer than 6 months.

For me,
The fact you were sitting in a chair makes this even worse!

Had you been standing up and he felt threatened in some way, intimidated, trapped in a space...
These would be somewhat understandable.
But still unacceptable

But he got up, walked to where you were sitting and pushed your shoulder?
That's aggressive and provocative. Had you reacted he would have been calling you crazy and that it was your fault.

I say this as a woman who was shoved twice during pregnancies and they were both my 'fault'

Well done OP and good luck.

I'm sorry but I would be leaving.

When I found out my longer term partner had been cheating it ended up in a big row and him literally picking me up and slinging me out of the room

Fast forward a few weeks, I'm talking to his ex and she asks had he been violent yet?!

I had already walked but her comment just sealed it for me.

They don't change, sorry

Sorry and the 'additional info' doesn't make it any more acceptable

Very glad you have made that decision OP.

Please let us know how it goes.

At 6 months the real person starts coming out...this is him.

I been seeing my boyfriend for 8 months, if he ever physically touched me or called me names i would be out. My ex was abusive and I chose to ignore the red flags and accept his apologies. Never again.

Dear All, I dumped him.

I am so glad that you dumped him @helen1819 I really did not like the sound of him at all. Thank goodness things hadn't gone further with him. Seriously, you have dodged a bullet.

I'm so glad you've dumped him! yes the treating you as a precious flower is a red flag, although it sounds odd! him blaming his ex for his pushing you - yep, always someone else's fault

Fantastic update, op. Hope this inspired others to walk at the very first sign of violence.