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Original poster

DH been offered a secondment abroad

56 replies

Cabbagesoupsucks · 18/01/2019 11:41

DH has been offered a 6 month secondment to another country for work. It's in Asia so not the shortest flight. We have 2 DC age 5&7 and I'm just not sure what to say. He is excited. I should support that. But at the same time I'm worried how it will impact us as a family, him not being here. We haven't yet found out what the company will pay for e.g. our flights to visit him, his flights home etc.
He hasn't said yes yet and wants to find out a bit more info.

Wwyd

OP posts:
Offside · 18/01/2019 14:10

Amazing opportunity! If his company is a good company I would expect them to pay for all expenses if they are the ones asking him to go.

Is there no way you and the kids could go? 6 months experience of another culture is also an amazing opportunity for them.

Offside · 18/01/2019 14:12

Sorry OP, I kissed your post re not being able to go with him.

I wouldn’t have an issue with this, I’d be a bit jealous, but from my experience (well, having friends who have been given these opportunities) it has made their careers. We’re hoping DH gets offered a secondment abroad soon, but we would probably go with him.

Offside · 18/01/2019 14:12

Missed*

EvaHarknessRose · 18/01/2019 14:14

Ask him to spend half an hour thinking what it would mean for him if YOU had this opportunity. Then start talking.

Original poster
Cabbagesoupsucks · 18/01/2019 14:17

His expenses will be paid. Not sure on how many flights home and flights/accomodation for us. It's a bit annoying they've mentioned the opportunity but not actually outlined it in depth of what is involved etc.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 18/01/2019 14:17

Always seems to be men/dads who even consider these kind of moves. That's leaving you to be a single parent for 6 months.

A lot them start living a double life out there. A marriage needs to be on very firm ground to go with it.

Adora10 · 18/01/2019 14:19

Do you mean they pay his accommodation (which sounds right), do you think they will pay for holiday flights, I'm not so sure about that, esp yours and kids.

SandyY2K · 18/01/2019 14:19

It's a bit annoying they've mentioned the opportunity but not actually outlined it in depth of what is involved etc.

Just make a note of all your questions.
Medical
Trips home
Accomodation

BIWI · 18/01/2019 14:23

Would you have to give up your business though? Could you not run it remotely? (Obviously depends on what it is!)

If it's only 6 months I'd definitely say go for it, and do what you can to go with him - but you also need to make sure that they'll pay for accommodation for you all, or whether they're planning for only DH to go.

Mintychoc1 · 18/01/2019 14:27

If it was definitely only 6 months I would say go for it, if pay, flights etc are satisfactory. I would, however, be very wary if there was any chance it could be extended or become a permanent position. That’s a whole different discussion from a 6 month placement.

Brakebackcyclebot · 18/01/2019 16:27

That's leaving you to be a single parent for 6 months

This really irritates me. No it isn't. OK would not be a single parent. She would be a parent who has the other parent away for a period of time - but still available on facetime/phone/email/whatever to talk things through with, share decision making. Not to mention still funding the family. That is not being a single parent on an emotional or financial level.

Calmingvibrations · 18/01/2019 16:48

Personally I wouldn’t want this to happen if it were my DH. It would have to be a lot of extra money to warrant a move like that.
Obviously I’m in the minority judging the replies though!
Not the same thing, but pre kids my DH worked away during the week, originally it was for 6 months but turned out to be over a year. It kept being extended and it was difficult to turn down as it was loads of money. (For us, maybe not in Mumsnet world haha)

That’s one thing I’d be concerned about - if he’s enjoying it - will he come back after 6 months even if opportunity to extend ?

DBML · 18/01/2019 17:19

No way. I’d be devastated if DH went away to work for six months! I’d miss him like crazy and no sex!!! Couldn’t do it.

This sort of move is not right for everyone op. Some people may not mind, but it would be a no for me.

Adora10 · 18/01/2019 17:22

Can you imagine a woman choosing to leave her two small kids for half a year for no financial benefit for the family, nah, me neither.

MrsGrindah · 18/01/2019 17:26

i just think why would you leave people you love for a long time?

Rainatnight · 18/01/2019 17:30

I'd be fairly supportive for all the reasons mentioned by PPs, but I'd want to know if there was money to stretch to some help at home. At the very least, I'd want a mother's help a few evenings a week, helping with dinner, homework, bath and bed.

Whisky2014 · 18/01/2019 17:33

6 months will fly by!

MrsGrindah · 18/01/2019 17:36

It will fly by cos the OP will be run ragged keeping everything going by herself at home!

Whisky2014 · 18/01/2019 17:40

Don't be so dramatic.
6 months in a lifetime career is a blip as is bring up kids. I'm sure they will have people to support too.

katykins85 · 18/01/2019 17:41

My DH is military, so goes away for 6-12 months every 3 years. Honestly its fine, you soon get into a routine and the time goes quite quickly. He is away now and I have a 2 and 3 year old, plus older ones and they all speak to him via Skype etc every day and are coping fine. Its a bit manic as I work FT so doing all the ferrying around to nursery etc but after the first couple of weeks it settled down and I'm used to it. If it will help hos career go for it, children are far more resilient than you think Smile

Original poster
Cabbagesoupsucks · 18/01/2019 17:43

I appreciate all your comments. It's alot to think about.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 18/01/2019 17:47

How much does he do around the home and for the kids atm? Can you physically cope without him?

In theory, it's not that long, could lead to something better and Skype etc can keep him connected but what if he's out there and thry offer to entend it?

chillpizza · 18/01/2019 17:47

Honestly I wouldn’t support dh in this. I would rather divorce. I didn’t marry and have children with a man who worked away for a reason. Sure military families deal with it but you know that when you marry into military.

Most of the men who for away for such lengths of time will cheat in one way or another even if the wives don’t want to believe it.

ElvisParsley · 18/01/2019 17:51

At the very least, I'd want a mother's help a few evenings a week, helping with dinner, homework, bath and bed.

Confused Really? These aren’t babies or toddlers here. Depending on the DH’s job, he may not be around for this part of the day anyway. Admittedly, I learned to do everything single handed because DH was military but, I cannot fathom not being able to manage two NT school age children in the evenings to the point where I needed to outsource it.

Fantastiqueangel · 18/01/2019 17:52

Maybe go away for a week and leave him to do absolutely everything at home, then talk again with him. It very much depends on how much you all benefit, not just him