Am i being stupid?

[Vbxxx]

So I'm not sure where to begin I've been with my boyfriend 12 months now and hes started to make me feel very insercure and bad about myself one day he just shocked me and said you look ugly then immediately after said I'm joking then another time usually after we are intimate he tells me i look bad or look crap i dont know why he says these things i feel so hurt because other times he'll say your so beautiful and he will tell me he loves me so much i feel like i have to look perfect when I'm around him its really getting me down and affecting my self confidence am i being silly?

No your not being stupid!
Run away! This is what my ex started with to grind me down, then he started swearing at
Me it then went on to him hitting me a few times he was awful. Honestly he doesn’t deserve a gf. Tell him to get lost and find yourself a man who will build you up. X

Thanks so much for you're advice really appreciate that @donnas146 xx

Not being silly at all. Life is way too short to be with anyone who brings you down, and I say this as someone who's had their fair share of shut relationships.

He is abusive.

He's negging you - saying really nasty things to you so you'll be grateful for any fucking crumb of decency you get. It's no coincidence that it's affecting your self confidence, that is exactly what he intends it should do. Please leave this turd of a man.

Hi OP

It’s a huge red flag, my ex wore me right down like this I was only 18 and very naive anyway! One particular example - I’d woke up one morning and he told me I should make more of an effort with myself I’d just bloody woke up! when I got defensive he smashed the bedroom up because I was then “twisting his words” or “taking it the wrong way”

If I could give my 18 year old self advice, it would have been to leave at this very early stage. I spent a year and a half with this guy & he really broke me down and did turn physically absusive towards me (he strangled me) it never happened again & very shortly after he left me for OW. He was of course cheating just to top his amazing qualities some more. It really was a blessing in disguise.

Don’t take shit from any “man” who takes pleasure in putting you down. It’s to make himself feel more ‘masculine’ but it makes him even more weak and they know it

Good luck OP

Gaslighting. LTB.

Thanks for you're reply @anyat212 thats so awful to hear that and scary! I'm definitely leaving him

I was going to say do the same and see how he likes it...but why bother.

Just end it. Tell him you need time alone or tell him its not working for you.

His comments are as a result of his own insecurities.

Sounds crazy too me

This is the start of an abusive and controlling relationship.
I do hope you mean it when you say you are definitely leaving him.
Please do so and do it soon.
You deserve to be treated with love and respect.
Not put down all the time.
How old are you OP?
You may benefit from doing the Freedom Programme.
It's run by Womens Aid.
You can do it on-line.
But these are big red flags. It's good you've spotted them.
Now get away from him - fast!

I'm 21 he's 26 i didn't even realise it was abuse just thought he was bit rude sometimes or thoughtless i know i don't deserve the things he says i don't want to be with someone like that at all thank you so much for all the replys and understanding me i thought i was totally overreacting it all makes sense now

@Vbxxx I know it’s probably a lot to take in, it could be worth looking up online to understand emotional abuse and how it can escalate. I never understood it was abuse when I was in your position it wasn’t until it went further, I think unfortunately a lot of people think this way that’s it’s normal or he’s having a bad day because it’s not physical it often gets over looked. Emotional abuse is just as bad and can often be worse, depending on the person and the situation.

Sending you hugs

Also, I’m now happy with my DP after my ex with a LO on the way - I’m 26 and a completely different person to when I was with my ex. I’m saying this because they can often tell you that “you can’t do any better” or “you’ll never find anyone else” even they don’t believe it, it’s a control tactic that’s all.
I promise you’ll find somebody else who treats you so much better and you’ll be kicking yourself that you never left sooner!

@Vbxxx he is taking pleasure in making you feel like shit. He should be making you feel like a million dollars.

Please dump his sorry arse as soon as possible! Do it today. Let us know how it goes and hope you are OK. You deserve much better than this!!!

PS: Well done for questioning this and recognising it as a red flag. You've got good instincts.

Thank you all so much for your comments! I left him last night when i explained it all to him first off all he said he couldn't understand why i was upset and that i was overreacting then he said sorry and he loves me and doesnt want lose me its all too late for that now i just feel better for having the courage to leave him and its really thanks to these comments helped me alot xxx

That's really good news. Well done and wishing you all the best for the future!

This has been so eye opening and really empowering to me

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy thank you so so much x

Go OP!

I think you made a very courageous and healthy decision, OP!

Get the hell out. He will try every sugar coated phrase in the book. Be strong and move on, there are decent people out there who would never ever say that to you, even as a joke.

Just read the post. Totally unfair on you and no boyfriend should do that. Well done on leaving

You certainly don't hang about OP.

Been going on for a while it was only last night i realised it was emotional abuse he's already destroyed my self confidence i had to leave asap