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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I jump before I'm pushed?

34 replies

TulipPower · 16/01/2019 11:29

I've NC for this. Been a long-time poster but don't want to be outed.

Yesterday my DP was really quiet all day. He's self employed and works at home, I work in an office 9-5 (yawn!). When I got home, he confronted me with a letter from the mobile phone company, which he claims he opened as he 'assumed' it was for him.

Basically I changed accounts and cancelled my direct debit, resulting in missing the payments. I paid online last week, just thinking the whole amount would be included. Turns out only the airtime bill was, not the device plan, hence the letter telling me to pay it ASAP. For what it's worth, it was £26.

I called them up and paid it, but was made to put the phone on speaker so he could hear the conversation.

DP then started saying how I needed to change my address to my mum's, because he wasn't having these letters, threatening to take HIS house, at HIS address (£26 ffs!).

He owns the house outright, no mortgage. I've lived there nearly 6 years, pay the bills and food. My bank and phone contract are registered there, obviously, and I am on the electoral roll at the address.

He's always been a bit funny, but this has almost switched a light on for me; the last few months he's checked very regularly I've been on my pill, asked me several times to confirm I'd have a termination if I became pregnant, and started using WhatsApp (super unusual as he hates all of that, I don't have it). We've DTD perhaps twice in the last four months, instead he'll ask me to 'service' him.

This to me now is like a massive red flag. I don't have access to anything, his phone/computer etc., so I can't see if anything is up.

Any advice out there? Seriously starting to think he's up to something..

OP posts:
Teenytinyvoice · 16/01/2019 11:31

Doesn’t matter if he’s up to something, he sounds very unpleasant and this in itself is a good enough reason to leave.

DogDayMorning · 16/01/2019 11:33

Service him? Is he a car?

He may be up to something, who knows, but you sound very detached from him and he from you.

ohfourfoxache · 16/01/2019 11:35

Doesn’t matter if he’s up to anything or not, he sounds bloody horrible

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 16/01/2019 11:36

Sounds time to go imo.
He sounds like he has no respect for you at all.
And did he return the sexual favour or is it all about him?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/01/2019 11:36

Service him> Confused

Lovely.

Whatever is going on he sounds unpleasant.

was made to put the phone on speaker so he could hear the conversation*

Seriously?

Yes, jump. Hell, run!!!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/01/2019 11:37

You need to leave. This isn't going to get better.

Sicario · 16/01/2019 11:49

I'd start looking for a place of my own if I were you. Sounds like a right charmer.

Mrsmummy90 · 16/01/2019 11:55

He is very controlling. Save yourself years of stress and walk!

Elledorado · 16/01/2019 11:59

If my partner asked me to "service" him (his words? Really? Did u tell him to fuck the hell off?) I would come to the conclusion that I could do SO MUCH BETTER.

TulipPower · 16/01/2019 12:00

Thanks all.

We have become very detached over the last few months, almost like housemates really. It's sad, but I guess it happens. No DC so no concerns there.

I'd never noticed before, but now I think about it, he has always required some element of control over things like phone calls etc., all the bills in his name only, I don't think there's ever really been a true commitment.

Guess I need to find my ducks?

OP posts:
Myotherhusbandisgaryoldman · 16/01/2019 12:00

He sounds just lovely!
Ducks in a row, OP
💐

TulipPower · 16/01/2019 12:01

@Elledorado yep, his words... Hmm

OP posts:
Elledorado · 16/01/2019 12:03

That's fcking awful Tulip*... get out of there. Good luck to his next acquisition Sad

Elledorado · 16/01/2019 12:05

Acquisition!?? Sorry that was an autocorrect of a typo but it sort of fits!

Gunpowder · 16/01/2019 12:07

Ugh. Get out while you can.

Thehop · 16/01/2019 12:09

Jesus Christ, get out quick.

ImNotKitten · 16/01/2019 12:15

the last few months he's checked very regularly I've been on my pill, asked me several times to confirm I'd have a termination if I became pregnant, and started using WhatsApp (super unusual as he hates all of that, I don't have it). We've DTD perhaps twice in the last four months, instead he'll ask me to 'service' him.

This is so horrible. Let alone all the other red flags in your opening post. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Please get out and give yourself the chance to meet someone who will love, cherish and trust you.

DogDayMorning · 16/01/2019 12:22

Agree with PP, move on as quick as you can. Sounds like his controlling nature will make that easy TBH because in terms of where you live you are pretty much off the radar. Don't waste any headspace at all on what he may or may not be up to, your only concern now is YOU.

Littleraindrop15 · 16/01/2019 12:26

Ltb

Sicario · 16/01/2019 12:26

By the way - here's a little tip. If you want to get out quickly (without all the hassle of renting another place) take a look at local holiday rentals which will be low season, temporary, and cheap. I did that ages ago when in a similar situation and ended up living on a canal boat for a while. It was great!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/01/2019 12:34

@Sicario what a great tip! I wish I'd thought of that when I was sofa surfing after a messy break-up 10 years ago...

TulipPower · 16/01/2019 12:58

@Sicario that is a great idea! I'd never have thought of that!

He's gone quiet again today... hmm...

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 16/01/2019 13:00

Housemates don't ask each other for blowjobs op.

Get out of there ASAP, he sounds a prize prick and his recent behaviour would have me thinking he's got his eye on someone else.

TulipPower · 16/01/2019 13:05

I think I agree with you, there's definitely something going on.

Is it wrong that I'd love to catch him cheating?

Might spend the weekend at mum's and get some space to think and get a plan in place.

OP posts:
RoseOfSharyn · 16/01/2019 18:06

It strikes me that you say you've lived in his house for almost 6 years. I know a few people who are under some stange impression that once you've lived in a house for 6 years then you automatically become financially entitled to some of it.
Regardless of whether he thinks that though he sounds like a prick.
Getting you to agree to an abortion if you accidently became pregnant?! Wtf!!