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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Weird... But is he cheating?

37 replies

Whiskeyqueen2457 · 15/01/2019 22:31

I feel stupid typing this but I was just sorting out the washing and there's a pretty large blood stain in the back of DHs Boxers.
Please be gentle with me, I know this makes me seem paranoid but I've been in a relationship with a cheat before and it's left me slightly damaged. The stain doesn't look like it could of erm come out of him so now I'm thinking was he sleeping with someone who was on their period because that's what I first thought when I saw it. Please someone tell me I'm crazy and there's an obvious reason. I've probably not articulated this very well but he'll be home soon and I'm worrying

OP posts:

Equalityumber · 15/01/2019 22:38

I mean that’s quite a big leap... is there anything else to make you think he would?

MommaBee97 · 15/01/2019 22:39

Hey hun, being cheated on in the past always carries a burden with you forever. Constantly looking for things that indicates they are cheating, checking their phones etc.
Maybe, you head has taken over a little here. He could be hiding something from you but not what you are thinking! He may have piles, one could of burst causing the blood on his boxers? He may be bleeding from the back passage, as horrible that is to think of! I wouldn't jump to conclusions until you have solid evidence, sometimes accusations can make your relationship or your own mind worse. The best thing to do is ask him. "I was doing the laundry today and noticed blood on your boxers, are you okay? It was quite a bit of blood" If he seems shady/suspicious, then keep your eyes peeled!
Hope that's reassured you!

Alabasterangel6 · 15/01/2019 22:40

The first thing I would think is piles.

Tiredemma · 15/01/2019 22:40

How would he end up with a blood stain on the back of his shorts from sleeping with someone who is menstruating?

I'd be more concerned that he has developed some bowel related illness causing him to bleed

Dontstepinthecowpat · 15/01/2019 22:41

That’s quite a leap. Has he ever had your period blood on his boxers? Because I can’t quite imagine how that could happen unless they were being worn by the menstrating female? I’d be more worried he was unwell.

JaneyJimplin · 15/01/2019 22:44

Erm yeah, that's a massive leap. And I say that as someone who's partner had an actual affair, so I get the paranoia.

I reckon he's popped a pile.

Blood in pants needs discussing though. If it's not piles, or he's not sure, he needs to see a doctor asap.

Productrecall · 15/01/2019 22:47

Picked a spot? Seems much more likely than he had sex with a menstruating woman who then got blood on the back of his pants. How would that even happen without him noticing?

Original poster

Whiskeyqueen2457 · 15/01/2019 22:49

Thanks for replying! He definitely doesn't have piles and the stain is quite far away from the middle of the Boxers if you know what I mean? Believe me I know it's a massive leap.
There are little things he's done that have made me wonder whether there's someone else but nothing too incriminating plus the fact I know that I'm always subconsciously looking for warning signs due to my history but I can't seem to get this out of my mind

OP posts:

Loyaultemelie · 15/01/2019 22:50

I'd be more worried about him than worried about an affair I understand being hurt before makes you wary but still.

Closetbeanmuncher · 15/01/2019 22:59

I get what you mean op, do some digging.

Let's hope you're wrong.

SavageBeauty73 · 15/01/2019 23:01

I'd worry about his health rather than an affair.

Lbwestf123 · 15/01/2019 23:05

Just ask him about it and if he asks why you wanted to know, say blood is harder to get out and needs washing in a different way.

Then judge his reaction 😌

Catalicious · 15/01/2019 23:06

I think this is a scenario where you can legitimately ask him directly out of concern for his health.

Feckers2018 · 15/01/2019 23:10

I know what you mean. Do you think a woman wore them? Ive done that.

Kennycalmit · 15/01/2019 23:12

If I found this never in a million years would I assume cheating. I’d be extremely concerned for his health.
I understand you’ve been cheated on before and so I mean this kindly - I think it might be worth talking to somebody about your paranoia. Please don’t take that the wrong way. I just don’t think it’s normal or healthy for you take such a leap.

If he was having sex with somebody else and she started her period he would surely wash his penis before getting dressed. Who would put their boxers on whilst their penis is covered in period blood?

Musti · 15/01/2019 23:15

Nosebleed or cut himself shaving and grabbed boxers as close at hand would be my first thought. Even if he was sleeping with someone, how would he get her period on the back of his pants? And if they'd gotten stained by him sleeping with someone with a period, you'd think he'd bin them rather than bring them home for his wife to wash. He'll hardly have not noticed!

SuperSuperSuper · 15/01/2019 23:24

I think you should mention it. He prObably needs to see his GP. Hope it turns out not to be serious.

I think the period theory is very unlikely but I understand why you're paranoid. The only other thing I can think of is that a woman scratched him during sex and drew blood but that's a bit bonkers too.

user14869556378 · 16/01/2019 01:16

Is your husband stupid? IF he was cheating surely he'd throw them out, not get you to wash them? They're only boxers. I'd just leave it and keep an eye out, perhaps his ill and could be embarrassed.

Renarde1975 · 16/01/2019 03:47

Careful methinks OP. Piles can also be internal. A cheater would (unless utterly stupid) leave around such evidence. Because there is also another explanation but I really dont think its that.

Monty27 · 16/01/2019 04:39

He's either been cheating or has a health issue. Go find.

jessstan2 · 16/01/2019 04:43

It's possible he has piles or a big pile, they bleed, sometimes profusely. Both my husband and I have had them at times.

Ask him, it's unlikely he would have put his boxers in the wash for you to deal with if it was evidence he was cheating. I don't think anyone would be that daft, frankly.

You won't know until you talk to him though.

swingofthings · 16/01/2019 05:59

My first thought was above, cut himself and grab the first thing he finds to wipe, especially if in the bedroom and not wanting to drop blood on floor.

DoYouLikeBasghetti · 16/01/2019 06:16

If he had been cheating and it was period blood he would definitely have noticed. (I'm still blushing over 20 years later after I I stained an ex boyfriend's pants). No way would he have not seen it and put it in the laundry. I would also be worried about his health/unless as pps he's used his pants to mop up shaving accident etc.

cushioncuddle · 16/01/2019 06:34

He's cut himself and grabbed them to stop the bleeding.
Had an itch , scratched himself with his nail and it bled.
Scratched a spot and made it bleed.
An affair is very far fetched.

thedancingbear · 16/01/2019 07:31

Fucking hell. Only on MN could blood stains in a man's boxer short be evidence that he's cheating.

OP, assuming he hasn't just cut himself, your DH needs to go to the doctors, sharpish.

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