So here’s the thing. We’re not divorcing. We’ve been through eons of couples therapy (yes, great counsellor), and it’s about the only thing we 100% agree on. Perverse, I know.
We have soooo many reasons for sticking with this (financial, parenting, religious, personal principles, you name it.). We don’t judge others for cutting and running (in fact I envy them often!), but it’s not for us.
Now I’m looking for options of practical arrangements where we can live sane, peaceful lives and co-parent without killing each other. We are fortunate that we have another property an hour away from main home (and dd’s primary school). Think working farm. Otherwise we both can work over the internet from home 70% of the time.
Can I ask does anyone know of (or live) alternative marriages that might be of interest in my research? Often Mumsnet seems so black & white in its opinions- it’s Leave The Bastard, start a new life, etc. Well that’s not happening here. So what does everyone else do, when they find they’re not living with the partner they signed on for but need a workable solution that’s not formally splitting up?
Practical deets: I’m 48, he’s 52. 8yo dd. Married 12 years, together 19. He’s not abusive, if anything too passive. DD adores him, and he her. He’s the fun parent, I’m the boring one who packs the right lunch and insists on sunscreen! Some of our marital issues include celibacy (him), born-again Trump/alt right fan (him, previously v left wing like me), anxiety (from birth trauma, diagnosed, me). Me (upper class) him (working class). It was a plus for us when younger, but now lots of issues as we age.
It’s up to me to find a workable life for us, he’ll just go along with it. But both of us would be happier (and better parents) if we could stop pretending the ‘full time nuclear family in the leafy suburbs’ was real and working. It isn’t. I can’t quite believe we’re alone in this, but everyone’s hiding it very well around here if they’re suffering too! I want to live a genuine life, be honest to everyone that we’ve had to make changes, but not divide all our assets (and likely have to pay him ‘alimony’) as well as devastating our girl.
Wow, that’s longer than I planned. But quite therapeutic to write down! Any ideas? It’s so hard to swim against the tide of divorce/recoupling.