What is this? Is there a name for it?

[CarolDanvers]

Couple go out, sometimes to family gatherings, sometimes friends, mostly his. Children may or may not be with them. The husband is always the life and soul of the situation. He's funny, charming, intelligent and is always the centre of everything that's going on. He never makes eye contact with his wife, never draws her in, if she tries to talk to him he is looking anywhere but at her and responds to her as minimally as possible. If she moves to sit with him, he will move away to another group or go to get a drink after a few minutes. If she smiles at him and tries to catch his eye or engage with him he avoids that interaction. On the way home he is quiet and completely uninterested in speaking to her just scrolls through his phone rather than make conversation. He denies any of this if challenged.

This isn't me. I am very happily single. My friend was in tears describing it to me today. What would you be thinking? I'm trying to be neutral in my description of how he acts and not let my opinion cloud it. I will show her any responses.

Sounds like a tosser to be honest.

He has disengaged from the relationship/your friend. Or at the least he has no respect for her. What an arsehole way to behave towards the person you're supposed to care most about.

What is he like at home generally? Do they argue? Has anything changed recently or has he always been like this?

I believe there is a name for it: 'cuntishness'. Your poor friend; her husband sounds very cold.

What is he like in their day-to-day life at home?

This is an incurable disease called cuntitis.

Your poor friend

Xpost Fetchez

Agree with the cuntitis ,Also known as he's checked out of the relationship .

It’s called ‘being a cunt’.

It doesn’t sound like he has any respect for her. It sounds like he positively dislikes her, let alone loves her.

For the paltry price of an odd crumb of affection every now and again to keep her hanging on he gets all his laundry and meals done for him, he gets away with doing fuck all childcare and he gets sex on tap.

Your friend needs to LTB.

Home life, he pretty much does what he wants. He's hands on with the kids to a point but certainly doesn't do his share, it's not regular or consistent. No housework at all. He's out a lot on his own too as "well we don't both have to stay in do we?"

I've told her what I think a few times but I am hoping a few posts from people who don't know them both might help.

It's called subtle emotional/ psychological abuse. He is gaslighting by denying his behaviour. Sometimes he will be lovely. . So confusing for your friend. He is indeed a cunt.

Could also be a very unsubtle way of undermining her confidence in social settings. Is she more successful in her career than him? Better looking? Any way you feel he's 'punching'?

I would be the least surprised person on the planet if it turned out he was shagging someone else.

I think your friend might need to start getting her ducks in a row.

This is a horrible relationship and she deserves better.

Just read your next post. Yeah, he's simply a cunt.

He is checked out and only staying for convenience sake. Highly likely to be womanising.

Could also be a very unsubtle way of undermining her confidence in social settings. Is she more successful in her career than him? Better looking? Any way you feel he's 'punching'?

I'd say she is better looking but career wise, he is more successful. I don't think he cares enough to undermine her. I think she is irrelevant to him and as another poster said she and their home life are just convenient. I've said all this myself. Thanks everyone I think it will be helpful for her to read these and I will try to persuade her to start a thread on here.

Can I add 'arsehole' just to keep the commentary balanced?

I think he's checked out of the relationship. I've seen this before. He does not wish to show he is with her in public. He wishes to demonstrate the fact the relationship is over.

I think I'd be curious if there was usually the same one woman at all the events. But if not, then he has simply disengaged and he is just a shadow in the marriage.

Irrelevant to him except as a cleaner/cook/nanny. Indifference is the worst. This will destroy her.

It sounds like he's checked out of the relationship, assuming he ever really checked in. It must be very damaging to her self-esteem and likely detrimental to her mental health. If I were in her shoes I'd also be concerned that if he gets a better offer he'll be off in a heartbeat.

He does not wish to show he is with her in public. He wishes to demonstrate the fact the relationship is over.

I said exactly this today. The saddest thing about it is she has said previously that she thinks it must be her. That he can clearly get on with everyone else, they all think he's great, it's just her he can't be bothered with so it must be her fault. I think these replies will help her see this isn't the case. I knew MN would come up with the goods

I'll go with 'cunt' ....(as in he's a...)

Agree with other replies that he is a cunt. Absolutely detest people who treat their partners like this - subtle enough not to be seen as abuse but utterly soul destroying for the person left wondering why they aren't deserving of some of that charm the prick bestows on others.
Please tell your friend that she deserves to be treated better than this and HE deserves a massive run-up kick to the bollocks.

It’s called dislike, disrespect or hatred

He probably is one of those guys for whom home life / marriage / kids is just a thing that you do because you're supposed to.

He benefits from having his meals cooked, house cleaned, children raised, scants washed, etc. He may feel that his wife should be grateful for him supplying the social standing that a stable marriage and home provides women... so in return he does what he wants. He is impatient with her possibly because on a very deep level, he's doing what he's meant to do, so why is she demanding more?

Very likely he is having affairs, dalliances, etc.

Many folk are like this, especially men. I think part of the issue is that men are often taught a completely different language around emotions. When their partner has "feelings", some men read that as "she is demanding more from me, I am already giving her enough" whereas the woman often is simply saying "I only want you to know me, to see me". Because in male culture, emotions don't exist in the way that they do in female culture. (#notallmen, I know) Women tend to define their reality based on how they feel - not always a good thing - men tend to define by what they do/have - also not always a good thing