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Original poster

Would you be put off dating a man whose friends are mostly female?

35 replies

SurfScoter · 11/01/2019 17:41

I'm just asking out of curiosity more than anything else.
I am male, but have always connected much better with women as friends and felt out of place among male friendship groups. With a few exceptions, my friends are mostly female.
I was recently having a conversation with one of my friends about relationships and sexuality (have had one boyfriend in the past but still figuring things out), and I told her that if I ever have a girlfriend, I would hope that she (meaning the girlfriend) would understand that most of my friends are women. My friend said that if she were in that girlfriend's position, she wouldn't be able to help but feel very insecure about this. Just curious about others' thoughts. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
chestylarue52 · 11/01/2019 17:46

It depends how he is with them really.

My boyfriend has lots of female friends and he's very warm and open with them. The few I've met have been excited to meet me and clearly delighted he has a fantastic new gf.

Branleuse · 11/01/2019 17:50

It would depend on the guy and how he was with them. Id be a bit wary in all honesty, in the same way i think it's weird if a woman has no women friends.

blueskydays · 11/01/2019 17:55

I think it totally depends on the context... but based on what you've said, I'd have no problem with it as long as you are self-aware about potential issues.

I'm female and have always had as many close male friends as female friends. I think the thing that's developed as I've got older is a better understanding of how this could be perceived by a boyfriend. When I was younger my attitude was "well nothing is happening, so my bf has no right to be jealous" - whereas now I feel the same but I make sure I'm being fair and sensitive.

For example, say I was meeting a male friend my DP has never met before, I 'd be really open about who they are, how we know each other, what we talked about etc. Once the friend and DP have both met, it's much less of a "thing" because he can see how I act around the male friend, and hopefully understand why I like them. In fact DP really loves that he can talk to some of my friends about football now!

It probably also helps that a lot of my male friends have partners of their own now, which also takes the pressure off.

But like I say, context is always going to be important. I'm not generally a jealous person, and neither is my DP - which is obviously a huge help. Other women may feel differently, possibly especially if their trust has been broken before. And it also depends on the character of your female friends and how welcoming they are to a new gf...

Original poster
SurfScoter · 11/01/2019 18:10

Thanks for the honest responses. I suppose I didn't understand (with either gender) where the insecurity would come from, but it would make perfect sense if they had a past negative experience.

OP posts:
Lemoneeza · 11/01/2019 18:14

It would put me off. Simon Cowell. Say no more.

Sethis · 11/01/2019 18:16

I'm straight male and have almost always felt it easier to develop friendships with women than men, outside of hobby groups. I just find that the vast majority of "man talk" bores the crap out of me.

If a woman found that offputting then she's welcome to any of the lager louts down at the pub, from my perspective.

I would have thought it would be a good feature, since it demonstrates you're capable of understanding and having a good relationship with someone of the opposite sex without necessarily wanting to shag them.

IrenetheQuaint · 11/01/2019 18:21

This would be a major selling point for me (as long as the guy wasn't friends with lots of women just in order to get his ego stroked). Men who don't have any female friends are generally v dull, IME.

lanbro · 11/01/2019 18:21

I'm currently single but I'm friends with my ex husband to the point we will holiday together with the dc, my bf is a man and my oldest friends from uni are men - I suspect a lot of boyfriends wouldn't be happy with this but I just won't continue a relationship with anyone who expects me to give up some of the most important people to me

FaFoutis · 11/01/2019 18:23

Wouldn't bother me at all. A lot of my DH's friends are women.

user1486250399 · 11/01/2019 18:25

It would put me off if he had no female friends. If the friendships are genuinely plutonic then I think it's a positive.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 11/01/2019 18:27

Several female friends - no, a female best friend? Yes. Been there, done that - Angry.

Onacleardayyoucansee · 11/01/2019 18:28

Depends on if he had male friends and if they were exes.
Some men collect exes.
If the friends are in couples, dating etc. no problem.
If they are 'potentials' it would be a flag.

Signposted · 11/01/2019 18:28

I’m also male and nearly all of my friends are female....I just don’t do the male drinking, football and general sports thing so struggle to make male friends. Have always been like it

My wife is generally comfortable with it though has needed reassurance at times if it is a new friendship, normally through work. On all occasions, introductions and inclusion of my wife in conversations and occasional meets has always worked.

Notquiteagandt · 11/01/2019 18:29

I would find it more odd if someone had no friends of the opicite gender. Balance is the key. I have many many close male friends.

A guy who has no female friends would be a bit of red flag for me tbh.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 11/01/2019 18:34

I don’t think I’d like it that much. I’d probably avoid dating someone that had mainly female friends.

Original poster
SurfScoter · 11/01/2019 18:50

Glad to know that opinions vary.
I agree with the other male posters and am not a fan of sports or "man talk" and I like books aimed more towards women, such as Bridget Jones. I really appreciate the honesty and can understand why these with bad experiences might think twice.

OP posts:
whatsthepointthen · 11/01/2019 19:08

Honestly? Yes.

oiiiiiii · 11/01/2019 19:10

My dp has a couple of male friends including a male best friend, but most of his other friends are women. He hates when we go to couple things and there is unspoken pressure for him to socialize with the men. He's teetotal, doesn't follow football, reads novels, likes to cook/bake, just isn't blokey at all and it is very boring for him.

It doesn't bother me. His female friends are lovely ladies who have become my friends as well, although obviously he is closer to them. What with them being his friends originally.

I do think it's slightly odd when a person's friends are ONLY one gender. You start to wonder if they struggle to get along with people. But that's not always the case.

If dp were an ultra masculine, football mad, beer swilling blokey bloke, but only had female friends, the context is quite different and it would be weird.

OutPinked · 11/01/2019 19:11

Dated a man once who had almost all female friends. I liked it at first because I thought it may mean he was more decent and kind? No idea why I thought that, just figured women wouldn’t be friends with a guy who was a prick to other women. Transpired he was indeed an absolute arsehole. Plus his best friend was a nasty shit towards me when we broke up for no real reason. Never had that spiteful reaction from exes male friends.

newtlover · 11/01/2019 19:15

I would def consider it a good sign, until proved otherwise

TigerlilyMoon · 11/01/2019 19:18

Honestly? Women like loyalty from all the men in their lives whether they be related, romantic or otherwise... There will be a time when a girlfriends needs would trump the friends needs or vice versa and the bloke is stuck in the middle.

Oh and if the female friend insisted on always hanging out with my boyfriend without me and not making an effort I'd assume she was using him as an emotional crutch and that's a big no-no.

jessstan2 · 11/01/2019 19:21

You are who you are, Surfscooter. Best to not overthink it and just let relationships evolve. I have no idea if I would be put off a man who has mainly female friends - but you probably have a couple of male friends. I expect I would become friendly with his friends!

Ovendoor · 11/01/2019 19:21

It wouldn't bother me in theory. I guess it depends on how the friends behave towards you.
My Ex had lots of female friends and I got on with all really well, bar one, who blanked me when we bumped into her then spent everytime we all met up trying to assert authority over the Ex and make me seem second. She may as well have pee'd on him she was so territorial!
Needless to say it did cause issues!
I have lots of male friends and I make sure they meet and get to know partners early on to nip any potential issues in the bud.

jessstan2 · 11/01/2019 19:21

Sorry, should have been: SurfScoter

Buntybearbess · 11/01/2019 19:31

Would depend on the guy and his friends and their relationships but generally I'd not care, I've slightly more guy friends than female friends so it goes both ways. I'd be delighted if my male friends started dating someone.