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Original poster

Do all men think having a baby is easy

47 replies

247mummsy · 10/01/2019 21:15

So I don’t really mention tonmy fiance what I have been up to during the day with our 13 week old coz all I seem to get is it either thrown back in my face or it’s so much easier just having coffee with friends, I’m at work, I know I’d rather be sitting at home, having a baby is a piece of piss etc etc.

He’s a sales Manager and I’m sure it can be stressful having targets etc but he makes out it’s so easy having a baby. Our DD is quite an easy baby, good, happy etc but I’ve done both work and a baby and I know that I got breaks etc at work, being a Mum is tiring, although rewarding, but it’s 24/7. Tonight he’s been going on and on at me why I was ‘moody’ yesterday morning (coz I was up 3 times in the night then his alarm goes off and he snoozes it 4 times then crunches his cereal in my ear with the lamp on) yet why I was all happy this morning when my 6 year old son (not his child) comes in talking to me (maybe coz I had a slightly better night sleep last night and coz my son is a child).

Does anyone else have this with their partner? He turns it into an argument, and I don’t get why. I’m tired, he thinks he does loads (today in the 2 hour nap my DD had I ironed all the clothes and put them away, hoovered, cleaned kitchen and bathrooms, this was after an hours dog walk this morning), he then says I can’t be that tired, well I am actually but these things need to be done and id soon get it in the neck if it wasn’t so I have no choice really.

OP posts:
FineWordsForAPorcupine · 10/01/2019 21:26

these things need to be done and id soon get it in the neck if it wasn’t

Just this.

Just this tells me he's a twat who thinks you're beneath him.

mumbojumb · 10/01/2019 21:32

Have you tried leaving him with the baby for half a day/a day or so on his days off just so he knows how hard is it? And even though you mention your baby is a easy baby it is still hard because they are just so dependent on you.

Original poster
247mummsy · 10/01/2019 21:43

I don’t really want to leave her at the moment but he says he’d find it easy, says he’s done it before (he has an 11 year old) but I’ve said he was at work then too so he didn’t do it, at weekends we’re both here doing it during the day (with no cleaning etc to do, I do the dinners at weekends too). He’s just very stubborn and won’t have me telling him that it is hard, tiring etc. My friends fiancé works but he sees how tiring it is so he does half the night feeds as she expresses, I told him this and he says well she can’t cope, he’s not an easy baby or his job must be easy, I’ve said no actually, he’s helpful and caring and she can cope but tiredness is hard and he’s a normal baby waking in the night.

OP posts:
pissedonatrain · 10/01/2019 23:39

I've read your other threads and all I have to say is you've unfortunately bred with an abusive fuckwit.

GummyGoddess · 10/01/2019 23:46

DH did initially think that as he had been at home the first two weeks where DS1 just slept.

Over Christmas we had an argument about me needing a break and I said he was getting a nice break from his work and I wasn't. He said that he gets way more free time and less stress at work! He then saw my point and stopped being such a git.

Your partner is a lazy, mean and selfish man.

marciagetscreamed · 11/01/2019 00:06

Pissedonatrain has said it very succinctly.

SandyY2K · 11/01/2019 01:14

Go away for a break one day on the weekend. A full Saturday and see how he manages.

I bet he was the same with his Ex.

jessstan2 · 11/01/2019 01:52

No, I don't think most men think having a baby is easy. Many really go through it with their wives. Some don't, of course.

It's just that they don't have to 'do it'. It's also quite scary.

You need sleep, make some time and space and leave yor ol man in charge, see how he manages.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 11/01/2019 01:58

My dh worked f/t and still did most of the night time feeds so I could sleep. He said he falls back to sleep easier than me so he would be better at it. Your partner sounds selfish and mean.

MadeForThis · 11/01/2019 03:01

Your husband is a wanker

MrsTerryPratcett · 11/01/2019 03:11

What ^ she said.

Mine was and is great and understood what it was like. Because he's not a twat.

Chottie · 11/01/2019 03:24

OP - your post is so sad, your DP sounds an extremely selfish, arrogant and aggressive man.

My DH would never behave in this way. He cares too much for me and our DCs.

Commonwasher · 11/01/2019 03:26

I think even if they’ve older children they need reminding what babies are like. My DH thought it was quite manageable to look after 1 baby until I had norovirus and spent a weekend puking. He looked after baby and just brought him to me for feeds but after 3 days of daddy daycare he was broken, telling me I was amazing and saying he thought he had caught my illness he felt so rough. Off he went to bed anticipating v&d. No symptoms, just exhausted, he finally got up 3 days later declaring parenting to be the hardest job in the world. Maybe you need to take to your bed with ‘vomits’ for 3 days. He can just bring you baby for feeds. It will no problem for him to do the burps, nappies, washing, ironing and entertaining the ‘easy’ baby Wink

category12 · 11/01/2019 06:19

No, all men are not like this. Most men are more like your friend's fiancé.

planespotting · 11/01/2019 06:32

No, my DH works 2 very demanding jobs and still praises me for being with DC. When DC was a baby he helped as much as he could, I was EBF but he still woke up for nappies etc. He does a lot of the house work, more than me.
When DC was little he did everything for us so I could just hold baby, feed baby, rest.
I always knew DH was a hard working loving person and this was shown further after baby.

I am only telling you so you know there is better out there and he needs to do better for you.
He sounds lazy and spoiled

Shitmewithyourrhythmstick · 11/01/2019 08:09

If he'd rather be at home, that's doable thanks to the wonders of shared parental leave. Tell him he can take some of it and see what he does then.

BiscuitDrama · 11/01/2019 08:12

When our eldest was tiny I had to ask my DH if he thought looking after her was easy.
If yes, then he wouldn’t mind taking her half the time at the weekend. If no, then he could understand I’d need a break and he should take her half the time at the weekend.

Heatherjayne1972 · 11/01/2019 08:21

It wasn’t until my parents looked after my 5 month old while I was a work, that my dad ( in his 60’s by then) realised and told my mum that ‘it’s quite hard work looking after a baby isn’t it?- I always thought you just sat around drinking coffee ‘
My parents have 4 children
My mother’s response was unrepeatable!

Some men do think it’s easy but they’re usually not the ones getting up at night and never getting a break
Op Your man needs to pull himself together and start helping you more

MisstoMrs · 11/01/2019 08:31

What @biscuitdrama did is genius! Bravo!

Honestly OP you need to say something. My DH only helped a fairly minimal amount when my DS was small; no night shifts until DS Was 9 months old and then only a few whole ones, didn’t take him out on his own etc. Whilst things have improved - DH helps more at night now - the pattern is fairly well set, I’m the primary career, DH helps. It’s not balanced parenting and that’s not great, for any of us.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 11/01/2019 08:43

I’m sorry to say it but... this.

I've read your other threads and all I have to say is you've unfortunately bred with an abusive fuckwit

Stop wasting your time and energy trying to understand him and just try to contain/manage the situation understanding he is a useless prick. And make sure you stay in full time or close to full time employment.

Ps. I’m sure somewhee there is a stressful sales job but hand on heart every sales job I know (various industries) is a piece of piss to the point even the people doing them will tell you that...

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 11/01/2019 08:43

To answer your OP: no. Not all men think having a baby is easy. But you chose to blend your families and have children with an utterly selfish bastard who has no love or respect for you.

epicclusterfuck · 11/01/2019 08:45

Only men who have never looked after a baby will think it is easy.

wishingyouluck · 11/01/2019 09:17

I'm going to respond slightly different here. I definitely think my partner thinks it's easier than it is, I get the odd comment about having not washed up all his bottles or that I've clearly not hoovered for a few days etc. Not necessarily in a horrid way, but just so clueless about how constant it is with a baby. Even my mum who has had 3 of us, says she forgets how hard it is when she comes to visit. My partner is sometimes reminded after a particularly hard weekend of shared baby duties, but mostly pretty ignorant to the repetitive, often exhausting nature of being at home with a baby.

NotTheFordType · 11/01/2019 09:18

Every Sales Manager I've ever known was on coke.

Is yours?

WinterWife · 11/01/2019 11:09

You need to leave the baby with him and if at all possible, overnight too! Let the twat have her all on his own for 2 days as well as overnight then demand dinner be made for you when you arrive back home.
He's an arsehole and you deserve better OP