Do all men think having a baby is easy

[247mummsy]

So I don’t really mention tonmy fiance what I have been up to during the day with our 13 week old coz all I seem to get is it either thrown back in my face or it’s so much easier just having coffee with friends, I’m at work, I know I’d rather be sitting at home, having a baby is a piece of piss etc etc.

He’s a sales Manager and I’m sure it can be stressful having targets etc but he makes out it’s so easy having a baby. Our DD is quite an easy baby, good, happy etc but I’ve done both work and a baby and I know that I got breaks etc at work, being a Mum is tiring, although rewarding, but it’s 24/7. Tonight he’s been going on and on at me why I was ‘moody’ yesterday morning (coz I was up 3 times in the night then his alarm goes off and he snoozes it 4 times then crunches his cereal in my ear with the lamp on) yet why I was all happy this morning when my 6 year old son (not his child) comes in talking to me (maybe coz I had a slightly better night sleep last night and coz my son is a child).

Does anyone else have this with their partner? He turns it into an argument, and I don’t get why. I’m tired, he thinks he does loads (today in the 2 hour nap my DD had I ironed all the clothes and put them away, hoovered, cleaned kitchen and bathrooms, this was after an hours dog walk this morning), he then says I can’t be that tired, well I am actually but these things need to be done and id soon get it in the neck if it wasn’t so I have no choice really.

Childbirth was a lovely experience for me. Me and my husband drove about 50 miles to the hospital but by the time I had got there the baby was already out. However having driven all this way we thought it would be a shame to go home so we made a day trip out of it. I can honestly say, Watford football ground must be the worst football ground to cater for a newborn baby. I mean come on, we were playing west ham and I wasn't going to miss it. Overall disappointing day. It was a girl :///

Not all men think that looking after babies is easy. Its obviously not easy. I don't know how my partner copes with everything, she does though, she is amazing. She seems to know instinctively what to do. She even finds time to wash my shirts for me (against my wishes, I can wash my own shirts, but she does them anyway!).
I've looked after my baby too, I've had her for days, evenings and afternoons, by myself. I wont lie, when I look after her I firefight, I barely keep up, I feel like i have no idea what to do. I get by, but that's it.
Partner is amazing and an amazing mum. I really appreciate all the work she does and am amazed at how she does it effortlessly.
There is no way any work I do comes close to how hard her days are.
I doubt a sales manager job would be anywhere near as challenging and stressful as being a mum.

No, not all men think babies are easy. I’m finding things really hard at the moment (19mo DS and also 7months pregnant) and DH comes in from his management role and takes over with DS so I can get on with all the stuff I’m currently finding difficult to get done during the day. Even though he says “don’t worry about it, we’ll get through it all together at the weekend”.
He finds DS easy if there’s nothing else needing done but he admits how difficult he finds it if he has to do dinner/housework on top of looking after DS by himself.

We discovered together how difficult looking after a baby was.
My DH shared the nights with me. We did shifts with one on the sofa bed who was 'on duty' and the other in the bedroom who was free to sleep. This was when he was working during the day. We then would have a lie-in each at the weekends. As a result I wasn't overly tired with my first baby.

I think my DH realised what an incredible physical event giving bith was and then having to look after a little being who wakes up every few hours was never going to be easy.

Your fiancé sounds awful. Very selfish and not at all considerate of your needs.

No, not all men because not all of them are twats.

If it is soooo easy, then he should do it at the weekend, everything, all the cooking, sorting everything out for the baby. If you are breastfeeding then he can still do nappy changes and winding as my Dh did.

He'll soon change his mind. Also he hasn't grown a baby inside his body and going through the year long recovery process.

Dh says that work is far easier than children. My sons are now in secondary so those days are long behind us but they were hard and exhausting.

We supported each other, we didn't tear each other down all the time.

No, not all men because not all of them are twats

This.

I have no words to express how much of an idiot I think your partner is. You have more patience than me, I would have kicked him out by now.

No, as DH does his fair share despite working full time with a long commute.

Similarly, my dad who despite not exactly being Feminist of the Year, was clued up enough 30 years ago to know that he didn't just need to "help" my mum when my twin and I arrived, he needed to be an equal parent.

Your DP is just a dick.

Thanks for all your replies. I do think he is selfish and aggressive sometimes in the way he speaks to me. I’ve just come in the door from the school run and I’m accused of being moody coz my first words to him were hi how’s your day been (he was here first as he picked his son up from school and dropped him here so he’s gone back to work now), my words were how comes you locked the door when you know I’m in straight after you (as I was struggling with the car seat and packs of rolls I just run to the shop to get for the weekend lunches), maybe I was wrong and did sound mount or maybe im just getting fed up now. He says he helps out at the weekend, looks after her a little but I’m there when she cries as it’s usually ‘she’s hungry’ I tell him she’s not always hungry, he does some nappies, changes her for bedtime, he says he could easily do it on his own but I don’t want to leave her yet, he doesn’t cook at the weekends (the odd time he has it’s like he wants a medal), he always has dinner on the table when he gets home and wouldn’t be particularly happy if I’d said I was tired and couldn’t do it as he’d say he’s been working all day. He wouldn’t cope with the night time I don’t reckon coz he barely wakes now so probably wouldn’t hear her. I’m just getting a bit fed up that he genuinely thinks he does so much plus working and doesn’t get to see what I do all day, he just has to start an argument about something petty then it’ll go on for days. He’s an Aries and I’ve always said he’s an argumentative one who seems to need to be in control. If I argue back I’m accused of being moody and told to piss off and if I don’t I’m childish for not talking about it.

It's not because he's an Aries, it's because he's a misogynistic arsehole. From the sounds of PPs who have read your other threads about him it doesn't sound promising that he's going to have an epiphany (not that that happens, arseholes tend to be arseholes for life) . You need a serious think as to why you're persevering having him in your life as he doesn't sound like he adds anything positive to it.

I think it’s because my last marriage didn’t work and I feel I can’t leave this relationship, also we have a child now and he’s always said if we broke up he’d go for full custody. I’ve been through court - my ex taking me for clarity of the days even though we’d always stuck to the days, he got one extra a week and I miss him when he’s not here, I don’t think I could go through that again. I sound like a mess, I’d like to think I’m strong but with someone like my partner he just talks me down or shouts at me.

Sure you leave this relationship. Is worrying about what other people think worth more than your happiness? (and the if they're the type to judge then theyre not worth worrying about) And all the shit DHs/dad's that are abusive always threaten full custody - it's a scare tactic to keep you in line. You're the primary carer - it isn't going to happen. You sound like you need support - to see what a shit he his and to give you the confidence to leave him.

Abusers always say they will go for full custody. He can't even be arsed to do the bare minimum with his DC. Nobody would give him full custody of anything, not even a house plant.

Think of how your DD will grow up being exposed to his abuse? His DS already treats you with contempt.

Leave him with the baby for the day and see if he still thinks it’s easy, that’s my advice. He sounds like a selfish prick.

Are you reading what people are writing?
It’s not because he’s an Aries it’s bevause he’s an abusive arsehole.

he’s always said if we broke up he’d go for full custody.
Literally lol at this. There is no one in the land who would ever give it to him and if you google you can see the stats. This is a classic textbook abuser threat, they are generally empty, Even men that get 50/50 access (which he won’t due to your child’s age) frequently can’t be bothered to follow up and stick to dates for access.

You know what you need to do...also what kind is of modelling is this teaching your son?!? Don’t underestimate the damage it can do

Is there anyone in RL you can talk to this about?

Yet another argument with him going off on one, he’s had a cold but I’ve been up 5 times in the night with the baby teething and has the sniffles. ALL because he said he wanted a massage so I told him to use the money my mum have him for Xmas (£100) he’s ended up screaming at me telling me I’m stupid coz it’s all gone on bills, he’s called me names and slammed the door and gone off with his friend. I might left exhausted holding a screaming baby with no help and really wondering what I said wrong!?

They always say they're going to go for full custody. A man who can't be fucked to change a nappy while you're there isn't even going to manage 50/50, let alone full time.

@247mummsy
This is really simple.
You need to leave him, kick him out, get away from him any way you can.

If you love your kids, don't ruin their lives by forcing them to live with this guy.

The fact that your marriage failed isn't a reason to choose this guy over your kids future. Find your courage and make the right decision, get yourself and the DC away from this guy.

@oiiiiiii I’m just not sure how, he’s such a strong willed person I think he enjoys shouting down at me or is used to it coz it’s what his parents were like. I’ve come to my parents an hour away, he hasn’t bothered texting to ask where I am. But I have to go back tomorrow night coz my son is at school Monday morning, there’s no easy way to get out as I don’t have anyone to stay with back home:

Whose house is it that you two are living in? Who's on the deeds or tenancy?

We’re both on the mortgage, we both put in equal deposits, I paid the stamp duty (£9K) and upgrades on the house (shower over the bath etc) and he paid for carpets on standing order.

I've read your other threads and all I have to say is you've unfortunately bred with an abusive fuckwit

I agree, he sounds like a prick, I'm sorry you're going through this :(

And I suggest you book yourself a weekend away or stay with a friend / family, leave the baby with him, after all it's so "easy".