I’m in the wrong here, I know that. You’ll read this and be surprised that I’m actually an intelligent woman, with a career that requires me to be responsible, yet I’m behaving like my 18yo former self. I can’t talk to anyone about it, so I’m trying here. Here goes .....
I’m a married mother of 3. We’ve been happily married for 7 years. In most ways we still are happily married, but I’ve had my head turned. My husband is fantastic in every way, we have a good sex life although I feel like it’s routine rather than him really ‘wanting’ me. I’m not sure I still fancy him, but that seems minor in the grand scheme of everything we have. On paper I have everything. I’ve never cheated, it’s not been a thing I’d considered. I’d never wanted to. But obviously I’m writing in the past tense now, so it’s no longer the case.
The OM is in a pretty similar situation. Lovely kids. Lovely wife.
There’s a man, who is the husband of a friend and the father of my chidren’s friends. We’ve known each other for a few years. He’s always been very chatty, verging on flirty, but that’s his nature. There was never anything more to it. Then there was a very drunken night where we ended up kissing. It’s not an excuse, I don’t even remember the build up to it, he initiated a lot of it, but I woke the next morning knowing what I had done. I decided that it was best to try and forget it had ever happened, although I had felt completely exhilarated by it. I didn’t feel particularly guilty, I just knew it was a bad idea. I messaged him in a jovial manner just saying to erase it from our memories. I thought that would be that.
I saw him a few days later at my son’s sports lesson and I assumed we’d pretend it didn’t happen. Instead though he told me he wanted it to happen again, and more. I was quite taken a back, in a stupidly flattered way. He was desperate that this remained under the radar, neither of us wanting our spouses to know. It all seemed a bit too perfect: a bit of passion that wouldn’t hurt anyone.
Anyway, this was a few weeks ago, he’s been in touch regularly, but not consistently. I’ve seen him, but nothing more happened other than a bit of flirting that no one else would know about. I really like him, he makes me feel attractive and sexy. He’s intelligent and funny and we talk easily. As I said he’s not in contact constantly, every few days, very much when it suits him I suppose.
That was until this weekend where we’ve started having texts that got way more racy. Him leading it, but me most definitely encouraging it. A phone call where he made his feelings about me very clear: he wants me, he’s never done this before, he doesn’t know how it’ll work, but he’s desperate to try. I really want him.
We met, very briefly, very incognito, a few nights ago. Things got heated, but nothing more than a passionate kiss. He left after telling me he didn’t want to fall for me (I know, cheesy line of the century!) and now he’s gone silent. I tried messaging him, he did reply, but in a very disengaged manner.
I feel absolutely bloody stranded! I can’t mention this to anyone, and whatever the outcome I’ll take it to my grave. I’ve never been in this situation before. I’m assuming he has the major guilts and that by not being in contact he’s trying to convince himself that he hasn’t done anything wrong. I feel like he got what he wanted and now he’s legged it, although I don’t think he did really get what he wanted!! If he doesn’t want any more then I’ll walk away, I’m not going to cause trouble. But what if he’s confessed to his wife (highly unlikely!)? I’ve got to see him in a few days anyway (child related) so it’s not like we can blank each other, I just don’t know how to attack this. Shall I message him? Shall I just wait for him? How much does that sound like an adolescent talking? I’m mortified by myself. Help please!