how do you cope when DH IS AWAY? DO YOU MIND HIM GOING?

[noonar]

My dh is a devoted father and very domesticated. he more than pulls his weight at home. he deserves time to himself, as we all do, but i really struggle emotionally when he's not there.

he's about to have his 3rd weekend/ shortbreak away in 4 months. i havent had any 'me time' at all during this period.

am i being unreasonable in objecting to his latest weekend (a stag weekend), while i'm stuck at home writing school reports and managing dds aged 2 and 5?

i genuinely want him to have fun, but not at the expense of my sanity.

do any of you find it hard being being left alone at the weekend?

i just know that by the end of it i'll be ratty with the girls and and feeling like i'm a crap mum- just so dh can escape for the weekend.

i know taht if i tell dh how much i'm struggling atm, then he won't go. i don't want to spoil his fun, but i don't want to be left feeling unable to cope.

any advice ?

DH went paintballing the other weekend and by the time he came home at 6.30pm I was ready for a straight jacket!

The way I see it, we both work - him outside and me at home, so the weekends are for unwinding and sharing the childcare - if I don't get any help cos DH is away or whatever, then I feel I am effectively working 24/7....

The odd weekend away is fine but sounds as if he's had more than his fair share lately! You need time for you as well!

I do hope that you'll be going away at some point soon!

yes, tbh, I find the weekends on my own hard.

I think you've summed it up well - you want him to go but you also need him to recognise your feelings!

DH is away a lot on business and whilst I appreciate that it's work I don't think he understands that it means I also have to work with no break. Just have to grit my teeth I guess. He doesn't go away for many weekends thankfully, I'd be mightily annoyed if we weren't getting our equal share.

thanks nikki and mars, for your posts. dh is very happy for me to go away, but dd1, aged 5 is very clingy at bedtime, and unused to me going away. we left her with my mum over night, back in feb, and she was distraught once we'd gone. have avoided it since, tbh. sorry, you see, i never really feel happy about taking 'my turn'.

some girlfirends have been to rome and spain for the weekend. but it'd be too much of a wrench for me to go. am i being silly, dyou think?

Noo - you must go on a girly weekend away - recharge you r batteries and you will have a fab time and DH will see exactly what a whole weekend home alone is like.

They will survive!

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I think the key to weekends on your own is planning stuff to do - it's so easy to get cabin fever if you don't go out.

The fact that you have to work (write reports) is hard though.

I think it might be worth planning something for yourself, just to keep yourself going - even if it doesn't mean going away - you know, an afternoon shopping without the kids, meeting friends for dinner etc. etc.

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Noonar... you'll be leaving them with their father. They will cope! He will cope.

Just remember my mantra....

As long as there's a discernable pulse... as long as there's a discernable pulse.

Now.... get packing baby! Ole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My DH is away a lot as often for quite long stretches as he is a keen sailor (ocean racing). Weekends can be hard as I have 2 kids and the dog, all wanting different things. I usually let the house slip into a bit of a state and only tidy up when they are at school. I also use baby sitters so that I get to go out at least once a week. When I cant be bothered to cook I order pizzas and eat with the kids in front of the telly. On sunday mornings me the kids and the dog all sit in bed and watch TV while I have my tea and read the paper. - And I keep a large bottle of sherry for those stressful moments

No not at all. I would hate to leave DS. Its a catch 22 really isn't it - you feel crap for going and crap for staying! What about a compromise - tell DH how you feel and ask him if you could do something nice together one weekend evening that doesn't involve leaving the DC's for overnight etc and that way you both get time out, but together...

Failing that - anyway he could just go to one part of the stag night?

yes, that's a PITA!

I cope but there are times when I find it hard. I think I am unlucky in that I have no family at all over here so no back up or support other than friends iyswim.

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dh's stuff at the weekends is work and the odd social occasion. I don't think I'd be so tolerant if he was buggering off every weekend to pursue a hobby.

Cod is right - plan the time. My DH away alot (another sailor) keep on going as if he was there - having people over, going to cinema, going out etc at least my life keeps going then

we are doing Shrek on Sunday and library/shopping/big popcorn and dinner in front of Dr Who on Saturday .

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My DH works away for sometimes 6 weeks at a time. We both used to do a lot of weekends away but since we have had DD aged 18 months he has only been away once. He paid for us to go to centre parks so we wouldn't miss him. (his guilty conscience me thinks).

I find the weekend swhen he is away the hardest as other firend and family are spending time with their families and don't necessarily want me around IYKWIM.

My Dh plays cricket every Saturday from April until September. At the beginning of the season I am in a foul mood every Friday night and all day Saturday. By the end of the season I've just about got used to it.

What really hacks me off is when he won't take a Saturday off for us to spend together as a family, but will take a whole weekend off to go away on a stag do with friends. AAAAAARRRRRRRGH

Noonar, you have my sympathies, but well done for recognising that he needs occasional time away (as do you!),

Littlefish - know what you mean - its the relentlessness of it all - nothing is more precious than cricket/sailing etc

ok, am back now, had to go off and have brief disagreement with dh over an unrelated matter.

actaully , we do have plans. bday party on sunday and school fete on sat- plus sun lunch with mum.

i think i'd be a bit more sympathetic if it was work, tbh.

maybe i just need another day at the Sanctuary...aahhh.

thanks, girls.

That's a good word for it Noodle - relentless. Like sailing, cricket is an all day and sometimes evening thing. It invariably means we can't go out with friends on Saturday nights either because he doesn't get home until too late.

Sorry to hijack and winge Noonar!

If you can't get yourself off to the Sanctuary, can you have a friend round, drink wine, eat pizza, paint your nails etc. A bit of pampering is always good, even if you do it yourself