how do you cope when DH IS AWAY? DO YOU MIND HIM GOING?

[noonar]

My dh is a devoted father and very domesticated. he more than pulls his weight at home. he deserves time to himself, as we all do, but i really struggle emotionally when he's not there.

he's about to have his 3rd weekend/ shortbreak away in 4 months. i havent had any 'me time' at all during this period.

am i being unreasonable in objecting to his latest weekend (a stag weekend), while i'm stuck at home writing school reports and managing dds aged 2 and 5?

i genuinely want him to have fun, but not at the expense of my sanity.

do any of you find it hard being being left alone at the weekend?

i just know that by the end of it i'll be ratty with the girls and and feeling like i'm a crap mum- just so dh can escape for the weekend.

i know taht if i tell dh how much i'm struggling atm, then he won't go. i don't want to spoil his fun, but i don't want to be left feeling unable to cope.

any advice ?

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noonar, you have to take your turn. you can't get pissed off at him going, but refuse to take your own time! i totally understand why you don't want him to go, but i think you're being unreasonably in not taking your own time and looking after yourself. i totally understand why you want to be there for your daughter, but it's not working for you. trust your dh with the kids and just have a day for yourself.

Hi noonar,

I don't think you are being completely unreasonable - my DH went to Spain for 4 days last autumn (his friends asked him to go along, besides which he wanted a break from work) and I found it very hard dealing with his absense in that time primarily because of a lack of any adult company (I have no family support) during those 4 days he was gone. It also did not help any hearing thoughtless MIL witch say to me, "oh the break will do him good, he does lots of brainwork".

I would say have a day out for your own self (I often go up to London on my own) when he returns as well as a couple of evenings out as a couple. Also book yourself another pampering day at the Sanctuary!.

Many of my friends (like many on here I suspect) have such busy lives themselves with issues surrounding their own children and family (family, sandwich generation problems etc)- that their own needs don't ever get a look in. I don't see them going away for weekends and suchlike, none of my friends have ever flown off anywhere sunny for the weekend. They don't have the time!!.

I'll give you an example - a couple of years ago a coach was booked through the PTA to take the ladies on a West End shopping trip. Many of these ladies had never been up to London on their own, let alone see the stores in question.

Dh is away everyweekend April to September, and away duringthe week the rest of the time, but its his job, and I knew that when I married him, so no dont mind. I have lots aof visitors at weekennds arrange to see girlfriends, go shopping with DIL, so keep busy.

Ah, I sympathise.

DH was in Majorca last weekend and is in Sweden til Sunday (at least he does have two of the boys with him). Week before that he worked all weekend, and will be working next weekend.

Tis a pain. I don't mind him going at all, but I do get stressed with the boys sometimes.

I do manage to get away too, but usually only for overnight (which is great, I'm not complaining), whereas he usually manages a long weekend, and both the trips this week are for four days.

He was home for 48 hours inbetween and it was blardy manic.

Plan something fun for you and the girls when he's away.

And start planning a little escape for yourself.

Sounds like you don't mind him going, and understand it's good for you both to have times like this to yourself - but perhaps because it's his 3rd weekend in 4 months it all seems a bit much...

I know how hard it is leaving the little one when she frets. But as other's have said, he is her father and they will cope! They just will!

What about for every weekend he has away, you have a day/weekend away yourself. Then if it gets to the stage of him having 10 weekends away and you've only done 1, he'll have to accept it's time to stay in!!

Also - try to plan some things for the 2 of you. Nights out, romantic meals. You don't necessarily have to leave dc overnight. Go out for a romantic picnic or lunch in the day, and leave them with grandparents... but make some time for yourselves as a couple too. It will really help.

Yep, I get fed up to!
Dh visits his other 2 at leats everuy other weekend, plus works some weekends.
Seems to be that every time there is sonething on that I want to do, he isn't here.
But when he is here he is pretty good about taking the girls out to give me an hour or so.