Online dating - how much did you date before you met the right one?

[agshdk]

People say keep it and I go through spells where I might have 4 dates a month for 3 months then stop.

I’m not picky but also don’t want to be with someone where it doesn’t feel really right. I’m mid thirties now though :(

Hi. I have been on the online dating scene for 2 1/2 years, and have yet to meet the right person.
I am approaching my mid forties and have a good idea of what I want, and don't want, in a partner.
I have no intention of 'settling' or being in a relationship for the sake of it. Better to be on my own than with the wrong person.

I dated ALOT four times a week from April until August .Met my soul mate and happy ever since .year and half .

How did you keep going when the others weren’t right?

I thought one a week was a lot. Maybe need to up my game. Were they all dinner dates?

Oh and I came out of a 27 year marriage of DV at the age of 51 and Im now 53

Didn't do dinner maybe one .just coffee and drinks

It became a social thing and was very entertaining.My friends begged me to write a book it was so much fun. There are some very strange people out there .

I married date number 22!
Never ever dinner date for first date. Quick drink make sure they look like their image, don't have severe BO and can string a sentence together.
The thing that kept me going was my email round robin on each date, easily 70% were utter weirdos and the only option was to laugh

Some weeks i dated two or three times, some weeks only once, some weeks not at all! I never set myself a "schedule" because tbh, i wasnt dead set on meeting someone. I was prepared to get serious if i met the right man, but wasnt really searching hard, if that makes sense.

I didnt do all dinner dates, either. Met for dinner, lunch, coffee, and just for walks, sometimes.

What about repeat dates, how many repeat dates before you met the right one?

How do you get so many dates!!!
I barely got 3 in 6 months

Travis sometimes you need to be more upfront. I reckon I could be on a date at least 5 days a week if I put my mind to it.

Ie just skip to the chase and ask for a coffee. I’ve noticed when I’ve been more open from the start they usually ask to meet anyway within a week.

I think I only bothered with repeat dates with three people. I dated fairly intensively for about eight months though, dates every week usually more than one or two. First date was only ever a drink/coffee and I was always lining up the next week's dates. I was very definitely looking for someone to marry and wasn't wasting time on people who didn't meet the criteria I'd set. I did meet loads of people who I could have had a lot of fun with, although not an actual future.

I was in my early 30s and living in big city so there was a large pool of people to date. I was very lucky to meet the love of my life rather than someone to 'just' marry. With hindsight my approach might not have been the best 😂

I think out of the 22 only a handful made it passed 1 date.
I think 3 had more than 2 dates including my now husband. One chap turned out to be a liar, said he owned his own business and didn't, so my poor husband was subjected to checks on Companies house before our first date! Another I think only really lasted because it was Christmas and we were both alone and needing dates to work parties!!!
When I met my husband, on a Tuesday I had a different date lined up for Thursday, which he knew about...but there was something about that first date with him and I cancelled the Thursday, the rest is history :)

Just had a baby with no. 22.

I went on a few dates with about 3 others but I came off tinder after the second date with my OH. Sorry for lazy typing, there's a baby on me!

Mid thirties is a great age. Usually more confident and established in your career, know what you want and when you meet the right person can go ahead and make shit happen rather than date for years with no real commitment. Plus loads of younger men prefer a slightly older woman, and the older more established guys in their forties will feel they’ve hit jackpot with a mid thirties woman who has a lot to offer and knows what she wants.

I dated up a storm. Sometimes 3-4 dates per week. A few repeat dates, a couple flings. Always ended up meeting a partner within a month or two of being back on online dating. Current OH I had dates with about five guys in two weeks, he was one of them. Kept dating others until we discussed where we were going and decided to be exclusive.

You have to date a lot. A LOT. Like, feel free to have coffee mid morning and then dinner later on with a different guy.

The thing that keeps happening is they want to know we are exclusive after two dates. And it’s labelled like: ‘I don’t date multiple people at the same time so you can’t either if you want to date me.’ Even after one date I had this from someone.

It’s pure insecurity. Wanting to pin you down not so stealthily.

If a guy tried that I’d laugh hysterically and tell him I wasn’t giving anyone exclusivity until we both felt it was right. After a few weeks I’d be okay being exclusive to continue exploring where it was going for a bit, and I would be honest with someone I was being sexually active with if I was open to sleeping with others too (that’s only fair I think). But a couple of dates? Ha!

Just move straight on from those guys.

I say ‘if’ cos it’s been a while since it’s happened... but I had it many times too while dating, it was just mind boggling. If a guy had a problem with me going for dinner with someone else the following evening after having dinner with me once I would run screaming. It’s so controlling. Why would anyone agree to close off all other potential options before they have reason to think it’s going somewhere?

Sorry to hijack this thread but it's related to what's being discussed so had a few questions to those who've dated "intensively" e.g. several dates in a week or month with different people.. obviously, at some point, you'd stop seeing the ones you liked less (maybe even after date 1).. in that case, if he had paid for dinner/drinks throughout each date, do you try to pay them back somehow?

Also, how do you say you don't want to meet up with them anymore? This is one I find tough - I'm usually a coward and will keep saying I'm busy on X,Y,Z day when they keep trying to ask me out and this can continue for months and months until the guy finally gets the hint that I'm not into him.. do you tell them outright instead? Don't you feel guilty after accepting paid dinner or drinks from them? Do you stay friends afterwards?

I usually expect them to pay. Probably sounds awful! I always offer though and wouldn’t meet somewhere I couldn’t afford/would say if it was too pricey. Usually a coffee is 2 quid though so makes no odds who pays.

Yes I tell them. I just say it isn’t right. Also once said I was getting back with an ex as they weren’t getting the hint.

I tended to spilt costs to prevent any feelings of guilt, or if your first date is a single drink/coffee then there's not much to feel guilty about.

After a first date it would usually be a text saying, it was nice to meet you but I didn't really feel any romantic spark - good luck with dating. Or if it had been a couple of dates "I don't think this is working out for me, good luck" etc but no, I wouldn't bother staying friends with people I didn't want to date. I have enough friends already.

I started online dating in 2012. Met DH in 2014 after a lot of dates (some fine, sine awful), married in 2017, had DD in summer 2018!

I am in awe of all this dating! Each time I try a dating app, I get so freaked out by the thought of having a coffee with a guy that I delete my account. I tried POF over Xmas/NY and lasted 3 days before I bailed. My 19 yr relationship ended a year ago. I'm 49.

Thanks @agshdk @Si1ver for your answers :)