Online dating - how much did you date before you met the right one?

[agshdk]

People say keep it and I go through spells where I might have 4 dates a month for 3 months then stop.

I’m not picky but also don’t want to be with someone where it doesn’t feel really right. I’m mid thirties now though :(

I've OLD for about 4 years on and off. I had a 14 month relationship during that time (which was hideous but another story) after being single for about 15 months I started dating again. I've probably had about 10 to 15 first dates but they never got past 1 or 2 dates because I knew they weren't for me. I think the way is to meet as many as possible. I never did dinner though, only drinks and always local so I knew where I was and could leave after a couple if I wasn't feeling it.
I was honest about what I was looking for and whether I wanted to see them again. I never mucked anyone around but I was upfront and probably some would say brutal at times (never rude). I looked at it as (this sounds bad) an interview process. I was looking for something and I didn't want to waste time on something that I knew i wouldn't want to progress no matter how nice they were or how much I fancied them.
I'm.pretty chatty and enjoy meeting new people so a couple of hours in a nice pub with someone new is no hardship . I find people really interesting so quite like dating.
Although I can remain impartial and build a rapport while remaining uninvested (which is completely needed during OLD I did find it exhausting at times.
You see someone you like the look of., you check out their profiles for any potential deal breakers, send a message, wait for a response then try and find common ground a bit of a flow. Move onto whatsapping, do a touch of sm stalking (to rule out secretly married lol) then hopefully build a bit of a rapport. All being well arranging a date and the usual build up of nerves, excitement and anticipation. Then you meet and there's nothing there. Knowing you have to start that process all over again can loose it's appeal quite quickly. So I used to do the short bursts of 1/2 dates a week for a month or so then get bored of it and focus on other stuff. Like you, I think it's the best way. That way it doesn't take over your life and affect your normal social life etc.
Sometimes I just didn't have the time or inclination to try and hold a conversation with someone new, do all that small talk shit.
I've actually been dating someone for about 6 weeks that I met online. We have had some special weekends together but it's tricky. Our lives are v different Mon to Fri so weekends are really our only free time. It's early days and we are pretty open about talking about our feelings and expectations etc so it's working for us both right now.
There's a v strong connection and we get on. We communicate well and have spoken about things we would like to plan but due to our situations I'm not sure whether it has legs or not. I'd like to think it has, our obstacles are completely possible to knock out the way if we continue to be on the same page, as time goes on, but I know these things don't always pan out how you want them to.
That being said if it doesn't go anywhere then I'm not sure how I will feel about going back to OLD. I think my energy and enthusiasm will definately be thin on the ground. I think I would take a bit of time and see if I could meet someone in real life. Who knows though. OLD is like being in a big virtual sweet shop ha ha and it can be quite addictive, amusing, interesting and dissapointing all at the same time.

Loka123 I preferred cheap dates, usually if it was coffee or a couple drinks in a bar one of us would get the first round and the other the second. I’d only go on a proper dinner date if one of us had travelled a fair distance for it, or it was a second date. I’d always offer to pay my share, or treat, and mean it. I’ve never had any get mad that they insisted on buying me dinner and then I wasn’t interested in seeing them again, a decent guy will see it as one of the risks of dating and I’ve had some say it was worth it just for a great evening of good company trying a new restaurant.

If I knew 100% I was never gonna see him again and the first date was something more expensive like dinner though I’d insist even harder on paying my share or treating cos I know money can be tight and it’s a lot to spend on someone you don’t know and won’t see again.

But yeah, generally it balanced in coffee shops and wine bars with his round, my round and then ending the date. If he insisted on paying for every last thing and wouldn’t allow me to contribute then I would accept that is what makes him most comfortable and assume he knew buying me dinner doesn’t entitle him to date me!

I was always totally honest with people and if they asked me out again and I wasn’t interested I’d say something like ‘sorry, I didn’t feel a spark and I reckon you didn’t either? You’re a great guy and I had a lovely time but I don’t think we’re a match. Thanks for a lovely evening’. Lets him save face by saying ‘yeah I think you’re right’ if he wants to but is still clear and direct: 100% of men I’ve had to let down like this have said they much prefer knowing where they stand and moving on rather than being messed around or left guessing if the woman is really busy or not into them. And when it was done to me (a guy had met someone else and wanted to give that a shot, another guy just didn’t feel it with me) I was really happy to know the score and move on. I’m still friends with the one who wasn’t feeling it with me (I wasn’t with him either really).

Day 1 of OLD age 45. Met the 1. Married a month before I turned 50.

Thanks for these :)

Thanks @VietnameseCrispyFish you're very articulate :)