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Original poster

My partner doesn’t want to celebrate his 40th birthday!

42 replies

JKCR2017 · 07/01/2019 11:51

OH is 40 this year, he is adamant he doesn’t want a party which is fine but he doesn’t want to celebrate it at all. He’s not keen on turning 40 😬

I plan to buy him some nice gifts. May start soon as I don’t have a lot of spare money as we have two DC so I will start picking up some gifts and store them until his birthday. Obviously nice cards from myself and DC, a cake!! Maybe we will go McDonald’s for lunch or something 😂

Anyone else have partners who don’t want to celebrate the milestone birthdays?

I am 12 years younger, so have 2 years until the big 30. I won’t want a party, hate the attention but I would like to do something nice!

OP posts:
VietnameseCrispyFish · 07/01/2019 11:54

Lots of people don’t like a party or any fuss, they see it as just any other day, don’t like being centre of attention, or something about getting older bothers or upsets them and they’d rather just get through it quietly.

Gifts sound nice but yeah, if he doesn’t wanna celebrate it you should respect that. Maybe ask him if he’d like to go for a meal to spend some time together on or around his birthday? If he says no, then leave it.

KeysHairbandNotepad · 07/01/2019 11:55

I hate celebrating my birthday and would be cross if someone forced a party/big restaurant meal on me.

You've got the right idea in buying him a few gifts and having an intimate lunch I think.

TheBabyAteMyBrain · 07/01/2019 11:56

Dh and I have a similar age gap to you, it's also his 40th this year. But, we both don't really celebrate birthdays. A nice gift, cards from the children and maybe a lunch out somewhere family friendly. It was my 30th last year and dh got me some lovely items based around the dc and a take away. Perfect! Oh! And he put the dc to bed so I could relax in the bath with some trash tv Grin

DippyAvocado · 07/01/2019 12:00

It's his birthday, if he doesn't want to celebrate that's his choice. If you want to do something nice for your birthday that's also fine. Just because he doesn't want to celebrate his birthday, doesn't mean he won't be happy to do something nice with you for yours, unless it's a budget issue?

Neither DH nor I like big birthday celebrations. We went for a nice meal for my 40th, but didn't do anything for his as he didn't want to, but everyone contributed to a special gift he wanted.

StarJazmin · 07/01/2019 12:01

I’m not a birthday person and didn’t celebrate my 30th, wasn’t a big deal to me at all. My DP didn’t want any fuss at all for his 40th and he usually at least has a low key dinner with friends or something. I had to head off his friends planning a surprise party and we just had a dinner the two of us instead.

Respect his wishes, and make sure whatever gifts you get are about him, not about you, if you see what I mean - not meaning to sound personally accusatory to you, you know some people get gifts that are about showing how wonderful/generous/‘thoughtful’ the gift-giver is, rather than things that are actually meaningful to/appreciated by the recipient.

tierraJ · 07/01/2019 13:50

I didn't want to celebrate my 40th as i was quite upset about being that age!

But I've made up for it since on my last two birthdays.

Maybe your husband feels touchy about his age & is having a mini midlife crisis. Ask him about it.

GraceMarks · 07/01/2019 13:57

I'm 40 this year and have already had to be quite firm with some friends and family that I don't want to do anything for it. I'm not bothered about being that old, so much as that I've got to 40 without achieving particular things that I had hoped to achieve by then. I don't want a party or whatever because the idea of drawing attention to myself and my failure to live up to my own expectations makes me want to scream, quite frankly.

The strength of other people's feelings on the matter has surprised me, though. My mum was horrified and kept saying "But you can't just do nothing!" It has got to the stage where I'm thinking of leaving the country for the fortnight around my birthday and just having a nice holiday on my own.

userxx · 07/01/2019 13:59

I drank fuck loads of prosecco and cried on my own when it was my 40th. Don't force him into celebrating.

maximumcarnage · 07/01/2019 14:01

I never celebrate my birthday, ever. Last time I did anything was when I was a kid, like err...12 I think? I had an abusive upbringing and my birthday was typically a nasty time for me. Since then I've avoided it like the plague, very grim memories. Getting older doesn't bother me, never much cared about growing old. It's also the reason I don't celebrate Christmas too. Lot of bad, bad memories.

Original poster
JKCR2017 · 07/01/2019 14:03

Thanks all. I’m definitely not going to pressurise him to celebrate. It’s actually also mil being awkward about it. Over Christmas she brought it up and suggested we organise a 40th party. I said no, he would hate it but she was admaent she was going to do it. I had to bring it up with him so he could go and tell her no, because he really would hate it! 😂

It’s nice to know he’s not the only one that doesn’t want to celebrate.

😊

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 07/01/2019 14:05

I didn’t want a party or anything-that’s pretty normal!

Original poster
JKCR2017 · 07/01/2019 14:05

I can relate somewhat maximumcarnage. I have bad memories of both Christmas and birthdays growing up and I also a dreadful 18th birthday that I don’t like thinking about. I try and make the best of it all for D.C. though x

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 07/01/2019 14:12

I think most people prefer a low-key birthday celebration. I hate the thought of a big party and lots of fuss.

sleepwhenidie · 07/01/2019 14:18

My DH is exactly the same. He hates the idea of time passing generally (won't wear a watch, hates looking at old photos) and sees no reason to celebrate his birthday! I am the opposite, I love to celebrate my birthday. I go along with his wishes and never make a big deal and would never organise a surprise party (divorce might swiftly follow Grin). I find it a bit disappointing as I'd love to make a grand gesture - its really not what he'd want though. I just try and buy gifts that he'll love and arrange low key celebrations with close family. Wish he'd make more of a fuss for mine though!

mogratpineapple · 07/01/2019 14:39

Wait until he's 50! I put all the cards with numbers on in the bin. Dear Lord, what's to celebrate when you're entering the second half of your life with 'old man' jokes and only poor health to look forward to?

I had a great birthday in then end. I watched Macbeth and had an Indian takeaway. Each to their own.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/01/2019 15:00

I had a wonderful surprise party for my 40th.
I hat surprises but it was good.
Until I got hammered and absolutely sobbed at being 40.
Wanted nothing for my 50th (tough year) but again, another surprise party. Live band. Loads of friends from far and wide and I had a ball.
Would he enjoy something if you just booked something or would he resent it and be miserable?

ThisHasReallyPIssedMeOff · 07/01/2019 17:15

I don't celebrate my birthday either. Haven't done anything for it since I was 18. I've finally managed to train well meaning people not to acknowledge it which means for the past 3 years now my birthdays have passed without cards, presents or any 'celebration' either. The children wish me Happy Birthday but that's it.

I still do both for the children, obviously.

ThisHasReallyPIssedMeOff · 07/01/2019 17:17

Would he enjoy something if you just booked something or would he resent it and be miserable?

I'd never forgive someone who 'booked something' as a surprise.

MorningsEleven · 07/01/2019 17:45

I'm not a big birthday person either. Bit of a January birthday chip on my shoulder in fairness.

Dimsumlosesum · 07/01/2019 17:48

We've never, ever, done parties. Just a meal cooked by ourselves for ourselves.

MikeUniformMike · 07/01/2019 17:51

Throw a surprise party. Invite everyone.
He's just being all coy about not wanting to celebrate. He'll love it.

Mumshappy · 07/01/2019 17:53

I didnt want to celebrate my 40th last year. I made this clear to everyone. Had a lunch with family and saw some friends. I wouldnt have been pleased if a surprise party was planned or anything. I dont like the fuss.

MikeUniformMike · 07/01/2019 17:56

I was only joking BTW. IF anyone planned a surprise party for me I would be horrified.

LadySadie1 · 07/01/2019 17:58

It was my 40th in December,I was and still am absolutely devastated that I am 40,in fact this is the first time I have admitted my age other than to my best friend who also turned 40 last year,if anyone ever asks my age they'll definitely be getting lied to,my husband who forgot my birthday doesn't even know how old I am.

Zoflorabore · 07/01/2019 17:59

I am 41 next week. This time last year I was a wreck at the thought of turning 40. I wasn't like that at 30!

3 weeks after Christmas always pretty much guarantees crap birthdays anyway but it was better than I thought.
Went out for a posh meal for lunch with my mum and my sil, my dad and his wife took us out in the night to a gorgeous Chinese restaurant ( me, dp and the 2dc ) and my friends had a beauty woman come to my house to do my nails, lashes and brows.
I was supposed to have a big night out on the Friday, birthday was the Thursday, but I really didn't feel up to it and was in bed at 8pm Grin

I always thought I would be the type for a big party etc and it would have been my worst nightmare. Do something that you know he will like. As the year went on I became ok with 40.
Life begins and all that....